Witnessing Athletic Greatness-Testament to Coaching

Over the weekend I made a conscious decision to stay away from the computer, get some “social” time and catch up on rest. Part of the down time has been watching the Olympics.

I have a love for sports, played competitive sports in my younger days, and have a couple of coaches who pushed me to results that maxed my talent, and ultimately, were a big reason I stayed in school and did not get into “serious” trouble.

As did a large part of the world, I watched over the weekend as Michael Phelps (and his teammates) achieved 8 gold medals. There is no doubt that Phelps has unique physical gifts that give him a chance to be the best. But he preformed under immense pressure!

I read fairly extensively about Phelps, and in our national paper, the headline on Saturday had Phelps giving credit to the coaching he received. A great athlete who is challenged constantly by a coach to set goals, take responsibility, be accountable, and ultimately, to deliver up to his full potential. 8 gold medals are a clear statement about the value of talent which fully utilizes great coaching, and Phelps overtly acknowledges it.

We watched with pride as a Canadian lady wrestler took a gold, and what a story. A family chased from Vietnam, taken in by a rural community in the interior of British Columbia, a community with a great coach of the school wrestling team who welcomed all, large and small. A coach who took his small school team to provincial (state) recognition, and who molded an immigrant child into a world champion!

The individual and team performances have been marvelous. We have seen triumph, we have seen real heartbreak. We marveled at the new world records in so many events, and I shook my head in disbelief at the men’s 100 meter sprint event. Wow!

The other thing that has struck me is the amount of “personal bests” that have been achieved. Even at the highest level, not everyone has the talent to win the event outright, but all are capable of doing just a little better than ever before, and that has happened frequently. Is this not what it’s all about? Being the best you can be? You cannot control the talents of others, but in a crunch, can deliver a personal best.

The consistent thing I have witnessed while watching is the role of coaches. Oft times the coach is the first person the athlete turns to after the performance is over. In interviews and coverage, athletes constantly acknowledge the role that the coach has played, not only in helping push for performance, but for just “being there” for support. I know the great feeling a coach gets when they witness a client performing at a higher level than ever before and achieving “personal bests” in areas of importance.

Whether it be in an area like arriving at career goals and getting to them, setting goals for life balance and getting results, building stronger personal relationship with others or with self, forging a spiritual awakening, or living without addictions, great coaching is available and can help yield individual personal bests.

I am grateful to be witnessing the great performances that athletes from around the world are delivering. I marvel at a man like Michael Phelps, and all he (with support of teammates) accomplished utilizing his god given talents, and am grateful to see all the “personal bests” that are so important to individuals.

As you may guess, I truly appreciate seeing the role great coaching is playing, and the open recognition that coaching is being given. I note coaches don’t perform; they bring out the best in others.

If coaching can have such an obvious positive impact on others, why aren’t we all using a “coach” to bring out the best in us in areas we want personal bests in??

Tags: Coach Coaching Addiction Recovery Coaching Life Coaching Life Purpose

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I am determined to maintain the perpendicular position.
--Lucy Stone

Perpendicular lines make right angles; they make possible extensions of both height and breadth. Right angles are weight bearing. We speak of asserting something "squarely," making perpendiculars.

People who speak their minds freely and assert their individuality feel perpendicular; the corners they create, by their points of view, are sturdy and open. Others can use them to build structures on.

It's important to claim the perpendicular, even though we may feel pressured into curved or parallel positions. If we're centered in ourselves, others won't throw us off balance. Each of us needs to find our own center so that we can occupy our own place. Others will recognize us. Together we'll build high and wide.

My remotest ancestors dared to point their spines upright. I'll carry on the project they began.

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And Who Heals Me?

Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions. “Who Am I?”was dealt with years ago, but “What Is My Purpose?” remained vague.

I went on a real journey to discover what it is about past employment that I loved and was good at, and what did I really want to do with the balance of my working life.

I am not cut out for a “job” job, and love helping others and seeing growth, one person at a time.

