Things do not change; we change.
--Henry David Thoreau

For a man who is in the coaching business, and is on the life journey I’m on, I find the title statement PROFOUND. Think on it and see if you can see the depth of the thought.

I spent a good portion of my life thinking I could change people, places and things. I learned the hard way that the world would run just fine without my direction, if my life were to improve; it was going to improve by my change within. I lived the true definition of insanity, repeating behaviors and expecting a different outcome. IT DID NOT WORK.

The quoted words are not mine and express a truth that I totally buy in to.

“The Universe by nature is loving and supportive. Successful people know how to tap this support by enlisting the cooperation of others in order to achieve their goals. They also know that to receive support, they must first support themselves.

An entrepreneur once told his fellow inventors, "Before others will believe in you, you must believe in yourself. Your faith in yourself will attract investment capital more than any business plan could."

Unfortunately, the people who need the most support often have the hardest time asking for it. Growing up in an environment where love was denied, they don't believe they deserve it. This is why it is important to affirm our basic worthiness.

People want to extend themselves to you; it feels good to give. Encourage them to do so by believing in yourself and reaching out for what you want. The Universe will reach back to take your hand. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. It cannot be otherwise.”

These are the fundamentals I try to live by, use in the service work I love doing, and bring to my coaching practice.

I work in a service capacity with men in addiction recovery, not as a coach, but as a sponsor. I work with clients on goals setting, life restoration, self-motivation, accountability, life balance, and adjusting to a new country and cultural norms. I coach and bring out the talents my clients have, and help them see what it is they are really searching for and coach them to use their abilities to get their dreams.

In my addiction coaching work, I coach people through a process with goals in mind; goals that go beyond stopping an addiction or distancing from addictive people.

Change begins in all cases when we change how we look at and deal with our self. I learned the hard way, and am pleased that I have been used to help many others make the changes they need to make for themselves.

When I found out the positives that were within me (I easily knew the negatives) and focused on them, worked a process and changed, the world was a better place. The world did not change; I DID.

Are you ready to seek help and change? It takes real courage!!

Tags: Life Restoration Coach Addiction Recovery Spiritual Awakening Change

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Crab Bucket Syndrome

What a fabulous day yesterday with my grand kids. With no other adults around, and with the range of things that we did, I loved seeing the day through the eyes of children; and being “silly” at times also. I’m so grateful that the journey I’m on allowed me to have a day like that.

Have great weather this long weekend in the Toronto area, an anomaly this summer. Golf was spectacular this morning. Just returned from dinner with one of my closest “journey” friends, who also can be one of my harshest critics- a quality I love because of the spirit of his remarks. He reads these articles, so I asked him what I should write about.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared with him something someone had shared with me about crab buckets. Crab buckets are not an item I give a lot of thought to normally, but did when I heard the term, and once again did when Dave reminded me.

I was told that when crabs are put into a bucket (bait for fishing I assume); they will climb over each other in an attempt to regain freedom. As a crab approaches the top of the bucket and the achievement of its goal, its peers will drag it back into the mass.

I think of this as the crab bucket syndrome.

I know their have been times in my life where I have been jealous of another’s success, and have, in my own fashion, done something to pull them back with the rest of us mere mortals.

On the flip side, I’ve certainly felt the crab bucket syndrome as I’ve climbed out of my own bucket, and witnessed it in varying degrees thousands of times.

Why do people sabotage the success of others? Could it be a self-esteem issue within them?

The crab in the case above has a goal; to climb out of the mass and regain freedom. In the position the crab is in, it is a very immediate and lofty goal. If the crabs worked together, one or more of their fellows would achieve freedom, and all would share in the success.

Unfortunately, people seem to behave in the same manner on a more frequent basis than we would like to see.

On a daily basis I ask for help to reach my own goals, and love to help be a part of others success.

The work done over the time of the journey has given improvement in this area; likely not perfection, but man it feels good to be part of success, even if by association.

