Want To Get Rid Of Your Character Defects?

At this juncture of creating new footprints in the journey of life, I was well aware, more so than I’d ever been, of my defects of character. Awareness is wonderful, but I wanted change that would give me a much better life. I wanted my defects gone!

By this time, many things had changed in my life. I knew and had accepted that I was powerless over a number of things, including some mood altering substances and actions. I realized that a part of my life had been lived in moments of insanity. Most importantly, I came to realize I was not the centre of the universe, there was something both inside of me and all around me that called the shots, and that if I paid attention, this “higher power” could give me sanity and life direction if I allowed it and stayed out of my own way. I only had to control me!

I had taken an inventory, and found much good. I had become transparent to myself and another human being, and opened myself up to my higher power in admitting the wrongs I had done.

There are allegedly 7 deadly sins. In one form or another, I had found each of these, some more, some less, had played a role in my life. I had and still have defects of character. At this point in my life, I was WILLING to have my higher power remove them!

Guess what?

Even with my willingness, my defects did not disappear magically, they are a part of what makes me, me.

That being said, I asked my higher power to remove them right after I talked through my inventory. And I ask my higher power to remove my defects of character daily.

I am ready anytime my HP decides they should be totally gone. Who knows, one day that might happen!

What I do know, in being aware of my defects (like dishonestly, lust, sloth, etc.) and asking on a daily basis for help in dealing with them, their impact has diminished significantly over time. Many of the defects have not reared their ugly heads for extended periods of time. I do realize they still lurk under the surface, and my reprieve must be sought everyday to keep me aware!

I am work in progress, and I get enough feedback to appreciate the changes I’ve made. The problem is; this higher power that I strive for conscious contact with has enough trust in me that I have freedom of choice. Periodically I make a bad choice, its part of being human. But I am making better choices on a daily basis; I am making progress and will never reach perfection in the human form I’m in! But progress is great; it gives me a more abundant life, free from addictions and full of hope and serenity!

So, you want to get rid of your character defects?

I can’t promise you perfection, but I can coach/mentor you to improvements if you are willing to change. This, I know, is part of the life purpose that has been set out for me.

Tags: Addictions Mentor Addiction Recovery Keith Bray Life Transformation Coac

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Can You Confess? And Why?

One day this week, I had a response to a blog about being honest with yourself in taking a personal inventory. It was great to get a response; it’s nice to know someone actually reads what I write. The response was about being a former Catholic and the real benefit she saw in the Catholic tradition of confession.

It is a great lead in for me in my personal review of some of the footprints that occurred years ago in my journey. 12 step programs call it step five, in the mentoring work I do with people affected by addictions, because of the method I use, the “admitting” or “sharing” portion is part of the 4^th footprint my clients make.

With my inventory, I had admitted to myself and looked at what happened from birth to current. I then shared this information with my higher power in a period of reflection. But then, the hard part, I had to share with another human being. This was scary; I was going to tell another person the exact nature of my wrongs, the very secrets I was going to take to my grave.

I had an experienced and seasoned person hear my story. He listened, made a few comments as I went along and related as to how he had done several of the same things, and did not pass judgment. As a matter of fact, at times I think I was boring him!

I was truly relieved to have this stuff out in the open, and also shared a vast majority of things I had done, in general terms (please note general terms, not specifics) with my wife and partner. I had denied so many things to her. I had blatantly lied. In talking to her about my past, it helped her in recovering her own sanity. She was not nuts; I was just a convincing and repetitive liar.

After doing the inventory and admitting to my higher power, to myself, and to another human being, the weight of the garbage inside of me was lifted. I was prepared to do some real repair work.

From the point I carried out these actions to today, I have worked hard at being transparent and open to myself, my higher power, and a few trusted people (including my partner) in my life. I do not want to carry garbage with me any longer!

I’ve had the opportunity of being on the listening end quite often over the years. I listen, try to relate, try not to judge, probe with questions if there is a sign that not everything is being said, and I will admit, at times, I get a little bored.

