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You Are Special and Unique As I do my coaching thing, there is one thing that is a mainstay. Each of us is special and unique. Each of us has talents, and each of us is capable of setting goals and achieving them. I am a recovered person from addictions who is constantly recovering. This coupled with a great business career, some great coaching in certain aspects of my life, and obtaining coaching certification, makes me fairly unique in my field, and allows me, through experience, to help clients achieve results in varied areas of their lives, including addiction recovery. I love seeing lives restored to the greatness that is there! I was privileged to get the article below, and want to share it with all, addicted or just looking for a better life; a bigger, richer, happier life! “We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and adventure to discover our own special light.
-- Mary Dunbar
All of us are gifted. Every person has a gift that can bring great joy and light to those who encounter it. Our task is to stand in the sun and create a climate that will develop and nurture our gift.
Sometimes we are afraid to let ourselves believe we have anything special to offer or contribute to the world. We think of ourselves as plain and untalented, with no gifts or special potential. But if we believe we are limited, we act in a limited way. We take few risks and follow few paths that might develop our special talents and gifts.
In recovery we are learning to love ourselves and trust ourselves in a whole new way. Now anything is possible. To fully believe in our talents, we need only step from the darkness into the sun. We will take this first step, trust enough, and start believing that; yes, we do have special gifts.
Today let me be aware of my deep and unfilled desires, dreams, and wishes, which is the first step on the way to accepting our gifts.” I am glad to have discovered my purpose and gifts, and love working with others to help them find their unique place!
Tags: Life Restoration Coach Certified Recovery Coach Addiction
I Have the Right to be Wrong It’s taken me a long time to learn, and I was reminded again in working with a client today, I have the right to be wrong. Oft times, upon reflection, I am wrong. New behaviors dictate that when I know I am wrong, I promptly admit it, and make amends when needed. I’ve also learned that if I don’t try things, not much new will happen. Everything I try does not work out. I have made what in retrospect are large mistakes, but through them I have grown. Today, I was listening to a person beat themselves up over a mistake. Did the self-administered beating lead to anything productive for the person other than get them to pull into a shell? Both of us knew the answer. Was there learning available? There sure was, the action certainly fell under the heading of what I call a sin of commission, a nothing ventured nothing gained! On a daily business, I must remember, I have the right to be wrong. I have free will, and have yet not learned to exercise it 100% correctly, but then, I’m work in progress. In the journey, to make progress, it is sometimes two steps forward and one step back, but this results, overall in progress!! That’s all one can ask. It was a great weekend and a chance for reflection as I took time way from the computer and the “business” things I do, which are at times intensely personal. During a competitive round of golf, and in conversation with some I am closest to in my life, I made some mistakes and was far less than perfect. That was OK. It’s great to realize I have the right to be wrong; it is how I deal with it that matters. Many feel driven to be “perfect” or hit a home run in every life at bat they face. It doesn’t happen, and we have to accept our humanness. Each of us has the right to be wrong, and when wrong, deal with it in a loving fashion. What a relief to accept I’m merely human and certainly not in charge of much outside of my own life!
Tags: Recovery Coach Life Results
Having Fun Yet? Recently, life has been full of challenges that a larger than the norm. When issues are directly related to blood family, they can be more stressful than most issues. Money gets in there too. On a frequent basis, I ask myself, “Are We Having Fun Yet?” I began the journey I’m on to change so that I could get a life back that was a pleasure to live. My 12 step program and all that it has exposed me to and given me, is a huge part of the life I am enjoying. The help of “outside professionals” has also played a large part in where I’m at today. Here is another of those timely articles that I receive, and that show up at the right moment. “…we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders.” Alcoholics Anonymous, page 132 When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that cloaked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I'm taking myself too seriously - and finding it difficult to admit that I've strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the program - a spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriate - are well worth the effort. I can take myself too seriously, but thankfully, have experiences that remind me there is still a child within. I try to keep my side of the street clean on a very regular basis, and have hope and serenity, joy, in my life on a frequent basis. On the whole, I am happy, and love to work with others to help then find internal answers that we allow them too to answer the question positively! With that being said, I’ll enhance happiness by staying away from the computer for a portion of the weekend!! Enjoy it!!
Formula for Failure While reflecting on the early part of my life, seeing and understanding what happened, and looking at how things played out, it is apparent the people pleasing, the need to make others happy, has played a large role in my life. I see the remnants of this behaviour, learned at a young age, still playing out in my life today.
It has done us no good to set standards we could not reach. On many occasions, we adopted goals that couldn't be reached from the beginning. We allowed our identities to become tied in with pleasing people. If we suffered rejection, we collapsed into a quivering heap. Each time we wrapped ourselves up in a package for someone to pass judgment on, we set ourselves up for failure.
We know we are not God. We must realize no other human being is God, either. We can't ask any person to judge us. We can't judge anyone else. Early on in my journey, I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to a power greater than me, and this was a pure leap of faith. I must remember on a daily basis that pleasing my Higher Power is what it’s all about; not pleasing other people.
I can't build my life and recovery on always trying to please others. My road to success is pleasing my Higher Power.