On a daily basis, may we be free of the “Crab Bucket Syndrome”.

Weather looks like it will be great all weekend. May I be of use to others and enjoy two more walks this weekend in a beautiful park, and hit the odd good shot as a bonus.

Tags: Recovery Life Coaching Addiction Self-esteem Goals

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Where Are We At Today?

 It has been a crazy Thursday from very early in the morning, and tomorrow will be more insane. We call it “Grampy Day”, my annual venture into the world of fun with my two oldest grand kids sans parents or other adults. Golf, fishing and whatever else my little heroes want. I’m excited!! No blog tomorrow!

Daily I sit down and do a journal, well almost daily. It is something that I have done since I rehabbed nearly 14 years ago, and something I do as part of my journey to a life that has been restored.

I started publishing my journal as a blog on the advice of a business coach I work with. It kills two birds with one stone, it keeps me in the now and externalizing things that go through my mind as well, and it lets people who want to know, know who I am.

I’ve had a fair number of comments on various things I’ve posted, am now considered an Expert” in my coaching area by Self_Growth.com and have met some great people. Yes, it has led to some business; we all have to make a living. Funny enough, my paying clients, save and accept for one, are being coached in areas that have nothing to do with addiction directly, and are making good progress; that feels good.

We are going through some interesting times with two of our children. That has certainly caused some roller coaster rides emotionally, particularly when a grand child is involved. While a “BIG” problem today, a year from now it won’t be on the radar screen.

We are in the troughs of getting a new home, a down grade from a financial stand point and it will mean moving to a much smaller community about an hour away. The blessing, our kids are all scattered and our new home town is where our daughter, son-in-law and 2/3 of the grand kids are. The meaning of family seems to deepen with age.

Buying the house, particularly getting “extras” from the builder and at least 3 others representing the builder has been a horror story. If I ever need a lesson in bad communications, they have given it to me. The stress from some of the nonsense has been out of sight!

With the changes that have been happening, and issues that have come up, coupled with a world that is challenged economically and starting a brand new venture from a work stand point, life has been nuts!

I am grateful for the journey that I’m on, and the gifts I have been given. I am grateful for the opportunity to focus my work life on helping others become what they desire to become. I am grateful that despite the nonsense in my past, I speak with my children and grand children, am buying a bungalow, have god health and am blessed with many great people in my life!

As much as possible, I try to live what I coach.

As well, I maintain a large “service” component in my life on a volunteer basis, and keep my vocation separate!

My golf game is in disrepair, and silly as it sounds, that is a reflection of some of the huge environmental issues and “challenges” that have come along in the past 15 months or so. Nice to have a hobby/passion that gives feedback on mental health!! I still love to spoil my walk in the park by golfing.

I am committed to continuing my journey free from addiction and in a mode of continuous improvement. My spiritual life continues to be a major daily focus, and my relationship with me and the higher power within is alive and well. I know I have to take more initiative to build my business, but that is happening and if I preach patience, I must practice it!

If I were giving a report card on “NOW”, I’d give life about 80%. As my teachers use to write, good effort and results, room for improvement!

Funny, with a bit of time in the journey, great support from others, decent self-esteem, and a solid spiritual life, daily living has its ups and downs and I experience highs and lows. My defects of character still impact on me; they are who I am and I appreciate that some of my best qualities get me in to funny places!

I realize every day how human I am and am not up for any awards for perfection.

Keith, it a journey, not a destination, and I trudge on. I am a restoration project, being restored to what I am supposed to be!

Tags: Life Restoration Coach Awakening Addiction Recovery Journey Recovere

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Vision – Got one?

There is a daily blog that I love done by a fellow named Patrick who resides in Michigan. It can be found under “Spiritual River” and is one of the best feeds I’ve been exposed to on the net! I am hoping Patrick and I find a way to work together, I love a lot of his thinking.

Below is a piece of an article Patrick has written. Its keyword-Vision- to me is a self-standing issue and is at the heart of coaching.

