Transition

Over the weekend, I spent some one on one time with my mother. She is in a wheel chair, lives in a “care” facility and has dementia. During our visit, she was in a period of clarity.

I asked her if she ever envisioned the day that her son, with mostly gray hair now, would be visiting her in a facility. She thought for a moment, and laughed. It was not a thing either of us had ever imagined.

This got me reflecting a bit, a period where you stop at a moment in time and look at reality. It strikes me, I have had a good life so far, but a life marked by major periods of transition. This current period may be the biggest one yet.

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity of speaking with each of my 4 children. Yet they are not children, each is an adult, and our conversations have certainly transitioned from when they were younger. Each is a unique person; each responsible for their own lives. I have learned how to let go, although I certainly still have opinions.

We are looking at making a geographic move from a major urban centre to a much smaller and rural area. I am looking forward to this transition. There is some uncertainty about the adjustment and sort of starting over again. I think this is natural, but also a sense of excitement.

Career wise ,I am making a huge transition and I think I’m finally getting my head around it. I was blessed in my early career. I rocketed up the “corporate” ladder and was the President of a major company by the time I hit 31. At 41 I ventured out on my own after turning down corporate moves to the US. I was fortunate, I started and sold two small companies and had great clients, a major one who stayed with me for 15 years. Then I contracted out to pump new life into a significant community organization. For the most part the results were spectacular, but I made a fatal mistake of thinking too big, and possibly believing my own press clippings. My contract ended at the call of the organization, the first time in my life this had ever happened. Shocking.

This caused a very major transition in life! I am truly thankful I have a higher power in my life and a “team” of people, some professional, some intimate friends, and some family, who have guided me through this huge transition.

It was a little frightening to wake up one morning and have no “real” work to do. It was a real reality check to see a guy who had always sort of been the “young” gun now at a point when he was the “older” guy. Transition.

I had done a lot of mentoring and coaching in both my business and personal life. I have always truly loved helping others, and my best feelings about careers past revolved around the growth of other people and team success. After a “time out” and lots of input, I made a decision to turn what I loved most about my past life into current vocation.

Again, a huge transition.

To get there and be a “professional”, I went back to school. Attending lectures, studying then writing a grueling 10 hour exam was certainly different, but a part of the transition. No one will ever know how grateful and happy I was when I got my final grade back and the sought after certificate as a certified coach, complete with gold seal. A major step in the transition.

And there is more going on. All transitional.

I am so grateful that I chose a journey that was life altering some 14 years ago. Addictions were a sign of difficulty, but the real problem was living a balanced life that gave true joy. Even with the setbacks that have occurred over the time, the last 14 years have given me more internally than I ever imagined possible, and the journey continues. I am in another major transitional period, but with a skill set given me by the journey that makes transition and optimism possible. The opportunities of a balanced life focused on helping others through coaching truly is exciting. No one loves uncertainty, yet as I face new challenges, I know I am not alone, and have a spiritual connection that keeps me focused on the path ahead.

In a funny way, the weekend chat with my mother was an eye opener, a real reality check. I write this as a message of hope for others and myself. We will all face major transitions, but by acquiring the proper tools, and with the proper support, each transition will lead to new and more exciting things, progress and not perfection.

I truly look forward on a daily basis to using my gifts to help others through their periods of transition, and am thankful for the transitions I have gone through and continue to go through!

Tags: Certified Life Coach Life Transition Results

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H.O.W.?

Man, I enjoy Thursdays. Sometimes the simple gems I hear or am reminded of resonate so strongly in me. The acronym “HOW” falls into this category.

The world is filled with insanity, and most of the time insanity as a part of life (my definition-repeated behavior expecting a different outcome), not insanity as being overtly out there.

There are fundamentals I try to practice in my life, and they are the same fundamentals I expect to come in to play in a coaching relationship.

Honesty-Openness-Willingness…HOW.

If you desire improvement in any area of your life, these things are essential. There are probably a hundred takes on these qualities, but there were some things that hit me like a baseball bat.

If I’m not prepared to be honest, first with myself, then to a trusted “you”, how will a problem be identified and a realistic goal set?  How will progress be tracked?

If I’m not open to others, how will anyone know what’s going on? And if I’m not open to new ideas and thinking, where will change come from (same old same old?)?

If I’m not willing to take action, and take help, how will I move forward? If I’m not willing to change, how can change happen?

Really basic stuff, but in this complicated world and my sometimes complicated mind, simplicity often gets lost.