Tags: Life Restoration Coach Addictions Recovery Results Help
Intimacy- Not What I Thought It Was.
Intimacy with another is a necessary risk if we're to know love. This means loving enough to let someone in on our most hidden parts, daring to share the awful truths about ourselves. When we hold a dreaded memory within, or fail to disclose our darkest secret, we're haunted by the fear that another's love is both conditional and long gone if the truth about us is revealed.
Though seldom remembered, one of the greatest tributes we can give one another is full expression of who we were, who we are, and who we hope to become. During any single moment, we are a composite of feelings, memories, and projections. Our reality is many faceted, and being intimate requires that we enrich each other's lives with the full expression of ourselves.
Being real is courageous; it takes a decision and practice, and it is demanded if we're to know love.
Tags: Liferestoration Coach Addiction Recovery Spiritual Awakening Transgo
Procrastination- Summer is Over Hard to believe, what we consider summer is over. School is back in, traffic is back to insane, and they days are definitely getting shorter. Seeing September 2 pop up in my calendar is shocking. There are so many things I had said to myself I would do over the summer, and of course, a lot of them didn’t get done. I believe the word is procrastination, in deadly sin terms-sloth. My new venture has been going well with the clients I am working with, but I must admit that I have not got the business in house I should have due to my own sloth. I had a pre-conceived idea as to the type of client I would be working with, but it would appear that my Higher Power has other ideas. While I thought the majority of my practice would be focused on people dealing with addictions or people affected by addiction, I have picked up business from people facing motivational and other life challenges. Some with addictions, yes, but not that many. Who knows what the future will bring? I was sure most of my coaching would be face to face, and by the nature of that, confined to people within a “drive” distance. Turns out, even with clients who live locally, my work is done over the phone, including Skype. My clients are in part locally, but also include people in Europe and the US. I sometimes wonder if I’m afraid to succeed, and therefore procrastinate to cover this fear. Why haven’t I done a brochure; why does my web site remain static; why haven’t I utilized the thousands of connections I’ve worked hard to build up on Linkedin? I know if you ask for help, many are willing to give, yet I am reluctant to ask for help. Is this false pride getting in the way? The results my clients are getting, coupled with the real satisfaction I get from working with clients, confirm that my purpose is in line with original plans, yet I procrastinate. I’m doing no one any favors, particularly myself! There is a lot going on in life outside of work issues, and through the changes brought about through my life journey, I’m handling things pretty well. Life is far from perfect, but I am generally upbeat and positive. This is a positive validation of change. So here we sit, summer over, the road ahead clear. It’s now up to me to push the peanut ahead!! I’m grateful for all the great people and good things that have happened recently, now into action- with your help!
Tags: Life Restoration Coach Addiction Recovery
Things do not change; we change.
--Henry David Thoreau For a man who is in the coaching business, and is on the life journey I’m on, I find the title statement PROFOUND. Think on it and see if you can see the depth of the thought. I spent a good portion of my life thinking I could change people, places and things. I learned the hard way that the world would run just fine without my direction, if my life were to improve; it was going to improve by my change within. I lived the true definition of insanity, repeating behaviors and expecting a different outcome. IT DID NOT WORK. The quoted words are not mine and express a truth that I totally buy in to. “The Universe by nature is loving and supportive. Successful people know how to tap this support by enlisting the cooperation of others in order to achieve their goals. They also know that to receive support, they must first support themselves.
An entrepreneur once told his fellow inventors, "Before others will believe in you, you must believe in yourself. Your faith in yourself will attract investment capital more than any business plan could."
Unfortunately, the people who need the most support often have the hardest time asking for it. Growing up in an environment where love was denied, they don't believe they deserve it. This is why it is important to affirm our basic worthiness.
People want to extend themselves to you; it feels good to give. Encourage them to do so by believing in yourself and reaching out for what you want. The Universe will reach back to take your hand. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. It cannot be otherwise.” These are the fundamentals I try to live by, use in the service work I love doing, and bring to my coaching practice. I work in a service capacity with men in addiction recovery, not as a coach, but as a sponsor. I work with clients on goals setting, life restoration, self-motivation, accountability, life balance, and adjusting to a new country and cultural norms. I coach and bring out the talents my clients have, and help them see what it is they are really searching for and coach them to use their abilities to get their dreams. In my addiction coaching work, I coach people through a process with goals in mind; goals that go beyond stopping an addiction or distancing from addictive people. Change begins in all cases when we change how we look at and deal with our self. I learned the hard way, and am pleased that I have been used to help many others make the changes they need to make for themselves. When I found out the positives that were within me (I easily knew the negatives) and focused on them, worked a process and changed, the world was a better place. The world did not change; I DID. Are you ready to seek help and change? It takes real courage!!
