Sensitivities?

Yesterday in conversation with a friend who is starting a journey, I asked for input about a topic she might be interested in. Without knowing it directly, and not answering what I had asked, she did answer! It is amazing how early on we can find a bit of dark in the bright light.

I am reminded what a sensitive little flower I was when I started this journey, and quite frankly, still can be at times. The journey started with me at the lowest point in my life in relation to my own self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. I could find things that could and would hurt or sting in even kind words or deeds of others.

The core of my journey and recovery of a life filled with abundance revolved around how I felt about me and finding a power that wasn’t me that I could trust. The litmus test for growth, as I was reminded yesterday, was my own personal sensitivities. I am still a flower, but today a flower with much deeper roots and far less fragility.

The biggest factor in growing roots was time. There is no way around it, time takes time.

My journey started with a moment of clarity, a moment when the quit voice inside me roared in a way that I heard. I knew my moment to change had come, and I was able to acknowledge that small quiet voice within, and to begin to search for it daily.

Early on I was introduced to a series of self-affirmations. As silly as I felt doing some of these in front of a mirror, and also sitting at my desk talking to myself, I did them because they were recommended by the “we” who had walked the journey ahead of me.

I got professional help in areas that I needed it. Understanding intimacy in a relationship was one area, understanding open and honest, not being evasive was another. Career goals and planning was a big one, I had stopped setting written goals, and needed help to first set them, then needed a push to make sure I took the actions that would allow my talents to come in to play.  I needed a written daily check list to start living a life that was balanced. In several areas, outside help strengthened both my resolve and my progress early on.

And of course there were the steps that had evolved into the backbone of 12 step recovery groups. These were not new or revolutionary, they had evolved over hundreds of years, but in my BIG Book, they were written in a way and in an order that worked for me! Finding and “working” them was a miracle for me.

Over time, I worked the steps diligently, and worked them with the loving help of others. Several times along the way things would happen that hurt, someone would say or do something that hurt, but often the hurt revealed a truth. No one who cared about me intentionally pricked at my sensitivities to hurt me; but my diminishing sensitivities were a bench mark of progress.

I always remind myself that I am on a journey and may never reach a destination. There is still much opportunity for growth. The steps and principles of my program are a daily foundation, and the further I move along, the more I realize that I need the help of others; others who are on a parallel journey and others who are coaches in the game of life.

Today, I would define myself as an anchored flower, my roots are much deeper. If a large storm comes along, I can be damaged but not destroyed and when calm comes along and I get the help I need and do the things time has taught me to do, I will rise towards the sun again.

My self-esteem, in humility, is decent and well founded. My higher power is heard and keeps my ego right sized, but by having decent self-worth, I can laugh at my fragilities and enjoy my successes.

Thank-you my friend for the words of hurt that made me sensitive in the moment to “sensitivities”. Regrettably I can prick them unintentionally in others. On a reducing basis, I feel them in me. I pray for progress.

I am thankful for that small quiet voice inside that I now listen to and for the tremendous help I get from others. The journey is not always fun, but things happen for a reason and I am grateful for progress.

Today I hope to be a well rooted flower!

Tags: Hurt Feelings Time Recovery Process Certified Life Coach

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Someone Gave Me A Compass

Early in my journey, someone gave me a compass. What the heck is this about I wondered?

One of the great discoveries I have made as I get stronger on the journey, the divine spirit I know is there trusts me enough to give me freedom of choice. This spirit is also the most trusted of my “trusted advisors”.

No longer will I play victim, I am responsible for how things play out on my life journey. What happens is not generally the fault of others. For many years I blamed people or things for my misadventures, today I accept responsibility.

I do have a cherished compass.

“If my life were like a ship on the sea, today I will be the navigator.”

I may have been used to someone else steering my ship or telling me which way to go. I may have felt that I had no control over my own life, and I probably didn't. I will take the wheel and read my own map. I will decide which way my ship will go and which route I will take. Even though I may choose to have a crew of advisers who can help me, I will be the one to chart my course.

