A July Weekend- Validation

Life, upon reflection, is always interesting. I have been blessed beyond anything I could have imagined, and only realize how much when I reflect on what has happened over a fairly short period of time, and how I was able to handle things and what I allowed myself to feel.

Entering the weekend, I was really wondering how I (and many others) “get” a recovery program, and many very bright people stay away from their addiction for a while, and get right back to it. This was prompted by watching a couple of people go backwards in recovery last week. I know that being too smart and full of false pride get us in our own way, and keep us from getting the grace our higher power offers us.

Friday night, I had the honour of being “best man” at my brothers wedding (a second wedding). As with many families where members end up on a recovery journal, our family was not one that would win a medal for good practice of mental hygiene. It functioned in its own way, but not with good head health!

I certainly had some strong feelings about the wedding. Years ago I would have done some things that subtly sabotaged the event; in part to get attention. With the help of my higher power, I played my role, including MC at the reception, in a loving and proper fashion. For that I was grateful and knew my higher power had directed my conduct.

Over the last couple of years, I have searched deeply for my purpose in life. I knew that there was a space I wanted to work in, a very narrow space, for the working days I had left.

For 14 years I had felt inside that I wanted to work in a role where others may benefit, and that if I stayed in conscious contact with my higher power, I could be a conduit to others.

Slowly but surely this is unfolding, and I am thankful that god has given me the patience to allow it to happen in his time.

Over the weekend I had the privilege of taking part in a 5^th step/footprint with a client in Europe. The wonders of technology allowed this to happen. It was interesting; upon reflection, to be fully there, to be able to listen and occasionally ask a question that triggered thought and release. One can never be sure of the outcome of work, only the other person truly knows if they have brought forth all that was hidden, but my sense is that both of us gained immeasurably from the experience. I certainly felt a strong sense of compassion for the things this person had experienced in the years that they were being shaped, and realize this person has the “disease” of addictions, and was put in a situation where initially addiction was a tool that allowed survival, then took over to be a tool of destruction!

Many of us have lived that story. I am grateful to be able to be there for others, and understand what release they can gain on their journey.

I was home alone all weekend, yet was able to remain in a good head space, reach out to others, take part in healthy social and physical activities, and grow just a little bit stronger. I even was able to willing spend some quality time one on one with my mother, who is institutionalized, and for whom I carried a resentment towards for decades!

I am thankful to coach Gary Glasscock who helped me get over the remaining bit of resentment I held on to, and I am thrilled to be able to just “be there” for my mother as she completes her life. Those who know me know what a huge change this is in my life. Over the period of the weekend, I went through a range of emotions, allowed myself to feel them, and dealt with those feelings that were not positive ones in a healthy way. I was alone, but never alone, as I felt the presence of my higher power every time I sought conscious contact. I was of service to others and did some healthy things, and nothing that was destructive to others.

This truly is a new life that has unfolded, and validates the message my higher power gave to me in the summer of 1994, and reinforces on a regular basis.

There is a journey to a more abundant life available to all of us if we stay out of our own way, and are not “too smart” or prideful to accept it.

I reflect on a weekend that at first blush was uneventful, yet was truly a miracle that came out of a journey to a new life! It is there for all who seek it!!

Tags: Recovery Of Life Fight Addictions Life Coaching

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I Got An Unmerited Gift. Interested In One Too?

By definition, unmerited means undeserved, and the gift I was given, the gift of life recovery-was seemingly undeserved. Why me?

The question has no answer that I understand.

For a long period of time, my life was in decline, some periods slow, some much more rapid and obvious to others. I was “too smart” to think anything was wrong. I was “too smart” to listen to the signals from others and away “too smart” to get help!

My personal relationships were in decline, to make an understatement, I wasn’t feeling good about myself, my mood altering activities were not doing what they once had done and my job performance was not nearly as good as it could have been. But I was functioning and showing a face to the world that said “I’m Fine”. I wasn’t.

While I have always tried to “give back” in my own way to things I was involved in, and was always there to help others, I know today while well intended, these things were part of the mask I wore. I wanted external validation that I was OK and liked.

The unmerited gift came right out of the blue. I don’t know why me.

To oversimplify, through a marital situation, I sought outside help. This help lead to another professional, to coaching and to therapy. It also lead to a support group. For some unknown reason it dawned on me, if I were that smart, why I had hit the lows that I hit.

I chose to get out of my own way and try something new. I sought help, and I sought change. While addictions certainly played a role in my past, what I truly wanted was a life with hope, serenity, feeling feelings, loving unconditionally, and the laughter and restful sleep I knew others enjoyed.

