I thought that I would post what I have found out concerning internet filtering to date in hopes that it might help someone else and perhaps lead to a discussion about what others have used.

For me, good internet filtering is critical to staying on my program. The internet has become my primary source of temptation, so to block it effectively becomes critical for me to staying on the straight and narrow. And the filter has to be more or less foolproof, because if there is any way around the filter then my inner addict seems to take on the task of finding a way around it. All it takes is one weak moment and then my inner addict is off to see how it can get around the filtering. So the only way that I have found to have filtering that is 100% effective is to use an allowed list of web sites (usually called a 'white list'). Most internet filters by default either go by a list of web sites to block (a 'black list') or some filtering of words on a page. Both of those are fallible, as there are so many new porn sites springing up every day that the blocking approach cannot get them all. And filtering by words is not always effective (and may prove to make it difficult if you are sincerely trying to find something on, say, breast cancer). So the only foolproof and managable method that I have found is to use a list of allowed web sites that I can feel confident are safe and that I may need in my work. This works best, of course, when I can limit the web sites that I need to go to a reasonable number. It limits me from just surfing the web as I want, but that is the price that I pay to stay on track. 

So how have I done this in practice? I have not tried all of the filters, but I have found that many of them have only blocked lists and not allowed lists. So that narrows it down. Even then, when a filter can use an allowed list or can use allowed words, then I have to be careful. It depends on how sophisticated the filtering is. For example, if I had google.com on my allowed list, then some filters would allow me to put http://www.playboy.com?p=google.com and the filter would be bypassed (I told you that my inner addict seems to work overtime sometimes to find a loophole). For example, I just tried out a filter called ChildWebGuardian where I could get around the filtering by using the above technique. 

So far, the only filtering software where I can reliably use an allowed list of sites has been CyberPatrol. If I use the allowed list of sites (instead of the allowed keywords feature), then I have not found a way to get around it. It could be more user-friendly, though. There is apparently no built-in way to import or export a list of names. That is a pain, and I live in dread of the time when my hard disk crashes or I have to get a new computer and cannot transfer the list of allowed web sites. Also, the filtering does not allow wildcards. For example, I cannot use *.google.com, I have to say explicitly www.google.com and mail.google.com and so forth. There is probably a technical reason for that, but it makes it more time consuming to put in the URLs. CyberPatrol does also have the nice added ability to block applications. So I know that I can use VMWare or Windows Remote Desktop to run either virtual desktops or log into other Windows machines that then have no filtering on them. So CyberPatrol allows me to block those applications as well while I am using only the allowed list of web sites. 

And what about putting in the allowed URLs? When do I do that since I need to have a password to open up CyberPatrol and do that? Well, my personal system is that I can only use the password when I am in a setting where someone else is around (i.e., someone that I would feel bad about looking at porn around - which is most people). So I have a desktop program that I can start and 15 minutes later it gives me my (very long) password and then I can open up CyberPatrol and add more URLs to the allowed list or take the filter off if someone else is around. So the only discipline that I have to keep to is not starting up the password program unless someone else is around. Alternatively I could have someone else keep my password, but having this program works better for me as I can do it on my own.

So that is the system that I am using and it seems to be working for me. I have tried to take the approach of changing my heart and so forth so that I would not fall into the addictive behavior. That is something that I continually work on. But this very mundane approach of keeping temptation at bay seems to be very necessary for me, as my addiction can creep in unknowingly at a moments notice and then sometimes (all it takes is once for the devastation) I am powerless over the pull. To me, this is part of the Lord's prayer when I pray and ask God to lead me away from temptation. This systems leads me away from temptation and so I am obligated to do this if I am to be sincere in praying the Lord's prayer.

So I would be interested in hearing other peoples comments about this system or if you have another system that works for you.

Personally i avoid negative sources, Sources , Places and things.

I have taught my self to accept the world around me, and to stop fighting, my thoughts are are always there with me, it's my thinking that starts the stinkin thinkin'.

When I remove fear , then I remove need.