I found out from examination and from others that I had been coaching and mentoring for years, had helped many, and have passion for those affected by addiction and those with a desire to transform their life. It’s something I do as a natural part of who I am.

I have no desire to be a therapist, but found I loved coaching. From my sports background, I could relate exactly to the difference a great coach makes to individual goal setting and achievement. The same techniques used by athletic coaches’ work with every facet of life. We all have strengths that can be better used. It is my passion to bring these strengths out in others.

I have gone forth, taken education, read and studied, done a lot of “free” coaching, and have been blessed with a practice that is starting to get traction. I might even break even one day. Further, I have stayed very active in helping others who are struggling with addiction and will go to group sessions. It is important to maintain a “service” component in my life. I am a well qualified coach today.

My coaching clients are people who want to deal very privately with issues and have the means and willingness to pay for a coach. My primary job is to listen and ask questions and give feedback! In many cases, people pay more attention and take more responsibility when they “hire” an expert. Go figure! They are willing to be held accountable for what they undertake. I listen to them intently, and am trained to ask great questions.

Lately I have been dealing with my own “life” issues, and with all that I know and all that I have done, I am constantly reminded about how human I am.

In working with a client this morning on motivational challenges he faces, and listening intently, it struck me how similar some of the challenges he is facing to those I currently face! I actually heard myself.

In working with another client this afternoon, I am reminded that living a great and abundant balanced life is work in progress, and that I will never realize perfection. I am also reminded that the issues I faced three weeks or a month ago are gone; replaced by the issues of today.

I do feels the ups and downs of life, and I think because of the work I do and the person that I am, I have very high expectations for me!

I have a more complete toolkit to deal with issues than most of the people I work with. I have had several coaches in my life, have continuous conversations with coaches and other professionals, and can be pretty open and honest about my feelings. I have tools, but at times can be guilty of not using them properly and getting down!

When I’m like this, who heals me?

 I have a great relationship with the higher power that has always dwelt within me and is a part of all that is in the universe. I am on a journey of spiritual (not religious) growth, and have to remember to stop and seek help and guidance on a regular basis. I have been given tools, and through conscious contact and some wonderful people I talk with, I can recognize what is going on with me, and realize that as bad as things seem (and this is relative to my expectations), I can deal with the cards I have been dealt.

But the real answer to my own question; it is you that heals me, people outside of myself, and sometimes totally anonymous.

On a daily basis I get feedback, and love it. People generally are caring and try to be positive.

In living my life purpose, there are challenges. As most who have tried know, building a business, even if you’re passionate about it, is not easy. The collective “you” are the source of inspiration, and I certainly get a piece of “the message” from many.

I have been blessed by people who do give feedback, and by many who refer others to me. I am in the gratitude mode constantly for this. I openly ask for your help to allow me to do more of what I do well.

Thanks for healing me, and thanks for the trust you place in me.

Now, who heals you? Do you allow healing to happen?

Tags: Addiction Recovery Coach Coaching Transformation

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Gratitude-A Reminder

Last night I was a t a meeting, and old timers were welcomed. A couple of people glanced my way, and I guess it a fitting title in that fellowship. I should be grateful. I was there again, and free from addictions.

Over the last period of time, we have had some major employment changes, family disappointments and have made a decision to relocate to a new area about an hour away.

With all the change that has taken place, I can get down and worried and put stress on myself. Part of it comes from no longer being “the great provider” from a financial point of view, and I’m sure I’m going through what many face as they either enter a final work chapter or heaven forbid, retirement. As strong as my spiritual life is, I’m human, and uncertainty does cause stress. While I know all will work out eventually, there are moments where I am surprised how I react.

Recently, I have realized that I have not focused enough on gratitude for what is certain, and history tells me if I get away from an attitude of gratitude I’ll pay the price. This is proven true again!

For the next period of time, I will list the things I really do have to be grateful for, and man, there are lots of them.

First is my intimate relationship with a higher power, a presence that has been with me since birth, and stayed with me and looked after me despite myself and through some internal hell. Today, I live free from addictions, and for the most part, in a pretty good space. Recognizing my higher power puts me there, and for the faith I have, I’m grateful.