All in all it was a great day! I even visited my mother and kissed her goodbye as I was leaving. This happens only as a result of some great coaching I’ve had over the last year, and thank-you Gary Glasscock! Therapy didn’t work but coaching did!

Through the miracle of what was Thursday, my mental health day, I feel recharged, enlightened at have joy in play. I don’t know how so many miss the opportunity to grow inside, build self-esteem and live with hope and serenity. I just know that a majority don’t get the help they really need.

I am grateful for having the opportunities I have been given, and the spirit that allowed me the courage to break from my own norms and make significant improvement in my mental hygiene!

Tags: Certified Addictions Life Coach Honesty Results Awakening Recovery

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Make It A Good Day?

When I got up Wednesday morning, I had a choice to make. I choose to make it a good day.

There is enough craziness going on in this world, the talk of economic collapse, and gosh help us, elections on both sides of the border. Here in Canada, as far as leadership goes, I don’t find any real good choice. In working with politicians for years to advocate causes, I learned one thing quickly. The only real certainty starting from the time they are confirmed as elected? The real politicians are consumed with getting elected again. True people pleasing and makes it understandable why being called a politician or political is not a compliment! My life has so many elements going on that aren’t what my conscious mind would choose, yet we made it a good Wednesday. Thursday is my personal mental health day where I see a fellow coach, an associate “professional” whose skills compliment mine, attend a great discussion group and even visit my mother at the “home”!  A day that helps keep me centered and balanced.

Those that know me know I do a great deal of volunteer work, including working with a group of peers who are struggling with addictions specifically and life in general. There were people there for me when I needed it, and I will continue to be there the best I can for others. It’s called service.

I also coach for a living. There are many who will not take the “free” help readily available at 12 step programs, for what ever the reason. I have opinions on that. Part of the problem is they feel if it is free, it can’t be good. With some, its ego or work related. I do feel with many if there is no pain there is no gain, and with some pain equates to spending their own money. The hired gun knows best.

While I am certified as an Addictions Life Coach, most of my clients are not addicted. They are people who want more from life, whether it be career, relationships, balance, or settling in a new country. The funny thing, the principles of the 12 steps work in every life and make them better. It all starts with being honest with and knowing yourself, and making each day a good day!

It is frustrating that so many people will spend on things to make them happy, stuff, but will not invest in themselves. Ever seen a world class athlete or performer who didn’t have a coach to bring out their best and allow them maximum performance. Coaching isn’t a luxury, stuff is.

Coaching is something I’ve used for years personally, and paid with my own after tax dollars. It inspired me and helps me to set goals and reach them in several areas of my life. I have hired professional to help me deal with addictions and life as well. It has been a great investment personally.

I’ve experienced coaching and trained hard to be good at it! I believe in the innate goodness that every person was born with, and feel we are our own largest limiting factor in how our lives come out. We have choices to make!!

Every day is not great, some are much better than others. Many of the good ones feature “service” work or client work, and nothing is better than observing others move forward and use their abilities to meet there goals. My great days generally have a new client taking a free session!

Wednesday was a good day by choice. Thursday will be more of the same, but with my getting my dose of coaching, will be a good day with personal growth. How’s yours going to be?

Tags: Certified Addictions Life CoachRecoveryresultschoice

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The WISDOM

As a part of each day, I start with the “Serenity Prayer” to get a focus for the day. This has become an ingrained daily habit, but as can happen, sometimes we don’t pay attention to things we do so frequently.

Today, from Hazelden, I received a great reminder, and it was getting the right message at the right time. While the “Serenity Prayer” is a part of all 12 step meetings I’ve attended, it is applicable to all.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
--The Serenity Prayer

One of life's paradoxes is that in order to change an unwanted situation, we must first accept it the way it is. If you wish to move forward in your life, first make peace with what you are presently experiencing.

Recently, life has not gone as I had envisioned. I think we all hit periods where it seems that anything that could go wrong does. Throw in to the mix the constant doom and gloom we are being fed about the economy (and I do know it is real), and it can be easy to get down.

Each day I ask for “the wisdom to know the difference”.

That wisdom has been free given, it is up to me to recognize it and use it.

Over the past little while we have had problems with a house we are building, problems with a bank who did not do their job, problems with uncommunicative children and other issues. Of course there is the ongoing saga of trying to start a new business. In this area, I can be the prince of optimism and set myself up.

 On a daily basis I have to accept that there are many issues outside of my control, and I have to be wise enough to deal with the ones I can control. Differentiating between them is no a perfect science and I do ask for and take help.