The gift had been waiting there for me for years. It is waiting for all who want it. To get it I had to get dumb, get out of my own way, and learn to trust. I have been fortunate to receive this unmerited gift, and it grows in its blissfulness everyday.

I wondered out loud today about why so many I see who have hit a “low” just don’t get it even when it is offered to them. Wise people explained to me that most of them are “too smart” or too something to get it. If they’re lucky, they’ll dummy up and get it.

I am grateful that I was chosen, on an unmerited basis, to get the gift of an abundant and rich life. It is there for all who need it.

Are you interested in getting a gift??

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ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE? It’s Coming.

“The reality is that changes are coming . . .They must come. You must share in bringing them.
--John Hersey

Change. It's scary. It's hard. It's needed. Sometimes it feels good; other times it feels bad. But one thing is for sure: it keeps on happening.

Just when our life seems settled, it changes. We can't stop life. We can't stay this age forever. The world changes. Life moves on. There are always new things to do and learn.

Change means we're always beginners in some ways. We need to ask for wisdom and courage. We get it by listening, by praying, by meditating. When we ask, our Higher Power will teach us to be part of good changes.”

Hard to add much to the truths as quoted. In the spirit of life, I must suggest that you can prepare and be ready for change with mentoring/coaching that is in keeping with the philosophies above.

There is life after addiction in abundance. There is life after inner pain. It requires change. Are you ready??

And on the same day, but on topic:

ll miracles keep offering new opportunities just when I need change and growth. New friends have shown me hidden truths in those sayings that I once found so shallow. The lessons of tolerance and acceptance have taught me to look beyond exterior appearances to find the help and wisdom so often lurking beneath the surface. All my sobriety and growth, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, are dependent upon my willingness to listen, understand, and change.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 542

Tags: Fight Addictions Keith H Bray Life Coaching Addictionswww.hopeserenity

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Little Dark Clouds

Some days I feel like a cartoon character and not my beloved Popeye.

I am the person you see in the cartoons with the little black cloud over my head every where I go. I’m thankful that I don’t get this way often, and know it will pass, but the feeling is here, right now. I think some call it depression, I call it a funk!!

I have been on a journey to an improved life for a long time! I coach people on balance and goal setting, and work with many in addiction recovery. Yet I was there, in a funk, black cloud and all.

It’s now gone.

Why??

Simple stuff that I should remember, yet frequently don’t, and then pay the price.

Yes, there is a bit of real stress in my life at the current time. A couple of things have happened involving family and friends that have rattled me, and in one particular instance left me with a financial mess I truly didn’t think could happen.

Reason for concern, not a funk!

I took a time out today. Had a great lunch and walked 5 miles in a green pasture with friends I enjoy. I took the time to appreciate the beauty I was surrounded by and got some meditation time in.

And guess what?

The funk has lifted and the sun is shining inside again!

Even having kicked around for a long time doesn’t exempt me from minor depression! I’ve had great teachers, but some times I forget what they have ingrained in me about mental hygiene and life balance. It is easy to just forget what keeps me sane; I get caught up in life as do most people, and forget to do what needs to be done.

So there we go, I feel like Popeye again. I’ve got a client to coach this evening, and I’m glad I’ll be 100% there for her!!

For what I have been taught, and the higher power that guides me, I am truly grateful.

As Popeye said, “I am what I am”.

Tags: Keith H Bray Www.hopeserenity.ca Addiction Recovery Coach Fighting Addi

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Self-Reflection

-we all need it

So far, it’s been a really interesting day. Things are now quiet, and I am reflecting on a few things that have happened lately.

In response to one of my journals, I got some very constructive feed back on content and approach, and some constructive feedback on my web site which I can incorporate to make it more helpful, and to hopefully increase the amount of work I am doing.

This morning, I had the opportunity to work with two very different contacts.

One is in Europe, is mature in life experiences, and is focused on recovering from a life where some of the same experiences I went through are common to both of us. So were the ways we dealt with inner pain. I have been on the journey of recovery much longer than her, but am thrilled and amazed to be a witness to her growth. We share a common language in more ways than one, a language of the heart, and it impacts our sessions in a very special way. She brightens my life!

I have also worked with a young man this morning that is in the early stages of building a career. He has so much going for him, and it is a thrill to see the good things that are within him come out. He is setting goals, adjusting as is practical and making steady progress and practicing some new behaviors that will lead him to career and life success. In a very different way, he helps keep me centered!

These things feel good; they are the purpose I feel is my life!

I realize that I can seem like I have my “poop” together, and can get what was lovingly referred to “preachy”. I am trying to learn how to change that, and make it easier for people to relate.

