I love being in recovery.  I hung out with my family this evening -then did our own lil things. My daughter is studying to take her ACT test again as she is trying to get a full ride to college next year !! My husband picked up burgers & we watched My Name is Earl - that show is definately about recovery (he carries his 8th step list with him & works the 9th right there !!!) Then I came into our office & have spent hours playing on this computer. I spent 16 years working in an office on a computer & now days I just get to enjoy them. I changed careers when I got into recovery & became a cocktail waitress/bartender @ a casino. Talk about FUN! I always leave work grateful for my recovery, my family, my life, friends, home group, my sponsor, higher power & everything else I get - good or not so good I am still grateful. Today I have hope & freedom.

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I have a hard time letting go sometimes - holding onto something that is causing me pain just because its a comfortable pain/familiar pain. So then I give up - surrender - let it go - get acceptance & then I get relief. Sometimes I think that 3 years clean is a LONG time & I should know better & then with a different view I think 3 years isnt sh*t - I have only started to get to where I can learn. I hear it said in the rooms that others see our progress before we do ourselves. I had a good day today - only some of my thoughts were bad & I didnt act out on them....hhmmmm

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I feel like I am struggling again to get some serenity !!! I feel angry alot about things in which I have no control !!! Where in the h*ll? is my acceptance ?? I am still going to meetings (lots of them), calling my sponsor, working steps (step 1 again), reading my literture, not using & yet still I am struggling. I have been bitchy & cruel to people lately. I know its wrong but I have never said I got clean & nice. So lets see - I think I will call my sponsor before I go to bed & talk this over with her. She always helps me identify the solution I am looking for.......

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