I realize that on the sea of life, I can't control the weather, but I'm perfectly capable of adjusting my sails.

Not only capable of adjusting the sails, but responsible.

I welcome the opportunity of working with new clients. My clients are enjoying the results they are getting by being coached to harnessing their talents. A FREE session is offered to those looking for more and willing to be honest with them, make changes and be Coached To Success.

Get a compass for your life’s journey!

Tags: Recovery Help Certified Life Coach Coached To Success

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Staying On Top Of Things

I’ve got a man a truly respect in my life, “Bugsy”, who started a similar journey to mine years before I did. He has faced things that I can only imagine, and faced them with courage, humor and a willingness to be of real service to others.

From Bugsy I get great readings and reminders (as well as some good jokes) and as got up on mail that accumulated over Thanksgiving, the following screamed out at me:

“We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going out of our way to understand and help them.

Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptly admit it - to ourselves always, and to them also, when the admission would be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, justice, and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody. When in doubt we can always pause, saying, "Not my will, but Thine, be done." And we can often ask ourselves, "Am I doing to others as I would have them do to me - today?"”

As a child, we learned the “Golden Rule”. Do we keep it in the forefront as much as we should? We all make mistakes, and inadvertently do things that we know are wrong. Personally I can still put my foot in my mouth more often than I like, particularly when I put my mouth in gear before my brain! I make mistakes and can unintentionally hurt others and sometimes not even know it until it is brought to my attention.

Perfection continues to elude me!

That being said, and as reminded by the quote above, I try to practise new behaviour.

When I am wrong, and as promptly as possible, I try to take full responsibility for my behaviour, admit my mistakes, and make the necessary amends. There are certain principles I do try to practice in all my affairs. I worked hard to understand my life prior to journey’s start, and early on in the journey, tried to clean up the wreckage I had inflicted on others and myself. In doing so, it allowed me to look life in the eye!

My journey is one of progress, I try to remember the “Golden Rule” and when I make the blunders I still make, to put them to right as soon as possible.

Thanks Bugsy for this important reminder!

The journey is open to all!!

Tags: Help FREE SESSION Certified Coach RESULTS

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Got Faith and Resentments?

One of the beauties of a long weekend is that I usually get to catch up on some reading, and the read in combination with quiet time, leads to some new thinking.

To summarize something I just read, it stated, if you profess a love of a higher power in your life, and carry resentments with you, then you are a liar.

The higher power I know created all of us, without exception, with good in us. I’m not sure that I believe a literal biblical “in His image”, but I know the one creator I understand did not create crap. While things and people do stray from good, that is not how things began.

As makes sense to me, if my head is an apartment with valuable space, resentments are like bad tenants living there without paying rent. I can’t afford them and must learn to remove them before I go broke.

If I remember, particularly with people I have trouble caring for positively, that the higher power created them originally with good in them, I am much better for it! I pray that they find the good in themselves, and try to let go of the negative feelings that eat at me and hurt my serenity! It is hilarious to find that there have been people who I have carried long time grudges about, and they have never given me 10 seconds thought. Who is the stupid one in this scenario?

I have never believed that I have to “like” everyone I know or meet, nor do I expect will one and all “like” me. I have learned that there really is good in every person, and I honestly don’t believe I am carrying any deep resentment today. This is progress for me. I can honestly find positives in all others.

As I continue to enjoy a fabulous Thanksgiving weekend, I am grateful for the thoughts the reading gave me. I have had a chance to do a mini-inventory and search for resentments. None jumped up! That is likely why I am really enjoying the weather and the socializing that has been a part of this weekend. More importantly, it is a good part of why I can enjoy my own company and down time without a need to medicate or be constantly on the phone or out.

I do love the higher power that is a part of me and my life, and am thankful that today, I carry no burning resentments!

Tags: Clients Welcome Resentmentsfaithcertified Life Coachresults

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Laughter On The Journey

This getting your life back together, setting goals and being accountable is serious stuff!

