ive been cut free for 9 months now...and it feels good. something that has been bothering me tho is... i dont feel free. every day, every hour i think about it. i want it especially when i wear short sleeves or take a bath. its frustrating to feel like your doing all this work in order to stop cutting...and when you finally do for a long time its all you think about. honestly i feel like i am just as addicted to thinking about it and living in it as i am to actually cutting. i don't know how to make the thoughts stop nor do i know why i have them all the time. i mean i realize that i trained my brain to react by cutting for five years but one would think that after 9 flippin months i wouldn't obsess about it so much. idk... any thoughts?

PFK -
     As an alcoholic working the steps, many obsess for long periods over drinking. Quite often (as it was with me) the problem does not lie in the superfical symptoms of the addiction, i.e. drinking, drugs, eating self injury, etc... It is something deeper that caused the obsession in the first place.
     Faithfully and honestly working the steps should lessen or relieve you of the obsession. This is done by examination, acknowledgement and nullification of the root causes. The results and timing works differently for everyone. The only counsel I have is to be patient with and kind to yourself, seriously and diligently work the steps. Take heart in the fact that in spite of thinking about it - you haven't done it.  You've managed to break the link between thought and deed and that is serious, major league, outstanding progress.
     I think about how good a cold beer would taste every now and then - but you know, iced tea is just as good (and I won't die a horrible, lonely death because of it).
Take care and be true to yourself,
Dennis

   Yes obsession is part of the disease- and there are root causes- you will discover some as you do step work; and for me I needed to go on to ACOA for family issues- I don't know if you have any alcoholism around you, but if you remove the alcohol it leaves 'isms' which are the symptoms that get cated out in our lives.
  I had some very distructive and painful things to address- (and still watch and work on daily) my value in the world, my contributions-but it all began with destructive behavior -in my case alcohol was the visible factor. Blessings, Nia

Obsession is deffinatly a problem, whether we are activley using (persay) or we are in active recovery. I don't have nine months free of cutting, but it's still on my mind a lot. A lot of things can be a trigger -- shaving, short sleeves, bandaids, etc. Hell, even seeing a police car/officer or an ambulance can have me all whacked out, considering how many times they had to respond because my self-harm was so bad or out of control.

When I got clean from pills, I had the same situation. Just going to the doctor, pharmacy, grocery store, emergency room, etc would have me obsessing all over again. The best advice I can give is that eventually it will lessen. The urges (if you want to call them that) may always be there, but it may not be in the front of your mind. After a while, it stopped bothering me as much.

I know it's not much help, but hopefully it can give you hope that eventually, with time, the sh*t will get better. *HUGS*

I always the blame the penguins!

haha thanks you guys for all your support and help. ive spoken with my therapist and sponsor about it and i think im going to try antidepressants for a short time. i usually HATE them but they haved worked for me in the past and this depression/obsession needs to be treated on  more than one level.

As an recovering addict I have major self destruct tendencies. I am OK when life is falling in around me , but when things go well I impolde. Now when I get impulses to destroy what I am trying to accomplish I have to step back and tell myself that it is OK and I do desearve good things in my life. A suggestion that I heard in the rooms was to past notes on the mirror in the morning telling myself that I am ok and I do desearve good things, and that it is ok to like myself. (Kind of like little love notes to myself) At first I thought they were kind of silly but they helped me. And talking to my sponcer helped alot. when I wanted to do a major change that was really good for me (Buy something I always wanted) She came with me to remind me that I can be nice to myself. Just remember if we treat ourselves like sh*t, so will every one else treat us like that.

Another thing that really helps me is a gratitude list. Some days I'm only grateful that they are over but on those days I can go back and see that it does get better.

Your in my prayers this week,

Hollie

I like Hollie's idea of counting you blessings.  It's worked for me.

Hey, new here and just trying to catch up.
I have been a cutter for 19+ years, and my last incident was in 2003. Recently some crappy things have happened and have gotten me to thinking about it, ALOT!! Every minute of every day and then some.

It is a coping mechanism. You cut, you forget about all the bad crap going on, all you feel is the pain from the cut. But you learn, eventually, that the rest of it always comes back. The cutting is a side effect, if you will, from whatever is going on that causes you to want to. You will never be free from cutting until you deal with the thoughts that are making you want to do it in the first place.

It is just like being an alcoholic or a drug addict, most (not all) people drink or do drugs to forget the things that hurt them, only to find that they are doing it more often and more often....until it consumes them completely.

I know that this is a battle I can win, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Getting to it, however, is a long fight....

Pray for me!!

cutting is like most other addictions out there, it is an addiction, a need. the need for pain and release. I commend you for being cut-free for 9 months that is awesome.

I cannot offer a lot because I cut too, and I am struggling with it even now.