“There is a huge movement out there about “living with purpose.” That’s what vision is about. Big meaty goals for your life. When you’re living clean and sober in recovery, having a vision
to aspire to makes it all worthwhile. I’m also convinced that having a vision/goal/purpose is the drive necessary to propel you in the creative life in recovery…..it is not enough to merely want to avoid the misery of addiction.”

I love the phrase Patrick has used, “Big Meaty Goals”. Have you got them for your life? Have I truly got them for mine?

Patrick and I share a passion for recovery and living addiction free. That being said, there is something all should realise, and it’s a lesson my coaching training and life experience have drilled through my head.

Most people have problems in their life. With some it’s addictions, with others relationships, and yet other confidence. Not matter that, most of us have issues that hold back our full enjoyment of life.

Goal setting-big meaty goals- is the backbone of coaching. The fundamentals of a great recovery program are as applicable to the non-addicted as to the addicted. We set goals, look at how to achieve them, get straight with ourselves, and take responsibility for our success. It is a learned skill, and unfortunately or fortunately, some of us have paid a very high price to learn the skills. That price was self-love and all that goes with it.

From a monetary standpoint (not to mention spiritual and emotional) I paid a huge price to join a 12 step club, and paid it over a long period of time. I lacked vision.

Thanks Patrick and Spiritual River for the great thought. I hope those that read this will become a part of your followers!

So here is the challenge, what are we going to do to live with purpose?? Got any “big meaty goals” for you life? Have we got a vision??

Tags: Restoration Life Coach Addiction Recovery Results

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Humor-Age and Wisdom

When doing my journal, I can get very serious. For those that really know me, humor has been a huge part of my recovery and journey, and is evident in most of the places I frequent. My higher power certainly finds ways to make sure I don’t take life too seriously.

This came from a friend, and has an element of the profound!

A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa, taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Jack Russell thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!” says the leopard, "That was close!  That old Jack Russell nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old Jack Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...

"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!  bulls**t and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five "old" friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.  Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more "youthfully challenged." You did notice the size of the print, didn't you?

Tags: Restorationlife Coach Addiction Recovery Awakening Steps

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Easier, Softer Way

This is a phrase used in the bible of the original 12 step organization (known as the Big Book).

As I have traveled the road of life, I often found myself looking for an easier, softer way to get what I wanted.

In school, I dogged assignments and read other peoples notes. I have tried get rich quick schemes only to reinforce what I knew, if it looks too good to be true it likely is.

Conversely, in sports and in my day jobs, I enjoyed the benefits of hard work. In other areas, I certainly took short cuts or made my own rules.

While I openly admit that I am an addicted person who has recovered but is recovering on a daily basis, life and my chosen career point out on a regular basis that the easier, softer way is sought by many.

My experience tells me there are no short cuts, to recovery, or to success in most parts of life. In sports I learned that no pain, no gain. This is my experience in life.

We all need to set goals, and to set a path to achieve them. We all need to love ourselves, let go of our past, and quit trying to live our future. Golfers refer to one shot or one hole at a time; successful people live one day at a time. In common, the successful put in the work. Some can make it look easy, but in reality it is not.

We all need goals, we all need plans to achieve, we all need mentors, and I believe all need faith in the fact that in this world, there is something bigger than them. Most men who try to be an island fail.

I read a lot. My business life and my recovery to a better life put me in contact with a very large circle of diverse people.

I am shocked at how many think there is an easier softer way to success. To the best of my knowledge, there is not. My own boneheaded mistakes keep reminding me of that fact.

I am a strong advocate of 12 step programs. They are free, and provide great group therapy. Personally, in many areas like sports, career, relationships as well as recovery, I have engaged the help of outside professionals. In combination, and realizing my higher power is always there if I stay out of the way, I have been blessed with an abundant life more complete than I could have imagined.

But there was lots of pain to get the gain, and for me, the easier, softer way did not work.