That being said, Laughter plays a very important role along the way, and one of the new skills I have picked up is a genuine ability to laugh at myself. I found the following quote and reading a good reminder:

The most useless day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
--Sebastian R. N. Champort

“We are told that laughter is sunshine filling a room. And where there is laughter, there also is life. They say that people who laugh a lot live longer than do the sour-faced. When we laugh together, gratitude comes more easily, companionship thrives, and all praise is sincere. Laughter brings us joy that cannot be bought. Such joy is with us throughout each day. To hoard joy, to hide it away deep within us away from others, will make us lonely misers. We cannot buy or trade for joy, but we can give or receive it as a gift.

Laughter's joy celebrates the moment we are living right now. It is a gift we must share, or it will wither and die. Shared, it grows and thrives, and always returns to us when we need it most.”-anonymous.

As I go through Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the abundant laughter that graces my life, at me, at funny stories and situations, but hopefully never to the detriment of others! May each of us enjoy a good laugh today!

Tags: ThanksgivingCertifiedLifeCoachResultsRecovery

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Thanksgiving

Here in Canada, we are starting our Thanksgiving weekend. While timing is great to get a long weekend, the name thanksgiving means so much more to me than three days were the work world shuts down; it brings gratitude to the forefront!

Around me the trees are changing color. The reds in some of the maples are spectacular. Even though the past year will not go down in my personal annals as one of the best ever, the vibrancy that my higher power has created around me is a reminder of the beauty of life.

We have had some family turmoil over the past year. Family dynamics can be the most interesting of human relationships. I am truly thankful that one of my adult children decided to host a family thanksgiving dinner, and we will be together. I am a great believer that family bonds are very important, and I do rejoice at what is happening.

This year has been a year of great spiritual growth. It has been a year where value systems have been tested. A year where I have come to appreciate the depth and importance of the real friendships in my life. In some ways, with adversity, my eyes have been opened to a real appreciation of what is important in life, and I am truly grateful for all that has been so freely given.

This year I have been given the opportunity to do a “life assessment” and make some real big decisions as to where my future is. I am thankful for a deep abiding faith in a power greater than me, a spirit in and around me who has provided clarity. I am thankful for the chance to have gone back to school, for the drive to study and do the work necessary, and be successful in upgrading my skills to make me better prepared to be of service to others. I was truly concerned if I would do, or just procrastinate!

I have watched many around me advance their life journeys. I have watched my grand children grow, each becoming more and more the wonderful people they were meant to be. This has enhanced my life, and I am grateful.

Most importantly, I have loved and been loved by a great life partner. In her own way, she often is the voice of sanity, balance and reason in my life. My higher power works through her more often than I ever realized, and I am truly thankful to have a partner in every sense of the word!

I could go on, because despite the big negatives that have been a part of this last year, there have been , and will continue to be, far more positives. Life comes with challenges for all of us, the journey that I am on equips me to face them and deal with them; it allows me to enjoy periods of peace and serenity and allows me a huge amount of hope going forward!

It is Thanksgiving, and I am thankful. Today I am going to fully enjoy the colorful array that my higher power has set forth!

Tags: Certified Life Coach Coached To Success GRATITUDE Thanksgiving

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The Power Of We

When I started on the journey to recover a life that was happy, joyous and free, and life filled with hope and serenity, I quickly learned the power of “WE”.

While addictions were active in my life at the time, they were not the problem that stopped me from achieving the life I wanted. They were a solution to escaping the “less than” and “underachiever” feelings that were within; feelings I could not identify or share.

From the 12 Steps and being in 12 Step programs, I have learned a lot. I have also learned to get the coaching and other professional help in need when I need it. I remain rock solid in my belief and application of the principles of the 12 steps and their power, and make no bones that I draw on learning and readings when I coach people who are not dealing with addictions (and this is the majority of my clientele).

The following struck me between the eyes, and I think all can relate.