I’ve got some wonderful people in my life who really love me. My benchmark of a person and our relationship is the question “If I were on an iron lung, would I want them on the pump handle?” I am very fortunate and blessed to know that there are several I could honestly say yes about.

We had our kids, grand kids, my mother and a few others together over the weekend. Our family dynamic is along way from perfect, but we were all together and enjoyed the company of each other. I know this is not the case for many families, and despite our warts, to be there for each other and celebrate together is a blessing.

After deep soul searching, and with direction of my higher power in meditation and through the words of others, I have discovered my true purpose in life from a work perspective. I have worked hard at increasing my knowledge and skills, and am now coaching others to help them find themselves and the life they deserve. This work has been as rewarding as I thought it would. I revel in being an instrument that is being used to positively change the lives of others. I have a few great clients, and my life is richer for having these people in my life.

In some ways, I think I’m afraid to succeed in this new venture. I am good at what I do, yet have been reluctant to market as effectively as I should! Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success? Deep inside that small quiet voice, and the results I am witnessing, tells me I’m on the right track and need to trudge forward and be patient.

I am truly grateful to have the opportunity, training and ability to be used to positively impact the lives of others.

As I do my gratitude lists over the next few weeks, I know that I will appreciate how fortunate I truly am and any feelings of self-pity and financial insecurity will diminish.

I play at a wonderful golf course with great people, my health is good, we live in a nice home and have some money put away for the future, we have all the necessities of life, I generally like who I see in the mirror, I have a solid program of recovery and like the service work I do, I live in a great country with freedom and peace, and my higher power is with me and loves my unconditionally with all my defects!

Even as an old-timer I can allow myself to get into some dark places.

I have known for years gratitude is an attitude, and an attitude that has not been on my radar screen in as high a priority as needed.

On a daily basis, I must thank my higher power in a thoughtful way, and consciously, write things I have to be grateful about.

In meditation, I believe an answer to a personal situation was freely given to me, and I’m glad to be an “old-timer” with a zest for life!! Thanks.

Tags: Addiction Addictions Recovery Coach Life Transformation Awakening

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It Is Only On Loan

Those who know me know that I’m an avid golfer. Every now and again, and usually out of the blue, I have a remarkably good round. The one lesson a friend instilled in me is that “it is only on loan”. That usually proves to be true!

While reading today, I came across the following that certainly reminded me of the adage, and took it deeper.

“Life is a series of letting go's - an "infinite" series of letting go's. All things in life are given us on loan. . . . Once we have learned to let go, we are prepared for whatever life gives us. And death itself is nothing to be feared.
--Matthew Fox

For many years, I resisted the concept of letting go. I resisted mostly because I didn't understand what people were talking about. I'd be loudly obsessing about something. "Just let go," they'd say. "Okay," I'd say. Then I'd walk away and wonder what they meant, and mostly how to do it. Soon, I caught on. 

Letting go is a behaviour we can practice each day, whatever the circumstances in our lives. It's a behaviour that benefits relationships we want to work. It's a helpful behaviour in insane relationships, too. It's a useful tool to use when we really want to bring something or someone into our lives, and in accomplishing our goals. It's a helpful tool to use on outdated behaviours such as low self-esteem and manipulation.

Letting go takes the emotional charge, the drama, out of things and restores us to a sense of balance, peace, and spiritual power.

Letting go works well on the past and the future. It brings us into today.

Paraphrasing the mystic writer Matthew Fox, everything that comes, comes to pass. Demystify letting go. It's not as complicated as it sounds. Learning the art of letting go really means learning to calmly let things be.”

These are certainly wise words, easier to look at and intellectually accept than put in to practise.

There are emotional situations, primarily revolving around family, that do happen in life. My tool kit tells me to let go; but easier said than done. Some of these thoughts have played on me a caused stress and little black clouds!

My inability to let go immediately has caused doubts in some of my basic beliefs, but then sanity returns.

