Well here I am on clean day #8, it's truly a miracle, seeings as how the dope man called last night. Today I can be proud of small things, well maybe not so small, at least to a career "loadie" like myself. I said no, in no uncertain terms. The dope man is kind of like junk mail. If by some miracle you manage to get it stopped, all you have to do is make one wrong contact and the next thing you know, the crap is showing up at your door again, like leaves in an Autumn windstorm. At any rate, I'm grateful today, don't know about tomorrow, but then who does.

            &nb sp;               Bob777

Tags: Serene

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Well, I've let myself down again. Today 09-11-07, marks one day clean, I've had so many white key tags, it's rediculous. I thought going to WCNA-32, might re kindle some spark of passion in me about staying clean, working, and living the program. The convention was awesome, San Antonio was beautiful, I met, hugged, shared with, and listened to, many recovering addicts from all over the world. Attended workshops, read at a workshop, attended and shared at marathon meetings, attended speaker meetings. In short I did and saw everything that ime would allow, because as an addict more is never enough. Even stopped in Salt Lake City on the drive from Washington state to San Antonio, for a meeting, ended up chairing that meeting, there were other members there but no one wanted to chair it. Felt like I was in recovery heaven while the convention was going on. Ever since it ended, I've been in a funk mildly comparable to coming down off an opiate run. Yesterday I boarded the opiate express for one more ride down the tracks. The ride wasn't that great, went to my NA homegroup meeting and admitted to using about 5 hours into the ride. Called my sponsor after the meeting, I know the routine,"call before you use". I'm sure that working the steps, praying to my higher power on a daily basis, performing service work, are quite possibly what's missing in my recovery. The problem is I'm busy working a program of procrastination, the lazy mans road to jails, institutions and death. It has been almost two years since I first walked into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous, 6 months is the longest stretch of clean time that I've managed to string together. I only made it to step six, my first time working the steps, I've been setting on the second step for about five months this time. I am meeting with my sponsor tonight after the meeting, for the first time in about three months. Somebody please pray for me, as I seem to be too lazy to do it for myself. Bob777

Tags: Disappointed

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