Today, I will work hard at accepting some of the unwanted things in my life. I will look at what I can control, and with guidance deal with the issues that are mine to control. If I want to move forward, there are realities I must accept!

Tags: Serenity Cerifiedlifecoach Coached To Success

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FEEL YOUR SOUL'S DESIRES

In working with others to help them find the life they desire, it is critical that the client look into themselves and understand what they really want, what are meaningful goals for them. How do you approach that?

Why is knowing the soul's desires so important?
Many people go through life unwittingly expecting other people to figure out what makes them happy, and then give it to them (anyone who's raised a baby knows that this is actually how we must care for our infants, and in some cases, the infant mentality never leaves). The problem is that others aren't mind readers, and even if they were, they could never fulfill your desires until you become fully aware of them. Again, many of us aren't aware of exactly what we want—we feel a vague sense of lack or jealousy about others' good fortune, or a kind of inner void that aches to be filled.

All of these symptoms are indicators that it's time to clarify and specify our soul's desires. My belief is that we already know these desires, and that recognizing them requires only one thing: We must stop listening so obsessively to our minds.

Obstacles to knowing the soul's desires
The biggest obstacle to recognition of our soul's desires is the mind. Our minds are conditioned to think in narrow little patterns, usually established by our families and our culture. The soul tells us what we want and need, while the mind tells us what we think we want and need.

The soul knows, "I want freedom from worry," and the mind thinks, "I want to win the lottery." The soul knows, "I want to feel connected with all things," and the mind translates that to, "I need the perfect romantic soul mate to make me feel connected." The soul is always right. The mind is usually wrong. In stillness and truth, we can tell which is which. The truth of the soul resonates with a deep sense of passion and conviction. The mind's desires feel frantic, clinging and grasping. Any hint of these desperate emotions is evidence that you're stuck on your mind's desires. Breathe deeply, let them go and dig deeper to find your soul's desires. Here's one useful method:

How to know your soul's desires
Get another piece of paper and write at the top, "Things I want." Then, list as many things as you can think of—a new car, a better job, thinner thighs, whatever. When you've listed everything you can think of, turn to a new page.

At the top of this page, write, "Things I yearn for." Then, start listing. You'll find yourself coming up with things that didn't appear on your first list, which was made mostly by your mind. We want cars—we yearn for freedom and mobility. We want hot sex—we yearn for intimacy. We want to be beautiful—we yearn for total self-acceptance. As you list the things your soul yearns for, let go of the need to figure out how they might be fulfilled. Your methods will probably not work (cars, sex and beauty don't automatically lead to freedom, intimacy and self-acceptance). Allow yourself to be okay with not knowing, for the present moment, how the universe intends to fulfill your soul's desires. The more you let go of the process, the sooner it will happen. And it will happen.

Tags: Certified Life Coach Addictions Results Recovery Hope Serenitygoals

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MIRRORING

A weekend just past and the first client of day completed, and my head turns to a technique known as mirroring.

Funny, as I work with clients to bring out the talent within them, I find myself asking questions that I am, in part, asking of myself. It is true that we see ourselves in others. In coaching, we attract clients that are in a similar space to where we are at.

There is a great piece of prose "Man/Woman in the Mirror" that I like to hear. If anyone needs a good reminder, search it on the internet, it is readily searchable and is a classic.

For years, when working with people who say that want to start a journey to a new and more abundant life, I know from my personal experience that there is a real anchor point that must be accomplished to move forward. Very few reach a point where they really want change that have their self-esteem in tact, or are honest with themselves. One of the greatest teaching tools available is something we all have or have access to.... a mirror. When you look yourself in the eye, you see who is really there, and it is difficult to lie to that person.

Within all of us there is good. Often, we have lost sight of this. I am a believer in the power of affirmations, and the mirror as the best place to do them.

Lost sight of the good in you?

Ask the one or two people in your life who care about you what the good in you is that they see. Write these qualities on a piece of paper, and every morning, look yourself in the eye, and say "I am.......” It's shocking; this simple action in conjunction with other "recovery" and life balance steps really works. Over a short period of time you will realise that there is truth in the affirming statements. An anchor, a start point! Progress.

In what I ask others, or in times when I am critical, I look in a mirror. Frequently in my feelings or questions to and about others, I see inside of myself.

With a client this morning, we agreed that he must allocate specific hours each week to work solely on him, his own feelings about himself. If he doesn't take care of himself and grow, he will not reach forward with enthusiasm to reach his stated goals. Upon reflection, I see this to have relevance in my own life!