As I look back as to what was really bothering me a month ago, I appreciate it was “only on loan” as was the last great golf game I had.  Time to go to greener pasture and see if I can loan it back. I’ve let go of what happened yesterday and know today is a new day!!

Tags: Addiction Recovery Coach Life Coach Keith Braywww.hopeserenity.ca Spir

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Do you love yourself? 

What a great question and I thank Express Coaching and their Idea Generator for sending. It is probably the first question I drill to with the clients I take on, and one each of us must regularly ask ourselves!

"At the heart of personality is the need to feel a sense of being lovable without having to qualify for that acceptance." -- Dr. Paul Tournier

Take a few minutes to write down why you perceive yourself to be unlovable. Look at the list and see if you can identify where those characterizations originated. Can you pinpoint old messages from parents, teachers, and friends that led you to negative conclusions about yourself? Are those messages valid today?

The beliefs we adopt as children usually don't hold when we view them objectively as adults. Can you let them go? Can you begin to see yourself as a unique expression of life, a genuine gift to the world?

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Buddha

"Limitless like the ocean are your excellent qualities." -- Dalai Lama

The article above is exactly in keeping with the process I take my clients through.

Few, if any, were born damaged goods. There were messages and behaviors that came to us very early in life, and set the stage for our journey. There are some who had a healthy childhood, but many who did not. Healthy in terms of the practice of good mental hygiene that leads to humble self-love.

For the most part, there is not fault to ascribe. Those who raised us did the best they could and were the products of their own adolescence.

The good thing, humans have a great capacity to awaken and change. With coaching, the abilities that are within each and every one of us can be brought out and new goals set and achieved. An abundant and fulfilling life is within the grasp of those who are willing to make change! It is a message of hope!

What are your gifts? What are your positives? What is your purpose? Are you willing to change? Are you willing to let go and move forward?

Luv

Keith     www.hopeserenity.ca

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FAMILY – The Weekend Thought

One of the most important things in my life is family, yet sometimes I wonder why.

As I start a new week, the thought of family and relationships is foremost in my mind. Funny, I’m reminded, you can pick your friends, and you can’t pick your family.

In these thoughts, I must remember the father I was while in active addiction. I loved my kids, but did not love myself. I honestly did the best I could as a father, but I will never win the father of the year award. Materially, the kids wanted for nothing. Emotionally, I could give them what I had, but for a long period, that was neither deep nor mature. I attended everything I could, tried my best to be there, but even today, still see the results of some of my behaviors from pre-recovery.

My mother was with our family group yesterday as we celebrated two August birthdays. While I’ve made huge progress in dealing with my “mother” issues over the last years, and particularly through some great coaching over this past year, my mother is an in my face reminder of where I learned my parenting skills.

Funny, today I appreciate that she did the best she could.

Over the last 10 days, I’ve had a couple of in depth sessions with clients. Both had stated that they had self-esteem issues. As we took a journey through their past, there it was again, the devastation caused by things that happened in early childhood! Scary the impact that period of life can have going forward, frightening as to how few people deal with it.

I have dealt with my own issues for over a decade.

At our family get together, and in the midst of a major concern with one of our own children (and her daughter), I am reminded of the importance of family, and the need to break cycles.

There was addiction in my family, and I certainly paid the price emotionally. I became addicted, and am fortunate that people cared enough for me to put me in a corner that made me realize I was addicted and through a power outside myself, gave me the courage to take action. For that I am grateful.

My kids were teenagers when all this happened, and were given a “family” program. They are more aware today of the impacts of parenting than I was, yet the impact I had on the family unit remains. Some have worked on “life” recovery, and the benefits show clearly. One in particular chooses to remain a victim, and havoc remains.

I have done the best I can to make amends, help is available, but I can’t fix nor be responsible any more. My children are adults and as best I can, I try not to control their lives.

On the flip side, there is a bond and support among the “family” that money can’t buy, and through recovery, there is also a degree of healthy behavior. I pray that the bond of “family” stays with our children and grand children long after my time is over!

