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Viewing 19 - 27 out of 31 Blogs.
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Someone finally asked, "Why 'Animal?'" Well, way back in the day, i did some things that scared folks, and the police felt they needed to call me on my BS ... that's their job after all. With my history and multiple charges, i was looking at a possible 60 years - not months, years. So i'm in a cell that had a view of the women's yard ... one of many reasons that jail no longer exists ... the constabulary had been working on the local "prostitution problem" and thus provided me with what i felt to be my last chance of seeing a real female form for a very long time, so i was imitating Animal from the Muppet movie out the window ... "Woman, woman, woman!" The guards started it ... the inmates picked it up ... and it followed me through the system. Many years later, i'm in a recovery meeting at a local club. 12 guys in the room ... one i knew in the system and 4 of us named Kevin ... what are the odds? The Animal nickname was reborn at that point and today more know me by that than my real name. So, yes, i really am named after the Muppet. ... and in case you're curious, i skated with 22 months instead of 60 years ... God's grace was working for me even then! That's why i pray today for His mercy rather than His justice, for you and for me! peace
Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, how can
I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are
running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech
Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer
disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from
being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't
know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
I loved this!
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before
we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.
The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex".
"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" he asked.
The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45 ? 
Tags: Enthusiastic
Hi folks, Well, i've been putting out some fairly intense ventings in the mail and my blogs have been that way lately, too. i'm a big mean, old snake-eater, so i get that way sometimes ... it's normal for me ... get over it, okay? Addicts die. That's the way it is. There's not much any of us can do about that. The disease still ain't playin' ... the thing is, recovery requires some playing to keep balanced. i've heard some gems in meetings lately. The one i really liked was: "We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our WIVES had become unmanageable." No, i've never been married, but it's still really funny to me. Relationships sometimes seem one of the biggest problems in early recovery. i guess i'm just rambling on because one thing that this deal has taught me is that if i focus on the failures, then i'm dead. There have been some really cool things happening lately that i'm not writing much about because i simply haven't had time. i've been hanging out with a group of "yearlings," and it's been pretty cool. 4 of these guys have celebrated a year sober in the last month or so, and that's been way cool. These guys are cool, because they realize they know a little something about recovery, and that since it's a program of action, knowledge don't count for much. Last time we got together, we got a 12step call ... we brought over a wet drunk and he immediately ticked off one of the yearlings ... i thought it was hillarious ... anyway, they "kissed and made up," and it turned out to be one of the more powerful get togethers i've been to with these guys. Wet guy is still wet, but we're still clean, and that's all that matters. i want to thank those of you who've been praying for my friend Mary and i. We're going to be scattering Joseph's ashes this Friday, having a memorial on the 2nd, and hopefully the healing will continue as rapidly as it has so far. We can't win 'em all, but i can win today!
Tags: Reflective
Hello all, Again i want to say thank you for your prayers for my friend Mary and i as she has had to deal with the OD of her husband. i hurt very deeply this evening. i've been a little distracted the past few days, and other than answering a couple of messages, i've not had the opportunity to write much. i recieved this message from Mary this morning: Hi: The hospital just called to say that Joseph went to be with our Lord and Savior at 4:52 a.m. this morning. - Choices that we make today can have eternal results. -------------------------------------- i have been honored to be asked to help scatter Joseph's ashes when the time comes. i could write many things, and i'm sure i will later, but the simple eloquence of the above message says all i can for now. ~aNiMaL
Tags: Sad
i just wanted to thank you who've prayed for my friend Joseph. Things have happened a little faster than i thought they might. When i got in to the ICU this afternoon, it was as if the Spirit of God told me he was gone. This was not much later confirmed, as tests indicate he suffered a massive stroke as a result of his OD. Joseph's wife, Mary S., a long time Al-Anon member, was asked to authorize his removal from life support not long after i visited. Please pray for her. Joseph is the second person that i know of (i know there are probably a few more) whom i have sponsored who has lost his fight with the disease of addiction. If allowed, i will be there when he is removed from life support. We're often all warm and fuzzy when we welcome new folks to the program of recovery, but rest assured that "With all the earnestness at our command we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start." This disease isn't playing. It wants nothing less than our lives tragically ended.
Tags: Sad
Greetings all, i ask for your prayers for my friend Joseph. Earlier this evening his wife called to say he'd over-dosed on methadone. He's in a local hospital's ICU at this time, and there is question as to his surviving. Please join us in asking that he will survive and that God's will be done in this very difficult circumstance. Thank you, e-hug, Kevin, aka aNiMaL
Tags: Disappointed
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS – FEMALE & MALE That’s the way to do it? Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 + Coffee: $1.00 = Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23)Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent: Parts $50.00 + Beer $20.00 + DUI $2500.00 + Impound fee $75.00 + Bail $1500.00 = Total $4,145.00 (But you know the job was done right!)
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT....
Tags: Happy
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Tags: Happy
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