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A life wasted, is a life in vain, and a life in vain isn't worth the pain. I am comforfortably numb, but the feeling will return. With it comes an inferno, and it's going to burn. How did I get here, from whence did I come. The feeling is returning, I'm uncomfortably glum. Better living through chemistry, that's what my era taught me. It's not better living, it's just a fallacy. I hope when you crash, there's something to save. You're worth much more, than the chemical you crave.
Posted On 04/18/2009 14:11:46
What are these website things, that are posing as blogs? I open up the blog page and a lot of recent blogs are pushed back to another page, someones story, someone who might be reaching out for help is being covered up by an apparent advertisement, or something. Maybe I'm out of line here, if I am just let me know and I'll shut up.
Was just listening to the first song on my playlist... Kenny Chesney's "That's Why I'm Here". It's in my opinion a wonderful song, I've listened to it I don't know how many times this afternoon. It makes me think of my youngest brother Mike who is currently sitting in jail on a felony assault and battery charge for beating the s**t out of our other brother Rick last week. Mike is, like most all humans, a creature of habit. He however, like those of us on this site turned simple habit into horrifying addiction. He is afflicted with a serious case of the poor me's, compounded by the delusion that it's everyone else's fault. Rick doesn't even drink, I think he tried pot once in his teens and didn't like it. His addiction is people pleasing. He has turned himself into a mobile doormat, mostly for Mike to stomp on, lie to, and steal from. Ever since they were little kids Mike has been using and abusing him, but like an abused puppy Rick has always come running right back with his tail wagging and a gleam of hope in his eyes. I think Mike finally managed to beat the hope out of him. Myself, I would like to give Mike the opportunity to try it on me, but I know he never would. Rick came back from Desert Storm messed up physically and mentally, he has a steel plate, titanium rods and a bunch of screws holding his back together. Mike kicked him right where he knew the surgery had taken place. Needless to say Rick was in the hospital for a while. All this because Rick borrowed his truck to take our Mother to a doctors appointment and to do some shopping, and Mike ran out of beer and had no way to go get anymore. Rick wouldn't have had to borrow Mike's truck if it weren't for the fact that Mike ruined Rick's car repairing things that didn't need repaired while he was tweaking. I've tried numerous times to get him to try NA, or AA. But he just say's "those people are a bunch of cry baby's". Well I've visited him in jail before so I know who's crying now. As wrong as it is, I'd like to go bail him out and provoke him into taking a swing at me. As strange as it is, at the same time, I still wish I could help him even though I know I can't. Even our mother has finally given up on him and she's about the most forgiving person I've ever met, with maybe the exception of my brother Rick. Anyway, if you've never heard the song, "That's Why I'm Here", take a minute and listen to it. It is, as I said the first song on my playlist. Best of wishes to all of you. Bob
Posted On 04/01/2009 19:36:39
Don't know who wrote this or if it even happened... I'd like to think it did though. I would like to think it's happening somewhere right now.
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd.'
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.
They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him..
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.'
They really should get lives.
' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'
There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books..
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football
with my friends
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
' He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends..
When we were seniors we began to think about college.
Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship..
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great..
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!'
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
' Thanks,' he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends....
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story.'
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the
first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
'Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..'
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions..
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
It's okay to kiss a fool, It's okay to let a fool kiss you, just don't be fooled by a kiss.
Never try to impress someone to make them fall in love with you. If you do, you'll be expected to maintain that standard the rest of your life.
Fate determines who comes into our lives. Our hearts determine who stays.
If you stay with someone because you think leaving would hurt their feelings, that's not love, it's charity.
If you think you love someone because of the way they look, that's not love, it's infatuation.
If you think you love someone because you can't imagine being without their touch, that's not love, it's lust.
If you think you love someone because you share everything, that's not love, it's friendship.
If you stay with someone because they provide for your every material need, that's not love, it's a security blanket.
If you stay with someone because your life would seem empty without them, that's not love, it's a hostage situation.
If you stay with someone because everyone else thinks you should, that's not love, it's a compromise.
But, if you feel the pain of the other person even when they try to hide their pain, if their pain makes you cry, that's love.
If you feel them just as strongly in your heart as your hands, that's love.
If you would lay down your life for them, that's love.
There will always be someone else who may look a little better, have a little more, speak a little smoother, and try to win you over... But, if you stay right where you are, with no regrets, that's love.
If you let them go, knowing they have to, even though they may not want to, that my friend is love.
If the grass starts looking greener on the other side... You most likely haven't been taking care of your side.
I'm grateful that I don't know everything,
I still have the opportunity to learn.
I'm grateful that I haven't done everything,
I'm still able to maintain a sense of desire.
I'm grateful for the difficult times,
I can hopefully grow from them.
I'm grateful for my mistakes,
I may learn valuable lessons from them.
I'm grateful for the relationships God didn't allow,
I'll still be available when "the one", comes along.
I'm grateful when I'm tired and weary,
I've hopefully made a difference.
I'm grateful for my limitations,
I have room for improvement.
I'm grateful for life's many challenges,
I can hopefully build my strength and character.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive, an enemy into a friend, a house into a home, a troubled past into a wiser more kind future. If we can be thankful for our troubles, They can become our blessings.
I'm also grateful to whoever it was that I stole part of this list from.
Posted On 03/17/2009 18:14:45
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest of distances. Same goes for true love. That just because two people might argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they love each other. That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That no matter how good a friend is, they may hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words, they could be your final words. That the best of friends can do anything, or nothing, and have the best of times. That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you...You will find the strength to help. That no matter how bad your heart is broken, it will in time heal. That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the very people who help you get back up. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something entirely different. That maturity has more to do with the types of experiences you're had, and what you've learned from them... And less to do with how many birthdays you've had. That money is a lousy way of keeping score. That you can do something in an instant that may give you heartache for the rest of your life. That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That ideas may pop into your head from out of nowhere... It doesn't mean you have to act on them. That sometimes when we're angry, we have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give us the right to be cruel. That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret...It could change your life forever. That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others...Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. That none of us are bad people, we are sick people trying to get better. That it may take any or all of us a long time to become the people we hope to be. That if we take that time the world will become a better place, one person at a time. I believe there are some good people on this site... Thank God it's here. Most of these beliefs were written by someone wiser than me, so I believe.
Just wanted to thank everyone for their comments before I put the key in the ignition and hit the road. Hopefully I've made an acceptable amends. What I did was completely out of character for me. The person I hurt means the world to me. I hope that they know that. Again thank you all for your comments. Gotta' go, the road awaits. Bob777
Why do people sometimies hurt those they love the most? I've always wondered this... Always tried and usually succeded at not doing it myself. Yesterday I failed miserably in this department. This is where words are not enough, how do you right a wrong, when you can't even be there to make an amends? Sorry is a wonderful and handy word when you accidentally step on someones foot. It doesn't mean s**t when you hurt someone you love. So, I find myself at a loss, feeling unworthy, stupid, and heartless. I'd like to take a break from reality right now. But being an addict I can't, I'd be stuck in the breakroom and the only hing that would get me out would be finding another bottom. Sometimes the bottom is soooo deep there's no coming back. Guess I'll stay in the real world and ask my higher power to show me the path of redemption.