I had always questioned the concept of God- being very confused as a child by the Bible and Church. My family went mostly on Holidays, and though my Mother read the Bible, somehow I was not included in any of that ... I remember many adult 'discussions' which I was only privy to because I happened to be sitting in the back seat of the car !
I muddled my way through until high school, then- deciding I detested the Episcopalian approach- it felt hypocritical and fake... I slammed the book, the door- and went off into the wilds... Fortunately the wilds were ready for me!
A man of amazing heart and open mindedness, ( A minister no less!)took me under his wing. I believe it was one of my first experiences of unconditional love...He posed questions that I could not help but chew on- and these begat more questions!
A square peg trying to fit into a round hole...No matter, as fast and furious as the questions came, I began to learn 'Instant Gratification' was not everything-that this was a journey and I was on it !
I finally arrived at a place where I could take the time it takes, to throw out every piece of miss-information I had collected and build a foundation of my own.Whew ! what a weekend that was, but I wouldn't trade it for anything-
So, the journey continued- years and years alcohol and drugs muddied the waters, but somehow I finally made it into the rooms...my backpack in so much disarray that once again I had little worth salvaging so it seemed...
I began with much distaste to 'believe' because you believed -I heard that I could look for 'a power greater than myself' - and I used nature...and from there it evolved again- what a miracle that is!
I find myself continually at life's cross roads- but if I honestly work and share my experience, strength and hope- am willing to reach out (with) the hand of AA, the threads of my tapestry continue to unfold, One Day At A Time- Nia