“More important, I came to believe that I cannot do this alone. From childhood, despite the love I experienced, I had never let people, even those closest to me, inside my life. All my life I had lived the deepest of lies, not sharing with anyone my true thoughts and feelings. I thought I had a direct line to God, and I built a wall of distrust around myself. In AA I faced the pervasive "we" of the Twelve Steps and gradually realized that I can separate and protect my sobriety from outside hazards only inasmuch as I rely on the sober experience of other AA members and share their journey through the steps to recovery.”

As a coach, I am part of the “WE” that is available. Want to get away from those untruths and not sharing feelings? Get a “WE” in your life ASAP!

Tags: Certified Life Coach Coached To Success Hope And Serenity

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Are Written Goals Important?

To me, the simple answer to this question is yes. The complex answer, another yes!

In both my recovery to a more abundant and joyous life, and my reaching fulfilling work (and golf results), goal setting is a key. If I don’t have targets, write them down, and measure against them, how will I benchmark progress?

In my coaching practice, helping others identify and set realistic goals is an essential part of what I do. Most need help to clarify what it is they really want. In my “service” work, it is my expectation that sponsees will set goals for themselves, write them down, and refer to them. I also apply this to my own life, and the use of a daily checklist is an essential part of this. My daily activity and execution dictates my progress!

For me, setting goals is critical and writing them down makes them real. Daily, I have a list of things “To Do” that includes keeping balance in my life and getting projects priorized and moving the peanut up the hill. As a coach, I’ve got a responsibility to review my client files before sessions and follow up on the goals my clients have set.

While I am sure that many feel they can make progress without written goals, those who incorporate goal setting and review into their lives seem to be better able to move forward. Funny, it even works for improving things like your golf game and career development!

As I prepared for a client meeting this morning, it struck me and reminded me of the critical importance of not only setting realistic goals, but keeping them in front of you and measuring on a frequent basis.

Have I got the written goals that will deliver what I expect out of my life?

Tags: Goal Setting Life Coach Addiction Help Recovery

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Paradox In The Journey

For the last 14 plus years I have been on a journey. I had hit a wall in life, in particular the life I was living inside myself. The outside world may have thought things were OK. I had a home, 2 cars, the bills were paid and my consulting company was doing fine from a financial standpoint.

Inside I was a mess. I was spiritually dead, was losing relationships that meant the world to me, and had lost respect for myself. It was not a pretty picture.

A series of events occurred that caused me to make changes. I wanted myself back and had no idea who I was. I wanted balance, joy, hope, serenity and a positive feeling about life. I wanted balance and to find my original centre once again.

A journey began. One of the interesting facets of the journey is the paradoxes that are a part of it.

Think about them in your own life!

“We SURRENDER TO WIN”.

“We DIE TO LIVE.”

“We SUFFER TO GET WELL

“There is no way to escape the terrible suffering of remorse and regret and shame and embarrassment which starts us on the road to getting well from our affliction. There is no new way to shake out a hangover. It's painful. And for us, necessarily so. I told this to a friend of mine as he sat weaving to and fro on the side of the bed, in terrible shape, about to die for some paraldehyde. I said, "Lost John" - that's his nickname - "Lost John, you know you're going to have to do a certain amount of shaking sooner or later." "Well," he said, "for God's sake let's make it later!" We suffer to get well.”

My journey really began when I surrendered. I finally quit fighting the obvious, life was not OK as it was, and to make change, I had to understand that I did not control much. Tough for the old ego, but the ego in a healthy form survived!

A part of me had to die. Those habits and actions that were dragging me down. And slowly but surely they began to die and I started to live the life I knew was possible!

Was it easy?

NO.

I suffered, and in some ways those around me suffered. Yet slowly out of the suffering came balance and a new sanity!

Life is full of paradoxes and today I appreciate them! I love the journey. I love to share it! It is great to be alive again inside!

Tags: Goal Settingparadoxresultscertified Life Coachrecovery Help

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