OK, so my whole life has become recovery...........and while this seems all good and fine, I am lost. I cannnot find where my dilligence is in relation to and between the 3rd-and-11th-steps. I am grateful for NA and do not want to use; I go to meetings, work steps, and talk to my sponsor............

BUT, My life feels like S**T! I used to have a life, and now I do not.........though I know the reverse is actually true, it is just that, when I was using, I had jobs, taught school, had a thriving business, a wife, a home that was paid for, a community I loved, a career I was engaged with, and it all fell away once I decided to find a better life clean, and honor my spiritual-path.

SO, I am grateful, but found myself asking my higer-power to take my life, literally, I do not want to be here any longer, and though I would not take my own life, as I feel it energetically not consistent with my spiritual-path, I just do not feel any passion for anything any longer. My life is meaningless, and has no purpose.........other than to stay clean and sober, which at times seems like it may be enough, and in actuallity, it just is not. I am tired of being money-poor and lonely, and having no direction.

If I could snap my fingers and not be living any longer, I would do it in a heart-beat. I am done.

No jobs can be found, no relationships stick, nothing is worth spending time doing other than recovery, and honestly it is a real drag sometimes, feeling that meetings are the highlight of my day.

I know this is not a new story, and hear it in meetings and have talked to others about this very reality, but I just do not see the point of living any longer, yet my higher-power, clearly states that I am not done, and have work to do. I just wish that it would be revealed to me............and soon!!!

No easy way out...............Stonecarver5

Transitions are tough, and take time ! You seem to be building your day around a meeting, you have a sponsor, are you getting 'active' and sharing a bit ?

Sounds as if Prayer is part of your day! Great !

My sponsor was always encouraging me to 'reach out' to another recovering person. (Literally sometimes)- like being a 'greeter' and saying welcome to people as they arrived-

making sure I thanked the chair person, and speakers-

letting people know when I 'identified' with what they said at meetings.

Picking up the phone every day and calling others " Just to say hi"

Sometimes early on before I could find work ( my head wasn't clear enough for a while) I went to 2 or three meetings a day....

I tried to meet people for "coffee", so I could 'hang out'

Sometimes I was able to give people a ride to meetings...

Ask your sponsor what they 'suggest' too- Nia

My sponsor always says you can't be grateful and hateful at the same time.  Maybe do a gratitude list. 
It saddens me to hear that you are not reaping the benefits of being sober and clean.  I would take stock, and really do some serious soul searching with your HP to find out why you are not Happy, Joyous, & Free.  After all, we did not get sober to be miserable. 
I also agree with Nia about getting out of yourself, and helping another alcoholic/addict, and being active at your homegroup, or doing more service.
I love my women's meeting, and do alot of other social things with the women in my group, so maybe check out a women's AA meeting & get phone numbers.
Hope you will find peace and happiness in your recovery soon.
xo Sunshine

When I get the way you're feeling right now I try to remind myself to be happy that at least I feel something even if it is the lowest of lows. A poem/writing by Rudyard Kipling usually really helps me it's called "If"
and I read it when I need a pick me up. I try to think of those who lead a good but dull life, and then I look at mine and realize how blessed I am to have had the pleasure to meet with failure and success, and then at the end of the day I realize I would never trade all the ups and downs I went through for the dull life I've seen others lead, and I also realize that my life has been a blessing from God. Hang in there, God sometimes takes everything away to show you the strength that's inside of you. I hope this helps I don't want to preach too much, but stick in there and good luck!

    OK, now I'm confused. In one paragraph you had the world by the tail and simply walked, gave or threw it all away to get clean and sober.
    Now you are clean, sober and grateful, but...
    Either I'm dumber than a stump or something is missing here. How everything just disappeared between then and now, just like that? How you used to have a life, now you don't?
    Now that you've followed your path and gotten clean, what next? Rome wasn't built in a day, most of us took our own sweet time getting into recovery and where is it written that we just add boiling water and it's all better?
    It took me 38 of years of drinking to get here. The short time I've been in recovery I've learned that life is one day at a time, clean house, do the footwork and trust God for the rest. But I gotta do the footwork.
    Since your higher-power has decided that you get to stick around for a while and wait for something to be revealed, mayhaps it's time for a little footwork?
Take care,
Dennis 

Thank you all for your replies! Yes Today started out rough, but I made it to a morning meeting, then was asked to chair an evening meeting, and I feel lots better. I was getting some of the program aspects of higher-power, and asking for guidance, confused with making my choices to put one foot infrot of the other.

And it is also one of those things where, many of my dreams did manifest while using.....so I have that situation to cope with as a process of greving the loss of these things.

Now I just need to do as you said Dennis, put one foot in front of the other, and slowly re-build my new life; and no doubt, it will just take time. Many of my former accomplishments were all done while using, so it is strange to think of them in light of being clean. I do need to do more soul-searching, and find what my current passions are, and also be thankful that the primary one is to be clean and to not want to use.

For now what I get clearly from my HP, is that it is time for me to learn that deep and meaningful relationship with myself. I used to take care of the people around me more than myself for way too long, and now I see that my connection to my HP, spiritual-path, and recovery all are the primary focus in life.

It is a process, and I have to know that with 25-years of using behind me, and only in my 8th month of being clean and sober, that I have to employ my patience, and also have faith.

Thanks again for all of you for being here.

-Stonecarver5