Change, hope and serenity were achieved with guided hard work to bring out the talents within me.

I am on a journey. In ways, life is more difficult today than ever, and daily I am reminded I’m on a journey whose destination is unknown to me. I do know that god gives ability; it is up to me to do the work. I have not found an easier, softer way.

Need help? Reach out and ask and listen to the answers!!

Tags: Restoration Life Coach Recovery Addictionwww.hopeserenity.ca

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Listening-Meditation and Coaching

On a daily basis, I’ve got to remind myself about the importance of meditation. I use very simple meditation practices, but bring my mind in to a place where the squirrels quit running in my head, and I have a chance to hear my higher power’s message.

In doing this, I am honoring the presence of my higher power.

While taking my coaching certification, we were constantly reminded that the key role of a coach is to listen; in fact, in an ideal session the client does 80% of the talking. I have found that there are many out there who do not have someone to talk to and actually listen intently to what they are saying. It is a skill I have really improved on, and it has helped me in every phase of my life! I share the following:
We honor the spirit in other people when we listen to them.

God's messages surround us. The 24 hours before us are special, never to be repeated. The people we share the day with carry our lessons within their words and actions. Let's be vigilant in our attempts to listen.

We have so much to learn, and that's why we're here. Our lives have purpose, even though we might fail to grasp it. Remembering that God is trying to reach us in even the most mundane of circumstances keeps us attentive to everyone in our lives. Our attention to others triggers their lessons too.

The cycle is never-ending. We are not here by accident - we are here by design. The role addiction plays in our lives is part of the design. We can learn our lessons and fulfill our purpose only by acknowledging the spirit, the presence of God, within each person God has ushered to us.

I will pay special attention to the people in my life today. It's a wonderful feeling knowing they are part of God's plan for me.

Tags: Restoration

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Taking Risks- Getting Outside the Box

I’m a real Canadian, and as such, a hockey fan. Wayne Gretzky is a hero.

I was coaching a client this morning who shared a great statement he ascribed to “The Great One”.

“You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

How true is that? What do we miss because fear or a lack of confidence in our own innate abilities holds us back; stop us from taking the shot?

We’ll never score in life if we don’t take a chance.

In my business careers, I talked to staff about sins; sins of commission and sins of omission. I never went nuts at anyone who failed trying (unless they did the same thing repeatedly) but had very little patience for senior level employees who would not try things.

Can you relate?

If you’re risk adverse and afraid to act outside the box, what’s holding you back?

A journey of discovery into you can offer answers!!

If you don’t shoot the puck, you’ll never achieve the goal. Go ahead, take a chance.

Tags: Risk Recovery Life Coaching Addiction Recovery Coach

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The face in the mirror 

I like others, can be sensitive to what others say, and what I perceive they think, about me? Can anyone relate?

I have a very deep faith that the higher power in my life exists within (as well as outside) me. As I go through my journey, and with the beliefs I have, I must be mindful that “the face in the mirror” is the one I have to be comfortable with! To wit:

"Our inability to see beauty doesn't suggest in the slightest that beauty is not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with broad enough perspective to see the beauty." -- Rabbi Harold Kushner

Who are you? You can gaze at your reflection in a mirror but you're not likely to see your true likeness. You are beautiful, unique, perfect. Do you see that?

The world needs you to see how whole and complete you are -- now. Can you begin to own your divinity? The world needs you to know who you really are so you can be the mirror for others.

"I do only want to advise you to keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing." -- John Muir

In working with both my inner self, and with others, I do it on the basis that the higher power I know created us perfect and with purpose. Time and experience has distorted that, but the being I was a birth still dwells within.

The journey is to recognize that in my life, and bring it to the forefront on a daily basis!

In working with others, it is my belief that we all have tremendous ability within, and that with guidance, we can make tremendous change and improvement as we align with life purpose!

Tags: Addictions Recovery Coach Life Coaching Transformation Results Purpo

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