Each day when I journal, I try to come straight from the heart, and the primary thought is to get things that are inside of me outside! Fact is that the lousy days for a good piece of time have been few and far between. I have had a ton of help, and I try to acknowledge it regularly. I’m in the “helping” business because I believe in it personally. I love working with people as a “guide” on a life recovery journey because I love the journey.

It blows me away that statistically, about 10% of the population are affected by addictions, and at least as many are affected adversely by self-esteem issues. Hard to have a good life on the outside when you’re a mess on the inside! I learned this the hard way! Yet with so many “struggling” out there, so few get help, get hope, or get serenity and do not realize abundance in their life. A real pity.

If I can help a few, it’s a win/win. My clients and those I do “service” work with on a daily basis give me at least equal to anything I can offer them, and they add to the richness of my life. I’m grateful. Life has its ups and downs. On the whole, at this moment in time, while not being what I want 100%, I’m in a pretty happy space and spiritually grounded! This, I believe, gives me something to offer to others.

Once again, I encourage comments and questions to anything I publish! There is a world of experience out there that I can learn from.

Upon reflection, I know my journey is uphill, but progress is slowly occurring!! Thank you, by reading this, for being part of the trip.

Tags: Addictions Recovery Coach Keith H Bray Www.hopeserenity.ca

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Seeing The Past

-flashback to my 20’s, it’s not me today

I went to a concert over the weekend to see Credence Clearwater Revival, or what’s left of the group. The music was great, it really was good old rock and roll, but the feelings were funny!

There was a lot of gray hair in the crowd, including my gray hair. When some of the great old chart toppers were played, there were a number of people up and trying to move like they did in the “70’s. Much of it was not a pretty sight.

I did not get a charge out of watching 60+ years’ olds on stage. They do not look particularly becoming with tattoos, but then that’s my taste. They could still play, and they could still sing, but it’s not how it was 40 years ago. Things change.

When CCR was the world’s best selling band, I was in a whole different lifestyle, and I certainly remembered that during the concert. As well, I felt grateful that the lifestyle, by choice and with help, not because of age, has changed.

In CCR days I was building a career, starting a family, and developing the exterior person who acted on the business stage.

I was active in addiction and lifestyle issues that I’m not proud of. I was living the life of a double agent, and I wasn’t James Bond! These thoughts came through my head during the concert, and watching the older folks trying to be young again gave me a feeling of gratitude.

Things have changed dramatically in my life, particularly in the self-esteem and spiritual areas. The past is just that, and I will not ever try to recapture it by going to “oldies” concerts. I love living in the day I have today, and with the elements and people that are part of my life today.

Over the weekend, I had a chance to talk with friends about the concert. I wonder if it is seeing myself getting older that is having an impact, even though I think I’m comfortable being 60. While there was an energy and a recuperative power in my 20’s, there are so many positives today, not because of age (despite it actually) but because of the journey of life recovery.

Friday night at the concert was a flash back to the past. I saw it, enjoyed the music and the company of who I was with, but realize, I can’t, and don’t want to, relive the past.

Contemporary concerts going forward, oldies in recorded form!

This thinking is likely not for every one, CCR concerts will still be packed, but it makes sense to me. I saw the past, and want to live in today!

Tags: Keith H Bray Life Purpose Coach Addictions Recovery Coach Www.hopeseren

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Do You Paddle Your Canoe?

“As one goes through life, one learns that if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.”

This comment is attributed to the late Audrey Hepburn, and if she didn’t make it, some one should have. It gives lots to think about.

I go through the normal ups and downs in life. Generally my “highs” are not over the moon, nor my lows in the depths. This is because of the journey I’m on and the great things I’ve been taught about life balance.

I learned many years ago that I benefit from the help of others, and am not afraid to ask for help and sound out ideas. There are many around who have a better knowledge in some areas than I will ever have, or want to have for that matter. I’ve benefited, and still do, from great coaches, mentors and friends who I trust and whose directions I respect.

Ultimately, I am responsible for paddling my own canoe.

We need a map and direction, but the responsibility for action lies firmly with me. I have a strong spiritual foundation, and my relationship with my higher power is constantly growing. That force, in most areas, is my compass, and I remember that daily in prayer and meditation.

 I have been given the tools and direction. I am responsible, if I want positive movement in my life, to paddle the canoe using the tools provided.

I honestly do the best I can, and some days are far better than others. Do you paddle your canoe?

If you say yes, you’ll love the journey!

