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A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Step.
OFFLINE
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Male
31 years old
GTA, N/A
Profile Views: 52
 [ 3 ]
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Thinker |
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02/19/2008 08:54:54 |
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I'm an eclectic listener of nearly all types of music, and to try to make a list of even just some of my faves would be ridiculously long and still leave too much out, so if you really want to know sometime, send me a msg and we can have a nice long musical debate on the subjective value of System of a Down vs Handel vs Weird Al Yankovic vs Eminem.
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I'm an evil pirate of free movie downloads (YAR!) so I've been able to watch a LOT of movies over the last couple of years, some faves include the Pursuit of Happyness, Stranger than Fiction, the Da Vinci Code, National Treasure, the LOTR trilogy, 300, Alexander, Elizabeth, Cleopatra, Hackers, the Exorcist, Hostel, 28 Days/Weeks Later, Shaun of the Dead, the Prince of Egypt, and Ever After.
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Much like the music section, this is one of those questions that doesnt' have a short response, although some of my favourite authors include Terry Goodkind, Ayn Rand, Herman Hesse, Margaret George, Anne Rice, David and Leigh Eddings, and Marion Bradley.
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I don't have a lot of hobbies.... I play video games, I LARP (long story, check out www.underworldlarp.com if you really want to see what I mean) I watch movies, I read, sometimes write. Much like my "Likes" section, I'm hoping this one will fill out more as I move towards a healthier me.
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For 15 years now I've sought treatment for depression, anxiety, paranoia, and various other mental illnesses without addressing my self-destructive behaviour, and I'm finally beginning to see that I'm simply treating the symptoms without ever really discerning the true nature of my illness. I'm an adult child of an alchoholic, a survivor of childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I do not know how to love myself, and in all honesty, there isn't a single person in this world whom I feel I can trust implicitly.
I've recently reconnected w my mother, and I see a great change in her, brought on (she says) by her involvement with Al-Anon, and her working of the 12 step program w help from a sponsor. My addictions make me resistant to trying it for myself, because I know that it means committing to quitting all my self-destructive behaviours and I'm still in a place where I would rather indulge in these behaviours than face up to all my actions and deep-seated emotional issues.
I'm hoping that by taking these first steps, admitting that I am addicted to pot, cigarettes, and to attention and validation from others, believing that a Higher Power can restore me to a sane and healthy state, making a decision to turn my life, my will, my path and my purpose over to that Higher Power, and beginning an honest and searching moral inventory, that I might be infused with the strength to take further steps.
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Sad how as my addictions have taken over my life I've lost interest in so many of the things that I was once passionate about, until it seems that nothing pleases me. I do still like cooking, writing, reading, singing (although the pot's done nothing good for my voice, I'm not going to lie), ice skating, dancing. I'll try to add more as my recovery (hopefully) continues and I start building a LIFE again, instead of just an existence.
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Crowded places, social situations w new people, rejection in any form. Public transit. The truly evil things the voices in my head say to and about me.
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strugglingaddict has 2 friend(s)
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