And it goes on. Too often if I find myself being negative about people, places or things, it is a reflection on where I'm at, and I am glad that most of the time I realise that in myself and take action.

This is just another form of mirroring.

As I move forward into a new week, I am going to treat the mirror as my teacher, and look for mirroring in my actions and deeds. I've got a lot of positive things to get done, and I will try to stay out of my own way and allow things to get done. I have the tools and a source of power at my disposal.

I appreciate the opportunities that weekend reflection and coaching others give me. I am glad to be reminder consciously of the importance of mirroring!

Tags: CertifiedLife AddictionsCoach Results MIRRORING

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ASS/U/ME

This is one I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’m just back from my favorite Saturday morning meeting, and it is always a great reminder of where I was, and what has changed! I am eternally grateful. It stops me from taking things for granted, from assuming!

Even though I have been on a journey of change for a long time, I still find myself making assumptions, and often, as indicated in the title, the assumption backfires!

To assume what other people are thinking or feeling without asking them is to invite misunderstanding. Just as disastrous is to assume other people know what we want or need without our telling them. Many potentially good friendships and marriages perish because of our false assumptions and our lack of honest communication.

Do we assume others can't live without us or wouldn't know what to think or feel unless we told them? Do we take for granted that "silence means assent"? Do we assume others don't have time for us, or don't care about us, if they don't call or go out of their way to talk to us? Do we think others can read our minds without our ever opening our mouths?

Since we can only assume the same limited or distorted thoughts of others that we have of ourselves, we each need to take the initiative to ask probing questions and give honest responses in our relationships.

TODAY I will not make the mistake of projecting my feelings onto others. I will initiate honest and open communication.

As I grow in coaching and working with others, I grow in my ability to ask good questions. In doing this, I hope less frequently I make an ASS/U/ME!

And by the way, thanks to my friend Igor, my web site has been redone and is interactive. Please look at www.hopeserenity.ca and favor us with your suggestions!

Tags: CertifiedLifeADDICTIONS COACHRESULTS RECOVERYWWWHOPESERENITY.CA

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Finding balance

For some reason, finding balance is a theme that has resonated deep within this week, and I’m not sure why.

The past 2 weeks have seen our local 12 step community bury 2 members. Both too young, both at the time of death back using their substance of choice. In listening to comments, both were all or nothing folks, but good folks. Obviously both lacking balance.

Balance also involves play!

Let's not forget to play. Our new way of life is a serious matter, but it is not intended as a punishment; nor do we need to repent and suffer for the rest of our lives. Our new way of life is intended to produce growth.

But growth takes work. And work needs play for balance. If we forget to play and be joyful, our life will become unbalanced and we will suffer needlessly.

Have I found some balance in my life?

I have had several requests for copies of the “balance checklist” that has been such a large part in helping me. If you send an email to my new address, khbray@hopeserenity.ca, I’d be glad to send you a copy by return email.

It’s Friday, right now the sun is out. I have a couple of clients I will be working with over the phone this morning. My cold drags on, but I will take some time to “play” this afternoon. I am grateful that I can put on my short pants and go play with some of my “big” friends in a beautiful park.

Take some time to play today!

Tags: Certified Life Coach Addiction Help Results Transformation Goals

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BALANCE-HAVE YOU GOT IT?

From post at www.hopeserenity.ca

I got up early this morning, and while taking my quiet time, the word BALANCE kept playing through my head.

I have the privledge of coaching several people and helping them to articulate and move towards goals in various parts of their lives. As well, I do a fair bit of "service" work as a part of my own journey. People with divergent needs, but a common issue-LIFE BALANCE.

I can remember when my journey began. Hindsight tells me how far out of balance my life was. Back then, it seemed normal. Many things to excess, and many important things not looked after to the detriment of me, and those around me.

I was fortunate to be put in a place where life balance, what it is, and its importance, was drilled into me. I was given a faily check list that showed me what life balance was, and I made slight modifications to it over the years. But for over 10 years, I did that daily check list like it was the bread of life. For my thick head, it took that long to ingrain what made up a balanced life-physically, mentally and spiritually.

Today I Have it somewhat ingrained and it has become a good habit.

I have worked with very few clients or people I mentor who practise good life balance. I have got a great check list available, and have each person I work with on it, and offer it to anyone who wants it. It was a gift freely given, and freely offered!

To get the enjoyment you deserve out of life, great life balance is essential. Think about ot. DO YOU HAVE BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE??

Tags: Cerified Addictions Life Coach Recovery Results Outside Help Abundance

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