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Count your blessings instead of your crosses;

Count your gains instead of your losses;

Count your joys instead of your woes;

Count your friends instead of your foes;

Count your smiles instead of your tears;

Count your courage instead of your fears;

Count your full years instead of your lean;

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean;

Count your health instead of your wealth;

Count on God instead of yourself.

 

Author Unknown

 

Tags: Lonely

Where has this disease taken me? What has it done to me and those closest to me? So many people are hurting. I know I can't change the past, I can only work on the future. Things are so messed up right now and I am so confused. the kids have been with my older daughter since Nov. and social services is not giving her any help (or straight answers fot that matter) She was promised grants and assistance when she took them and that has not happened. She lost her job because she took the kids. Everytime she goes to Social Services they ask her if she has paperwork stating that the kids are in her custody. She soesn't. I don't even have paperwork stating that they were to be removed from the household and I thought that was ok because that is how they do it when they go to a family member.We haven't even gone to court yet nor is there a court date set. Is this right?? The CPS caseworker made it sound like this was all normal procedure and I trusted her. So Wed. we met our new caseworker. She is with family services. Now let it be known that she works in the same building as CPS. So she asks to see the custody paperwork. Everyone wants this custody paperwork but we don't have it because we NEVER went to court. She also knew absolutely nothing about the case, not even my older daughters name and that is where the kids are staying. So how is she suppose to help us get the kids back if she doesn't even know why they were removed. To put the icing on the cake, the police were here today. They were going to arrest my husband. WHY? BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY DOCUMENTATIO STATING THE KIDS WERE REMOVED FROM THE HOUSEHOLD. Anyways, after phone calls, questioning, etc. my husband was not arrested. However, the policemen said that something was not right with this whole situation. He explained the kids should not have been removed from the without paperwork and that they are notified (usually) when this happens. I am so angry and confused. Does anyone know anything about situations like this? I am kinda getting the feeling that someone screwed up somewhere. Of course it is Sat so there is no one I can call. For mow I keep repeating the Serenity Prayer and pray that i will not drink just for today. This has gone on for to long and no one wants to give me or my daughter any answers. It is starting to push me right over the edge. I am heading to a meeting shortly.

Tags: Angry

Was looking at my 13 yr old daughters myspace profile. She likes to write, however I am not sure if she wrote this or if she got it from somewhere else, She is not in my custody right now so I can't ask her but it says alot.

 

i've grown, and i've learned several things: life is full of disappointments and people you trusted will sooner or later let you down. i've learned that often those you love will love seomeone else and there's only one way to fall--hard and fast. i've learned that out of thousands of smiles, it takes one to touch your heart. i've found that words can be decieving, but the truth always lies in a person's eyes. i've learned that everything can change in the blink of an eye, and tears often come without invitation. i've learned crying makes us stronger and there is never too much love to go around. i've learned prejudice helps no one and that weapons don't hurt people, people hurt people. i've learned sticks and stones may leave cuts and bruises but harsh words leave scars. i've found that everytime you give someone a piece of your heart, it's a piece that you will never get back. i've learned that the past is meant to be behind us and we can't dwell on regrets, what's done is done. i've learned that trusting yourself is the first step and that forgiving is remembering that it helps your own heart more than theirs. i've found that family isn't always your blood, and everyone is someone's hero. i've learned life is unexpected and that God can do anything. i've learned some things aren't meant to be understood and that only time heals. i've found that imagination is our greatest gift and that we are meant to dream for a reason. i've learned it is never too late to fall in love and that being "beautiful" is all on the inside. mistakes are our best teachers, and everything happens for a reason. and when all this is relized,only then can you live life to its full and true potential.

You had better live your best and act your best and think your best today: for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow.
--Harriet Martineau


The word "sanity" is derived from the Latin word sanitas, which means "health." In our group, we think of health as wholeness of mind, body, and spirit.

One way to achieve health and wholeness is by living one day at a time. To do this successfully, we need to realize we cannot undo a single act we performed or unsay any harsh words spoken in the past. No matter how much we may regret or re-feel yesterday's painful experiences, there is nothing we can do to change what happened. The past is forever beyond our control.

The same thing is true of the future. No matter how much we may worry and fret over it, very few of us can predict what tomorrow will bring. We can only prepare for a hope-filled future by living fully and confidently today.

TODAY is all I have. Let me make the most of it.

By

Liane Cordes

Tags: Comfortable

My true heroes are my children. I have put them through so much and they still love me.
Melissa:You have grown up to be a beautiful and caring woman. There are no words that can thank you enough for what you are doing for me. You and Luke are a young couple who have given up alot to raise my children (your sisters and brother). You are not selfish. I know this has put alot of strain on you. I love you alot.
Kaitlyn:You are so much like Mommy was at your age. So unsure of yourself. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't ever forget that. Your true friends will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT. Keep that chin up and remember that none of this is you fault. I love you.
Daniel:So lost and confused. My heart breaks eveytime you act out because in my heart i know you are SCREAMING for help. I wish I had the magic potion to make you feel better, but I don't. Respect yourself and others and everything else will fall in to place. Things will get better, I promise. I love you.
Jessica:You just roll with the punches. Be nice to yourself and others. You were born three months early and someone always said you were a fighter. Boy were they right. Just remember to fight the right battles and fight them properly. Love your brother and sisters as they love you. I love you.
REMEMBER: A MOTHERS LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a moment and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

 

Author Unknown

Tags: Tired

Went to a dicussion meeting tonight. Something that one of the girls said brought up alot of feelings. First of all, let me start by saying the topic was humor. So how did humor turn into sadness for me? This person was saying how lately when things are said teasingly in her household she gets touchy and upset over them. After talking to a few people she realized this bothered her because these were things she used to say to her son when she was using and now she feels alot of shame.

Lately I have been feeling alot of guilt over what I have put my children through and how they have been affected. My 13 yr old daughter is very needy and any attention she gets from boys sends her flying. She has been in love about six times in the last year. Before they were removed from the household I used to try to explain that these "boys" knew she was vulnerable and were taking advantage of her. Then on the day they were taken away from me she spent several hours at the police station because she thought it would be a big joke to take oregano to school and pass it off as marijuana. The school did not find it to humorous. Did I fail her as a mother? And my 12 yr old son. He is really a mess. One minute he is angry and hitting his sisters and the next minute he is an emotional mess. He doesn't want to listen to anyone and his constant response is a shrug of the shoulders and a "so, I don't care" He was always a mama's boy and I feel like I have let him down. My 10 yr old daughter thinks she is the princess and can do no wrong. She will do things to get the other two in trouble and then lie and say they have started it. She is a good girl but she is a daddy's girl and daddy always was on her side, even when she was bad, because she was the baby of the family. What have I done to my children.

Now that my brain is out of the fog and I can see the damage my disease has caused, I feel real guilty when someone corrects them. Maybe if I had corrected them from day one things would be different but it was much easier to give in than to cause a confrontation. I thimk the guilt comes from the fact that I know I have caused them pain.

I regret alot that I have done in my life but my biggest regret is the pain that I have caused to my children. And I don't know how to fix this nor do I know how to process this guilt.

I have been trying for months to get them in to counseling but there is a waiting list everywhere. I just wish I could stop there pain.

Tags: Sad

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