From my own experience and the experience shared with me by others, we all think we are terminally unique and that our stories and actions will horrify others. From experience I can safely say there are a few acts that I know happen in the world that I didn’t do, nor did those I’ve listened to; but I have yet to hear anything that is terribly unique or shocking. I’m amazed at how similar people behave under like conditions and influences. We are unique in how, when, with whom or to whom, but we all travel the same road in our own way!!

Most of us on the receiving end who are experienced are shock proof!!

There is a cleansing in this type of confession. I personally do not need an intermediary to talk to my higher power through, but know some get comfort from Catholic confession. I try to keep my garbage cleared up as I go, and strive to be transparent in all matters to a few people I really trust. As best as humanly possible, I try to be honest in all of my affairs. While not yet perfect, I live comfortably in my own skin, and that is what the journey is about for me!!

While I truly feared doing the admitting part to another human being, I did it, and it was of great benefit to me!! And the person who listened to the detail remains close to me today! Will wonders never cease?

If you truly want a new and improved big life, you will find that even though you dread it, you can admit. Why? Once you have completed this process, why will be very clear!!

Tags: Keith Bray Addictions Mentor Addiction Recovery Www.hopeserenity.ca Lif

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On A Run of Bad Luck? And Wonder Why?

For a long time I thought I was on a run of bad luck!

My wife had left me, friends were pulling away, and nothing seemed to come together at work, not to mention I never won the lottery or even a lucky draw?

Ever had that feeling?? Just plain bad luck.

It’s funny after I decided to seek help and turn my life into a positive journey, how strange and positive “coincidences” started to happen. While not winning a lottery (yet), I did win a new driver in a lucky draw.

Funny how a decision I made, particularly in reaching out for help, changed my luck.

A key from decision day to today is that I try to stay out of my own way, and continue to reach out for help in several directions. I’ve invested dollars in many things but none have given me a pay back as much as investing in me; both mentally and spiritually! A big life that I enjoy thoroughly, is that not a great ROI?

So if you feel that you’re on a run of bad luck, and wonder why, find yourself an experienced coach and make an investment in you.

Within you lie the answers! I’d be pleased to introduce you to coaching through a complimentary session!

Keith Bray, Hope & Serenity.

Tags: Addiction Mentor Life Transformation Coach Www.hopeserenity.ca Keith Bra

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How Many Personalities Hanging In Your Closet?

I get a chance to go to some very interesting meetings with some very bright people. All should understand you meet very bright people in recovery programs; they were smart enough to do something about their living problems.

Today a person stated that during his “dark” days, he has innumerable personalities hanging in his closet, one for each occasion or person!

Man, could I relate.

My inventory showed me a person (me) who never felt good enough, a person driven to show he was OK, and a person who took great delight in getting the approval from others. I wanted my existence to be validated by “you”, who ever “you” were. It was terribly important.

To make this happen, within reason, I could be almost anyone “you” wanted me to be. To do this, I had a personality for each occasion, much like I kept my wardrobe. One size did not fit all, and I know today each of these personalities contained synthetics, no one, including me, knew the authentic.

Things are vastly improved today, and that is why I believe in the truth of Popeye- I am what I am. And I am Keith Bray.

I know I am not that unique. So I ask, how many personalities do you have in your closet?

I mentor and coach a program that can help you find a beautiful authentic personality in your closet! On you’ll leaqrn to love because it is real.

And thank you John for such a profound statement today. I invite openly requests for a free sample session!

Tags: Keith Bray Addiction Mentor

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Sick As Your Secrets?/Transparency

What a great reminder tonight, and it tied in to closing off my personal inventory.

I, like many others, had secrets buried deep inside of me that I honestly thought I die with. No one ever had to know.

Today I am aware that these secrets caused guilt and shame daily, and some I had buried so deep that in my own Disneyland, they were off the radar screen.

I’d heard people say you are only as sick as your secrets. As I started my journey to a new life, I had no idea of how true the statement is!

I had taken one feeble stab at a personal inventory, and it had not yielded great results.

