My name is Connie and I am recovering from addictions. I am lucky that I took some womens empowerment groups since I am a survivor of abuse. I learned that I have rights. And I learned it is okay to speak up for myself. I used to be passive, be a people pleaser and just allow others to walk all over me. If you wanted me to do something I always said "yes" without questioning. My "niceness" was really hurting me.
Anyway, now I can practice the saying "say what you mean, but don't say it mean". I can speak up for myself. And if someone choose to be mean and cruel to me with their "words" I do not have to sit there and take it. I can put up my hand and say "stop". I can walk away. I can hang up a phone. I do not deserve verbal abuse or any other kinds of abuse. No one does.
So today it is very important for me to speak up. To say how I feel. If a person is "un-safe" of course I have to not say anything, but it doesn't mean I can't express myself in my journal writing or talking things over with my sponsor(s) or others in recovery.
If someone invites me somewhere as in a party invitation, I take my time in choosing whether to go to the event or not. If I truly feel I need to be there, I will go. If I know it is something I really am not up to, then I have to just decline and know it is okay.
On communicating, lots of my friends and relatives and I stay in touch lots by email. Seems to be the thing nowadays. But it is so important on what you put in print. I mean a mean email can crush a person. It happened to me recently - receiving a "cruel words" email, but I am willing to let it go, forgive and turn over the hurt to my Higher Power from what I got in that email. I am willing to not write a mean email back, too. But to protect me, I am distancing myself from that person for my own protection from the mean stuff.
I communicate great with my Higher Power and my good friends. Especially my friends in 12 step groups that are living a spiritual life. With other people in general like cashiers or other strangers, I try to be on good behavior even if they are in bad moods. I don't want to do the "eye for an eye" thing. Like if they are grouchy, I have to be grouchy back.
I think it matters what we do, what we say, how we act. I know to live free from addictions, I need to be on a spiritual path. Luckily the 12 steps give me my path and I am more than willing to let go of any hurts so I can live in peace. Looking for the good in my life is a way I can see so much beauty, so much love, so many kind and caring people and this makes for an uplifting mood for me and then I can be more of a happy person. Being happy, joyous and free is something to look forward to daily. My Higher Power can help me with that when I notice the beauty and joy in my world. It is there. I just have to choose to notice it. Like I could have lots of nice friends and relatives and one person does something cruel to me and I am crushed. No, I can't live like that. I have to let go of the cruel persons stuff and take a good look at all the nice people in my life, then I can see God is not picking on me and I have a beautiful life to enjoy.
Thanks for listening. Sincerely, Connie with 12 step love and hugs to all
Tags: Communication Assertiveness Abuse Survivors
Hi all, I am recovering from addictions and grateful to be in recovery. I have found good ways to get out of myself. I will list some: Going to the movies. The current one I just saw was "Alice in Wonderland" starting Johnny Depp. Now that movie got me out of myself! So movies can help. And watching comedy shows on TV help either comedy sitcoms or comedians doing their acts like on the comedy channel.
12 step ways of getting out of myself are: Working with a sponsee, doing something like going for a walk with someone in recovery, phoning someone and asking how they are doing,emailing others and asking how they are doing, praying and asking the Higher Power to help me and guide me and take away any emotional pains I am having and to direct me to the right things to do. Sometimes I just take a nap if I am way overwhelmed. Or a hot bath or shower. Or just go for a long walk. Mop a floor. Clean the house. Clean out a junk drawer.
The Living Sober book from AA has many good ideas to help you get out of yourself. Hobbies help too like artwork, sewing projects, photography or any other thing you totally enjoy. Well, that is what I can think of for now in this early hour. Take care all. Sincerely, Connie
Tags: Self-help
1. Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not
tackling all of my problems at once. I can do something at this
moment that would discourage me if I had to continue it for a
lifetime.
2. Just for today I will try to be happy, realizing my happiness
does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around
me. Happiness is a result of being at peace with myself.
3. Just for today I will try to adjust myself to what is and not
force everything to adjust to my own desires. I will accept my
family, my friends, my business, my circumstances as they come.
4. Just for today I will take care of my physical health; I will
exercise my mind; I will read something spiritual.
5. Just for today I will do somebody a good turn and not get
found out. If anyone knows of it, it will not count. I will do at
least one thing I don't want to do, and I will perform some small
act of love for my neighbor.
6. Just for today I will try to go out of my way to be kind to
someone I meet. I will be considerate, talk low, and look as good
as I can. I will not engage in unnecessary criticism or finding
fault, nor try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.
7. Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it
exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests --
hurry and indecision.
8. Just for today I will stop saying, "If I had time." I never
will find time for anything. If I want time, I must take it.
9. Just for today I will have a quiet time of meditation wherein
I shall think of my Higher Power, of myself, and of my neighbor.
I shall relax and seek truth.
10. Just for today I shall be unafraid. Particularly, I shall be
unafraid to be happy, to enjoy what is good, what is beautiful,
and what is lovely in life.
11. Just for today I will not compare myself with others, I will
accept myself and live to the best of my ability.
12. Just for today I choose to believe that I can live this one
day.
Tags: EA