This seems to be my week for 2 day golf tournaments. Saturday’s round is done, and I’m still in the hunt. With Greg Norman doing it in the British Open so far, there is “hope” for seniors. By Monday, I’ll have all the golf answers!

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Are You A Good Listener?

-it is a learned skill

I was a school day yesterday amongst other things. Thursday is a day I continue to take to focus on my own personal development.

Our lecture yesterday was on listening, a part of the core skills that are essential to coaching.

While going through the lecture, I was reminded, listening is an art, something learned through practice, and something I have a lot of room to improve. The focus has to be beyond what we’re listening to; it has to include what we’re listening for. Good listening is a gift.

I’ve been involved in mentoring and coaching for many years, and have always tried to be a good listener. I am aware that many times, while someone else was talking, I had a thought in my head that I was just waiting to get out, and I know now that that causes a defocus on listening to the other person.

In my chosen career, and in the service work I do, the better a listener I become, the better I am at doing my share, and my role should be “limited” in the talking I do.

During our lecture, listening was broken down into four levels-cosmetic, conversational, active and deep. These levels go from cosmetic (appear to listen, but somewhere else) to deep (more focused on you than me, hear who you are). Obviously in coaching and mentoring we want to be “deep” listeners. As stated, this is a learned skill, one am working on through exercises.

In reviewing my lecture notes, and reflecting upon them, there is a shocking truth that comes out.

One of the big things I felt in life, at least to well into my 40’s, was that frequently no one really listened to me. On the reverse, I could relate to cosmetic and conversational listening. I know I cared deeply enough to “actively” listen in some situations (but not when the situation was negatively directed at me) and had moments where I listened deeply, but far too few. Can others relate?

It sort of a sad statement that there are so many in this world who need to be heard on a far deeper level than occurs daily. How many of us walk around saying “doesn’t anyone ever listen, doesn’t anyone hear what I’m saying?’. As noted earlier, we all need someone who knows what to listen for, who listens beyond the surface.

Look around at the various occupations that have evolved where the principle role of the trained professional is to listen. Look into your own life and the lives of those you are close to. How many have a place where they are truly heard, yet it is essential that each of us be heard.

I think the topic of listening and active practice is something that should be taught in a formal sense at a fairly early stage in life. Listening, as I’ve learned over the years through people I’ve had as professionals and close associates in my life, is truly a gift. I’ve also learned that it is a gift that can be gained through being aware and practicing skill drills. I’m committed to life long improvement as a listener.

So some food for thought, upon reflection, are you a good listener? Who are the great listeners in your life?

Tags: Keith H Bray Addictions Recovery Coach Life Purpose Coach Life Transfor

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Gratitude and Remember When

I just had the privilege of playing a 2 day member/guest tournament at the golf course I’m privileged to belong to.

We did not win a thing, but played as well as we could for 2 long days, 27 holes the second day. It feels good to know that you went out and did the best you could, competed fairly and honestly, and enjoyed every thing that was around and stayed clean and sober.

I am filled with gratitude and do remember when!

I remember well when an event like this would have been a great excuse to get “lost” with the help of my “outside” agents. I would have hung with those who got as “hammered” as I did, would have gambled my brains out and “bought” for many, and would have spent little time enjoying the company of my guest and those I played with. I certainly would not have taken the time to enjoy the surroundings, and would usually “hear” about something I may or may not have done, felt guilty, and inside obsessed about what others thought and then dismissed these thoughts with an insincere “who cares”. I really did care!

My guest for the last couple of days is a real friend. A man I knew through competitive sports in high school, and who my higher power put me together with many years ago. We bonded.

He has fought a victorious battle with cancer and this past year, had his total ankle replaced. He never complained, even when undergoing heavy duty treatments or staying in the game of life and living with excruciating pain. He is a man of courage and I love him.

I am grateful for having a life that just allowed me to “be” with him for the past couple of days-competing, laughing, sharing philosophies and lives. He is a friend and a real gift, and I am so grateful for the journey of life recovery that allowed me to have these past 2 days in his company!

I remember the day that at this time after an event, I’d still be carrying on and paying the price, including the wondering what really happened, for a few days after.

Sitting here, reflecting, gives me a bench mark to measure against. Through hard work but with a ton of help, the journey to the recovery of a real life has made a huge positive change in how I live and relate to myself, and to the world I live in!

At any event like the one just finished, you can’t help but notice a few people who reminded me of the me that was before I had an awakening. I sincerely pray that they find a journey of their own.

What a great 2 days, and I’m truly grateful to have been able to experience and enjoy!

Tags: Keith H Bray Life Transformation Addictions Recovery Coach Life Purpose

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