Using a guideline I’ve incorporated into my addiction mentoring and coaching practice, I dug deep in to the dark corners of my past. And oh the secrets that came from within me and onto paper. I can honestly say I was guided to memories I had buried in places I had just locked up.

I took the time in doing this inventory, and once again, I found good and good intentions along with the dark secrets and other bad behaviors. In any inventory of things, there is both good and bad stock. While the good things did not cause me to use mood altering substances and take mood altering actions, I had really lost perspective on the bad.

It has struck me, if you look at the world through an a..hole, all you will see is s..t, and I was there.

In reviewing my inventory after completion, I became aware of all the secrets I had stashed inside my head. And it felt good to have them out there.

Once I had gone through this searching, fearless and at times painful exercise, I found I had become transparent to myself, and for the first time in my adult life I had a very good idea of what had happened from a point of innocence to my personal bottom, and why I had followed the route.

In reading the inventory a day or two after completion, and reading it almost like it was the story of another person, I had a tear in my eye and realized that I was a good person who had really strayed from the path, and I felt empathy (not pity) for the person and the waste. I also committed to myself that I would never build up secrets again, that I would be honest to myself: transparent to me!

This was hard work, but looking back many years later, it was work that was worth every minute. Thanks to the strength given to me by my higher power, and using my will and character properly and honestly, I have not had a secret from my past jump out and bite me! For this I’m grateful.

At this point, I had completed step 4, my 4^th footprint, and was ready for the challenges to come!

I was sick in part because of my secrets, and became ready to be transparent to me.

The challenge, if some of this step 4 stuff strikes a chord, you must decide, have I got the intestinal fortitude to move ahead and disgorge the secrets that keep me sick? Am I prepared to live a life transparent at least to myself?

Tags: Keith Bray Life Transformation Coach Addiction Mentor Www.hopeserenity.c

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Are You A Friend of You?

In doing an inventory, this was one of the questions I asked myself. I continue to ask it on a regular basis. How would I feel about doing or witnessing certain actions to or being done to a friend? In this context, I’ve inflicted things on myself I’d never wish on another person, and allowed things to happen to me that I’d stop if I saw them being done to a friend!

This was and sometimes continues to be a shocking truth!

As Eleanor Roosevelt is credited with saying, “Friendship with oneself is very important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world”.

I did things that harmed myself; I avoided understanding why I Felt less than; I always knew I did not like time alone with me (phone,radio,TV,etc.), I disliked quiet time. Worst of all, I could not forgive myself for some of the things I did.

I’ve always (and still do) taken comfort in knowing I am a uniquely good friend to my friends. Why couldn’t I be a good friend to me?

My inventory let me see who I was and helped me to understand why. Even at my worst, there was still a presence of some good things, I was never entirely bad.

Each day, I find a way to remind myself of the good, and find away to give myself a small reward for just being me. I often reflect on the words of my favorite philosopher-Popeye- I am what I am and that’s all that I am. New thinking- what I am certainly good enough.

Today, I am a friend to me. I work at taking care of myself so I can truly be there for others.

So back to the question; Are You A Friend To You? If the answer is no, we should talk!

Tags: Addiction Recovery Life Coach Www.hopeserenity.cakeith Bray

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Ever Taken Inventory of You??

Often in my life I have been guilty of taking the inventory of others! In my journey of recovery, I was asked to take an inventory of myself. That was different.

I had found myself at 46 with no idea of who I was or how I became the sad person that I was. As I got into a program of recovery for myself, I was told to be fearless and thorough in my inventory taking.

I tried as directed by the bible of “AA” and as directed by people at the treatment center I attended. I did the best I could, yet got little from the exercise. Finally I was given a very detailed questionnaire, and told to answer every question independently, and just write the answers. Not think about what was the right thing to say; and not to refer back but to keep just going forward.

This exercise took me into nooks and crannies I had not thought about forever. It gave me some good memories, some bad memories, and some thoughts that were emotionally draining enough that I had to take a time out!

I wrote and I wrote, and was as brutally honest as I could be.

