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I did question my sanity for a moment or 2 last evening-( and prayed about
it) dragging my 3 poetry collections to a neighboring town for a "Local
Authors Night"....Everyone there was "published" -( nowadays you do all your
own promotions-) twelve or so people, gathering in an old Academy to exhibit
their work. Little card tables set out with our names on them, across two adjacent rooms. Nice decorations -some lovely Quilts hung on one end of the main room, balanced by a table of refreshments on the other. In the second room I unfolded my cheery sunflower table cloth and spread
out my books.Fortunately I remembered to bring a few business cards- so I
put those out as well. Every one around me was bedazzeled with fancy shiny,
Book marks, synopsis, publisher reviews and photographs. I took a few deep breaths, turned to my neighbors put out my hand and smiled. Mystical feminism and political history....Yikes, Small talk.... Then a few personal memoirs, Sci. fiction, several mysteries, several novels, childrens books... One photography and a History of an old mining town.... One photographer, one local television representative... The former went around taking picturesof the 'Published Authors'. I kept on smiling...-not a Cheshire cat grin- just what I hoped was a pleasant expression. I tried not to make any 'excuses' for my work. I tried to ask the people who stopped interesting questions about themselves. Most people thumbed briefly through a few pages, only one inquired about the first and second collections. One loved the hand bound copy of my first book...Several said how intimidating they found poetry
to be. I explained that these were little "stories", adventures, etc. The Boy Scout troop who had come to help with the set up, wandered through A young fellow with maybe eleven or twelve years on our great planet, ran his hand over the painting on my cover of the latest collection; he seemed to enjoy the colors. I opened to the poem it illustrated and he read the whole piece! I asked if he understood it and he nodded. I told him the man in the painting was the person who helped me rescue that horse...how it cost me 150 $... He walked off with the book-His troop leader brought it back... smiled and said the boy was telling the others all about it.... That young man was the only person the entire evening- who took the
time to read anything-I think in retrospect I will contact the leader and offer to
give that young man a copy - see what happens! Nia
Tags: Recovery Sobriety Life
Well thanks to the encouragement of 'suggestions' and the lovely reminders of some people here (and several books,) I have launched a new facet
to my day. Each morning I continue my prayers and meditation - and then
open my written journal-Or- My new ART journal.... Not very fancy in the
physical realm- sketch pad- but I have already filled one! A long, long time ago- my Father suggested I write something every day-
My Mother used to play drawing games with me- most days- surrounding books we were reading or ideas from her own imagination -so- I am now
trying to apply the same to colors and shapes- as words! " Draw, paint
create, a little something visual- every day-"
The only caution my Father gave me was not to " Judge " what I wrote- So- same goes for the artistic !
Tags: Life Sobriety Recovery
Last week I was gifted with a few flashes of understanding-( this drunk maybe creative but sometimes has blind spots-) "Think outside the box" my particular box- my little orb, sphere-comfort zone... I had a flash of understanding about that phrase - and applied for a job under a heading I hadn't explored before... no response yet- may not get one, but as some one reminded me " It may not be quite what my higher power has in mind" I know Iam needed somewhere- in the mean time I just keep looking around, praying I can help out -be of loving, joyful service today- Trying to be a part of the journey, the process-not just focus on the " result " Grateful to be sober ! grateful for a lot of things- the cup is definitely over half full- it may even be tumbling over the sides-
Tags: Recovery
"Plan plans, not results" Yup that really sums it up. Tried all week to go 'Out there' and investigate work possibilities, which entailed conversations, reading paper & online ads and trying to balance that with doing what was 'right in front' of me...meetings, etc.
Praying and asking for help with the 'finding another sponsor' /co-sponsor... The ongoing search for " Dream Job " and determining: what that looks
like ... Had to eliminate one woman I thought might work as a sponsor- because
there does not seem to be any "time" that is good to reach her- she said: "Just leave me a message and I'll call you back"-that doesn't bode well for this drunk.... BUT doing the "Next right thing" ( don't like that slogan- I'm fine with the theory of it) Has been very fruitful and yielded satisfying results- which leads me to believe, I need to just : "Keep on Keeping on" !!! Sigh.......Blessings everyone-
Tags: Life Recovery Sobriety
At a step meeting over the weekend I had alot of 'defects' jump off the page at me... that generally signals I need to take a look- So over the last few days I listed them, and all the folks currently in my orbit. Examined my feelings for people- mostly good- w/a smattering of envy here
and there... So it came down to my feelings for me-
In a conversation with my best friend where she was relating her recent, experience, strength and hope-I turned an invisible corner... This morning I wrote down "I " statements with those " defects" and guess what- ? every single one, was a part of me Voicing a concern relating to what I am going through with this 'Job' search ! It wasn't that I had been acting out with these things- it was parts of me yearning for some things-attention, reconition- Not in a bad out of control way in a : HEY listen to what is being said - way- I am sure if I hadn't listened it would have escalated- but thanks to our
program-I can now go on and share this with my sponsor, Co-sponsor- then act on the appropriate parts!
Have a great day -Nia
Tags: Sobriety Life Recovery
My Brother did answer me after a fashion- I had wondered if he piled his (life)
" plate"so full, by choice- if he was comfortable having a zillion commitments,
demands, on him 24-7. I shared that one of the things I wanted most when I came around was
peace-( second to sobriety and safety)
He said he was OK with so many elements going on at once. Infact fairly
recently he had almost be stopped in his tracks by physical pain,( knee, hip,
back) and wondered what he would do, if he were disabled by it. He got a
reprieve of sorts from a Tai Chi teacher who knew some things he could try... He said he looks on all these commitments as opportunitys he doesn't want
to miss- So for now I guess I have to let go of my worry. If things change, maybe then I can offer suggestions - Have a great day everyone! Nia
Tags: Recovery Life
I was thinking about the letter I want to write my brother, with questions I haven't asked him( in reference to previous christmas blog) So I was brainstorming this morning and it lead me to do a brief analysis, of my close friends and family. NOT an inventory mind you- but I listed the areas that I share of myself, with each of them.
What I found was I spread things around pretty evenly - I don't dump on anyone; but certain people are more available for certain interests. The area's I find myself "Holding my breath" with my brother is recovery and spirituality.... He was such an instramental part of my getting clean and sober- that I wonder why I haven't been able to share more? Maybe that is how I could preface the letter- What do you guys think of that ? Thanks, Nia
Tags: Recovery Life
My meditation this morning was on "Love & Approval" ( which is a timely reminder for me!....acting rather than reacting-) We often 'confuse' the two things; given our past experiences with " Authority
figures" .
It reminds me I need to act in a' free and spontaneous way',
" Meeting the day head on" in a 'Personally honest manner'
my trust and reliance on my Higher Power, taking my cues from that inner connection...
Tags: Recovery Life
I had to let go of my small, little job yesterday- cold weather and age make it
hard for me to be out in the winter weather...even with horses...
I know all the slogans (and use them til they're worn smooth-)I still have a hard
time believing I might actually find an indoor job - (praying with gratitude) acting "as if"... I hate transitions! Sorry but it is true- and I can't afford 'school '
right now...
Tags: Recovery Life
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