Tags: Life Restoration Coach Addiction Recovery Spiritual Awakening Change
Crab Bucket Syndrome What a fabulous day yesterday with my grand kids. With no other adults around, and with the range of things that we did, I loved seeing the day through the eyes of children; and being “silly” at times also. I’m so grateful that the journey I’m on allowed me to have a day like that. Have great weather this long weekend in the Toronto area, an anomaly this summer. Golf was spectacular this morning. Just returned from dinner with one of my closest “journey” friends, who also can be one of my harshest critics- a quality I love because of the spirit of his remarks. He reads these articles, so I asked him what I should write about. A couple of weeks ago, I shared with him something someone had shared with me about crab buckets. Crab buckets are not an item I give a lot of thought to normally, but did when I heard the term, and once again did when Dave reminded me. I was told that when crabs are put into a bucket (bait for fishing I assume); they will climb over each other in an attempt to regain freedom. As a crab approaches the top of the bucket and the achievement of its goal, its peers will drag it back into the mass. I think of this as the crab bucket syndrome. I know their have been times in my life where I have been jealous of another’s success, and have, in my own fashion, done something to pull them back with the rest of us mere mortals. On the flip side, I’ve certainly felt the crab bucket syndrome as I’ve climbed out of my own bucket, and witnessed it in varying degrees thousands of times. Why do people sabotage the success of others? Could it be a self-esteem issue within them? The crab in the case above has a goal; to climb out of the mass and regain freedom. In the position the crab is in, it is a very immediate and lofty goal. If the crabs worked together, one or more of their fellows would achieve freedom, and all would share in the success. Unfortunately, people seem to behave in the same manner on a more frequent basis than we would like to see. On a daily basis I ask for help to reach my own goals, and love to help be a part of others success. The work done over the time of the journey has given improvement in this area; likely not perfection, but man it feels good to be part of success, even if by association. On a daily basis, may we be free of the “Crab Bucket Syndrome”. Weather looks like it will be great all weekend. May I be of use to others and enjoy two more walks this weekend in a beautiful park, and hit the odd good shot as a bonus.
Tags: Recovery Life Coaching Addiction Self-esteem Goals
Where Are We At Today? It has been a crazy Thursday from very early in the morning, and tomorrow will be more insane. We call it “Grampy Day”, my annual venture into the world of fun with my two oldest grand kids sans parents or other adults. Golf, fishing and whatever else my little heroes want. I’m excited!! No blog tomorrow! Daily I sit down and do a journal, well almost daily. It is something that I have done since I rehabbed nearly 14 years ago, and something I do as part of my journey to a life that has been restored. I started publishing my journal as a blog on the advice of a business coach I work with. It kills two birds with one stone, it keeps me in the now and externalizing things that go through my mind as well, and it lets people who want to know, know who I am. I’ve had a fair number of comments on various things I’ve posted, am now considered an Expert” in my coaching area by Self_Growth.com and have met some great people. Yes, it has led to some business; we all have to make a living. Funny enough, my paying clients, save and accept for one, are being coached in areas that have nothing to do with addiction directly, and are making good progress; that feels good. We are going through some interesting times with two of our children. That has certainly caused some roller coaster rides emotionally, particularly when a grand child is involved. While a “BIG” problem today, a year from now it won’t be on the radar screen. We are in the troughs of getting a new home, a down grade from a financial stand point and it will mean moving to a much smaller community about an hour away. The blessing, our kids are all scattered and our new home town is where our daughter, son-in-law and 2/3 of the grand kids are. The meaning of family seems to deepen with age. Buying the house, particularly getting “extras” from the builder and at least 3 others representing the builder has been a horror story. If I ever need a lesson in bad communications, they have given it to me. The stress from some of the nonsense has been out of sight! With the changes that have been happening, and issues that have come up, coupled with a world that is challenged economically and starting a brand new venture from a work stand point, life has been nuts! I am grateful for the journey that I’m on, and the gifts I have been given. I am grateful for the opportunity to focus my work life on helping others become what they desire to become. I am grateful that despite the nonsense in my past, I speak with my children and grand children, am buying a bungalow, have god health and am blessed with many great people in my life! As much as possible, I try to live what I coach. As well, I maintain a large “service” component in my life on a volunteer basis, and keep my vocation separate! My golf game is in disrepair, and silly as it sounds, that is a reflection of some of the huge environmental issues and “challenges” that have come along in the past 15 months or so. Nice to have a hobby/passion that gives feedback on mental health!! I still love to spoil my walk in the park by golfing. I am committed to continuing my journey free from addiction and in a mode of continuous improvement. My spiritual life continues to be a major daily focus, and my relationship with me and the higher power within is alive and well. I know I have to take more initiative to build my business, but that is happening and if I preach patience, I must practice it! If I were giving a report card on “NOW”, I’d give life about 80%. As my teachers use to write, good effort and results, room for improvement! Funny, with a bit of time in the journey, great support from others, decent self-esteem, and a solid spiritual life, daily living has its ups and downs and I experience highs and lows. My defects of character still impact on me; they are who I am and I appreciate that some of my best qualities get me in to funny places! I realize every day how human I am and am not up for any awards for perfection. Keith, it a journey, not a destination, and I trudge on. I am a restoration project, being restored to what I am supposed to be!
Tags: Life Restoration Coach Awakening Addiction Recovery Journey Recovere
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