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I get uncomfortable when asked to describe myself.
I've also learned that when I use the Spiritual Principle "Courage" (not the lack of fear, but the willingness to walk through fear) in regards to what my discomfort is a reaction to, I learn more about who I was running from in my active addiction.
Soooooo here goes.
I can see now that I've always been an addict. My disease didn't "begin" with the first time I used drugs. The drugs were ALWAYS just one symptom of my disease.
I began using mind and mood altering chemicals when I was eleven, but had already developed other methods of escaping my feelings and my reality (books were a favorite).
I went through pot, alcohol, crystal meth, cocaine, "shrooms," LSD, and probably others I can't remember. Depressants were always a favorite, though. I still smoke cigarettes and abuse coffee.
I had a 3 year bout of obsession with Everquest, an online multi-player computer game.
Recovery has led me to places in my soul that I'd intentionally forgotten about, and I'm grateful for my experiences.
I'm a firm believer in step-work (not just step-talk), sponsorship, suggestions of the program (no new romantic relationships in the first continuous year of recovery, 90 meetings in 90 days, service work in my homegroup, finish the 12 steps then start back at the beginning and go through again, etc).
I am actively involved in a men's support organization called the ManKind Project, and cannot imagine my life without it as an integral part of my recovery. The most recent Spiritual Awakening I've had from them is: What would you choose if you weren't afraid?
I have studied Wicca for most of my adult life, and am now focusing on Wodenism (or Asatru), the spirituality of my ancient ancestors. I recently joined my local Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, and greatly enjoy the opportunity to encourage growth of Hope with others without the "my way or the highway" stigmata of the religion I was raised with. When I looked up the definition of the word "agnostic" I found I could relate tremendously. I sincerely doubt any human being can fully grasp the intent of any Conciousness that has the ability to create the universe, especially given that humans are only capable of using 10% of our brain to begin with. (Ever tried to explain simple addition to your pet?) I think it's awfully self-centered of our race to think the Earth is here to give humans something to exercise Dominion over.
Anyways, now I'm getting bored with describing me. I sincerely hope you have a wonderful day, and choose to co-create peace and joy with your Higher Power!
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