At the end, I put the narrative away for a few days, then pulled it out and read it as objectively as I could.

There, before my eyes, was the story of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. I could see wrongs I had done and people that I had hurt (including myself). I could clearly see the very good points in me and as clearly the defects that had developed in my character.

What a revelation.

For the first time in my adult life, I had a good understanding of what happened to me and who I had become. It was astonishing.

There was a day in my life between the ages of 3 and 4 where my world changed dramatically, and a new pattern of behavior developed because my security had been taken from me. From there, I did things to seek attention, and began a search to once again truly “belong”. From that day forward for a period of over 40 years, I was never again comfortable in my own skin. Scary the things I did; I was an actor on a stage and built my own Disneyworld that over time became quite real.

How many have ever taken a true inventory of themselves and for themselves? Ever wonder what makes you you, particularly when you say to yourself “How could I do that?”

There is an answer, and for me this inventory was life altering in a very positive way once I was shown how to dig deep, and could do it with out fear. Yes, the coaching and encouragement of others who had been there and got the t-shirt helped me immensely!

Are you in need of an inventory of you? Do you know how you became the you that you see in the mirror today?

Tags: Addictions Mentor Addiction Recovery Life Coach Www.hopeserenity.ca Kei

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THE GOD THING-ME?

Had some great feedback over taking a first step, powerless and unmanageable! Thanks. I learn from hearing from others.

I sometimes wonder if I’m not addicted to golf. Played twice over the weekend. Each day, even on the occasions of playing very poor shots, I am amazed by how I don’t get angry. This is behavior that only started after I awoke spiritually. To boot, I am nearly 100% of the time I’m on the course aware of the beauty of nature that surrounds me, and the peace that is there when I quiet.

I play with some very interesting people. A man I call a friend, and who was terribly addicted, was a golf partner. He hit his bottom nearly a year ago, and has been free of his mood altering substance of choice for just about a year. The change in him and his relationship with those he loves the most is a miracle, and I truly enjoy his company.

His life is still terribly busy and filled with problems.

During our time together, we talked about finding a higher power who could restore us to sanity and who we were willing to lives and will over to. I always remember, my higher power gives me free will and allows me mistakes!

The “god” thing is often a tough concept for people new to recovery and self-discovery to deal with. For me, I had been badly let down by formal religion, and at 20, had closed my mind to the god that group of people followed. Many I run into have trouble with a god who will allow bad things to happen to people they love, or to them. What kind of god allows the natural disasters we frequently hear about? The whole higher power thing is more than they can handle.

For me, I came to understand that I did not run the world and everyone around me. In my own way, and in my own small world, I had tried, and ultimately failed. I always believed things happened for a reason, and my awakening started when I realized that there might be something outside of me and bigger than me that called the shots. And note, I said might.

There were a few people I knew who were more powerful than me, and initially they were my higher power. During a breakthrough conversation with a spiritual coach while I was in treatment, something happened to me that I to this day can’t explain, and I quit denying god and started to look. My eyes were open to a different world, and the small voice inside of me became stronger; I was listening better to it.

I saw others who had big addiction (sanity) issues, and were one day at a time free from them. A measure of sanity had returned to their lives. Yet others told me they could turn problems over to their higher power, and things got better. While I had real trouble for a while believing this could work, I at least became WILLING to give it a try.

From having no belief in anything bigger than my self for a very long time, and being angry at a god of my former church who had really dropped the ball and been consciously shut out and denied in my life, to a person who realized that there might be something bigger than me which could help my mental state and possibly I could turn to this source for help with living issues, was a quantum shift.

It was a shift I made much easier than I could have imagined because I became willing. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I didn’t get “religion” then, nor do I have it now in a text book way. While today I have nothing against any religion, I do not feel compelled to attend a church.

Over the last dozen plus years, I have found conscious contact with this higher power. For ease, I call this higher power god, we need a label for everything, but god to me is Good Orderly Direction.