I must admit, I find being together as a family “interesting”, and am grateful that we get together semi-frequently to celebrate landmarks. I love my family unit, and appreciate the uniqueness of each of them. I remain very sensitive to behaviors of my offspring that are in my mind very detrimental, but try to handle them in a far healthier way. Perfection still escapes me!

Listening to my clients is a great reminder to me that family issues have a huge impact on each and every one of us, particularly in our early years.

I’ve often heard it suggested that parenting classes should be mandatory for everyone before starting a family. What do you think?

As I start a new week, I find the dynamics caused by a “family” day foremost on my mind. I will continue on my journey of the recovery of a healthier life, and hope I can be a positive power of example to those I love the most, and pray a cycle gets broken!

If any of my family reads this, know how much you’re loved!

Tags: Addiction Recovery Life Coach Spiritual Awakening Life PurposeTransfo

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Patience. What Is It?

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Lida Clarkson

We all want life to unfold according to our plan. After all, we are certain we know what's best for us. But hindsight quickly reminds us that few, if any, of us had included recovery in a Twelve Step program as part of our life's plan. Yet here we are, and we are now more content than we've ever been in our lives. How did this happen?

We have come to accept that God has worked in our lives in spite of ourselves. We have been protected and guided all along the way, even though on occasion we stubbornly attempted to force open doors that were not beneficial to our growth. Fortunately our Higher Power never gave up on us. We will fulfill our purpose with all the help we need when the time is right.

Remembering that opportunities come to us when their time is right allows us to wait and trust.

My patience will pay off today. I can be certain that what comes to me today is on time.

What great words, but will I ever learn?

I am constantly reminded that patience is a virtue, on the golf course, in relationships and in life. When I practice it, things go so much better, but it is a learned skill, not something that comes naturally to me.

Funny, there are many things I have tried to be patient over, and not force doors open. Some things pay off, others get frustrating. I wonder at times if patience can’t be used as a cover for procrastination; but then I must remember there is a god’s will that is different than mine at times!

Hard to believe that!

Life is not unfolding as I had planned it, but it is unfolding. I never would have guessed as much challenge would have come along in recovery, but then, I know I’m only given what I can handle, and have handled the crap to date without going back to mood altering substance and the problems that came with that behavior.

I will wait with patience for the sweet fruit and keep my journey going as I understand it is meant to. I am will remain grateful for the blessings received. When there is adversity going on, it is easy to forget the many great things I do enjoy in life.

I’ll keep trying to stay out of my own way!! I hope to become ready.

Tags: Recovery Coach Life Transformation Awakening Purpose

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Courage and Willing to Change

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says: "I'll try again tomorrow."
--Anne Hunninghake

“A key quality that distinguishes a successful athlete, or a top-notch performer in any field, is the way he responds to his bad days. Everyone has good days and bad days, and the good ones are certainly easier to handle. But do we allow the bad ones to throw us off our course? Are we so shaken by our mistakes or troubles that we lose our focus on our goals?

Adult development is a process; it's never an end goal that we reach and hold. Our healing and recovery includes preparing ourselves to respond well to the bad days. We can do that by keeping our eye on the big picture, knowing that however bad things may seem at the moment, they will change. We learn to reach deep into our spiritual center for the courage to stay focused in the midst of our hardest days. We don't have to do it alone. We have the spiritual support of our Higher Power and the companionship of our friends to keep us on the path.

Today I will stay in touch with my spiritual center to find the courage for another day.”

As you can guess, as a Life Coach whose niche is addiction recovery, this writing hit me between the eyes like a 2’x4’. It is not only applicable to today’s journey for me, but to those I coach and those who require coaching.

To respond to those bad days, and keep moving forward, an athlete requires the tools that allow them to take things in stride. High performance people in athletics, and most in life, are coached to learn tools and bring out the best from within.

Courage is needed to change. Courage is needed to put new tools into practice, even after a less than stellar day.

One of the great things about coaching is working with people with courage. They have the potential, and it is a blessing to see them respond to the challenges they face.

It is great to see people realise their potential and win in the game of life!

Tags: Www.hopeserenity Recovery Coach Addiction Spiritual Awakening

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