Do not ask me to draw a picture of my higher power, but I can feel its presence whenever I make contact. I see and feel my higher power in all about me and within me. I hear my higher power through other people and in things I read. My higher power is alive in each and every living thing if I allow myself to see it! The relationship is in continuously more powerful state of evolution; it is the journey I’m on.

My first step was a tough one. Surrendering was not easy. The next steps, those which put a source of life itself back into my life were not easy, because I fought a truth. But I did come to believe and did become willing!

So, no religion per say today, but knowledge that there is a higher power at work in life today, yesterday, and in the today’s to come. I know this to be true, and am relieved I don’t have to run the show,

In my own way I have a god in my life today  which is real to me, and who is always there a loves me, even if I hit bad golf shots!!

Tags: Spiritual Contact Belief Awakening Addiction Mentor Step 2

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First Steps-Do You Remember?

My parents and family have told me about my first steps. I certainly don’t remember them, but I am told I was an “early” walker.

Seems I was early at trying a lot of things-booze, girls, dope, motorcycles, lying, stealing, cheating! I was not early getting into a journey of recovery.

In many of my vices, I remember those first steps so well!

The first step on my journey to recovery I remember oh so well. The woman I loved announced she was leaving me, and in fact did so. This wasn’t the first step yet, but it sent me plummeting to a new bottom, a lower point in life than I’d ever been at.

I still had a house, still had cars, still had a job, still had some money, but had lost the person I cared most about. I went out of control emotionally. We sought a marriage coach because we loved each other, and it was this coach who led me to an addictions coach/mentor who got me to take that first step in the journey of recovery!!

Man, I remember that time in my life vividly!!

With a lot of help from others, I was introduced to a program of recovery, and worked with many others to take that first step; one of 12.

The first step told me that a group of people who had recovered, and many of whom were seemingly beyond help, had admitted that they were powerless over their addiction/or an addicted person, and their lives had become unmanageable.

Here I was a big shot in my own mind, seemingly reasonably successful to the outside world, all of the trappings. Me powerless? Me, the great manager, fixer, and controller of all around me, powerless?? My ego said no way, yet the small quiet voice said “Keith, it’s true, own it and move forward”.

That first step was real tough. Today I am properly proud that I had the courage to take the step, and follow the steps that gave me a spiritual awakening, a new purpose to life, and began a life long journey of loving life with no particular destination. As I’ve been taught, I’m trudging the road of happy destiny.

I’ve seen much discussion on the concept of powerlessness. Some say we are never powerless, and I can accept some of that logic. I have always had the power to make choices. When I made choices to take part in or use my mood altering “friends”, I was powerless over outcomes once I started. I had so many feelings stuffed inside of me that caused pain. I had no idea of how to identify these feelings and deal with them in a healthy way. My addictions were a temporary medication for the “soul” pain I felt, and at that first step, I was spiritually empty!

Unmanageable?  Again, the outside world would look and think I had my “poop” together.

Few knew of the places I went late at night or the risks I took. I would hide my “dark side” and other life from people I knew. The love of my life was gone. I was crying a lot. My kids supported me the best they could, but were very concerned about my mental state and telling me I needed help. My good and loyal dog distanced himself from me (surprising how perceptive pets can be), I drove under the influence, people were pulling away from me, I suffered scrapes and bruises when I bumped into things; and more.

Unmanageable? My life?

In that first step, I remember accepting and then surrendering to the reality of the situation. It was humiliating and humbling, but the relief I got from that first step was indescribable. I didn’t have to lie and hide any more. Those who were coaching me and who had something I wanted told me that things would be OK, and that gave me hope!

I look back and remember each of my children, and now grand children, taking that first step. A little afraid, wobbly and uncertain, but knowing it was the time to do it and that they would be OK. Their first steps allowed them to explore a world bigger than anything they knew existed, and started them on a journey!

My first step in recovery began me on a journey to a life that I had not known as an adult, and I continue to walk this journey with determination, and humbled by the gifts of hope and serenity that I experience on a daily basis.

Is there a first step in an area of your life you need to take? I’m here to share and help.

Tags: Addictions Mentor Life Coach Www.hopeserenity.ca

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