I needed to look at not the issues that cause me to be in a bad spot, but the things that have caused me to have fear and needs in the first place. This gave me great freedon, and freedom provides no needs.

Have you read "Out Of The Shadows" by Patrick Carnes ph.d?

You may find it valuable to understand your addiction and the cycles we allow ourselves to get into.

Have a beautiful day, and remember "that what you resist, persists" !

Thanks for the info... I now when I get the weak feeling in me it's time to change the way I think.. Usually what I do is pick up the phone and let some one now whats going inside of me. I'm tired of being sick in tired and making excuses for a relapse. Bottom line Im powerless over allot of things, knowing that Im responsible not for my first thought but for my second action.

Joel G

My husband asked me to put in a program for him to block the porn.  However I don't think he was ready b/c he kept getting upset with me when it didn't allow other websites that really weren't porn.  He has not agreed to another filter, but I'd like to see one on there.  I know this has to be his decison, though!

 What programs can you suggest?  We didn't like net nanny!

Hi Ambers_wife -

The  only filtering program that I have much experience with is CyberPatrol. It served my needs pretty well. It had an "Allowed" list as well as a denied list. In that way, the administrator can put in the sites that are allowed. I think that you can also add allowed sites on an over-ride basis. In other words, there is the "Denied" list that is maintained and periodically updated by CyberPatrol (although it is never perfect, as they always miss some). Then you can add an override for either more denied sites and also allowed sites as an over-ride. So you could add these allowed sites as an over-ride so that he could go to the sites that he needed to. 

It is a tricky slope, though. For example, with Yahoo there are some areas that are fine and some that are not. So you have to put in paths that are denied and some that are not. The bottom line is that I think that your husband will have to give up some of his freedom on the internet, at least for a period, in order to find true freedom in his heart. In other words, he may not be able to get to all of the sites that he would like to for some period. If he needs to get some sites for his work (I know that dilemma, as I develop web sites for a living), then the CyberPatrol approach will work. It is not painless - there is some discipline and time loss required in maintaining it, but for me that was the price of true freedom. 

That's my 2 cents.

As a further update, I have now switched to the Mac (OS X 10.5 ). It has very good filtering controls on it (Parental Controls on the System Preferences dialog). It has some intelligence built in such that it will allow me to go to certain web sites if they seem OK, but then it will block certain pages on the web site if there seems to be a problem with the page. For example, I can do a search on Google images and if an image comes up that it deems bad, then it will block the page. Also, it won't,for example, let  me take the Strict SafeSearch off of my Google search. That is good. 

As with most filters, though, it doesn't work perfectly. But it is a pretty good safety net for those times that I feel weak. Of course the effectiveness of all of the filtering assumes that I won't bypass it with the admin password. In that case, I have a long password for the admin that I use. I actually have a program that delays the output of the password, so that I can start it up and 45 minutes later it spits it out. That is the 45 minutes that hopefully will give me time for sanity if I am in lustful mode or if it is a legitimate need then it teaches me patience and reinforces my need to do better in the future. 

So overall, I would recommend the Mac above any PC filter for anyone who might want to go that route.     

Another update about filtering...

The Parental Control filter on the Mac is pretty good, but for some reason it would not block Microsoft's live.com site, even when I put it into the list of sites to block. 

So in searching through ways to get around this, I came across a service called OpenDNS (at OpenDNS.com). It is pretty cool, really. It is free, and the setup is easy for anyone with DSL or cable or who has a DNS server for their internet connection. All you have to do is change the DNS addresses that your internet connection uses, and there are simple explanations on the web site how to do that. So by routing your internet calls through them, they perform the filtering. You can select the categories that you want to block and they also allow you to pick which particular allowed or blocked lists that you want. That solved the problem, in my case, that I can now block the live.com site. I have just had it today, but it seems to work great. I can't notice any slowdown in the service. In case someone is wondering, their business model is that they serve up ads on the page whenever something is blocked. That suits me just  fine. I am thankful that they were smart enough to figure out how to provide such a great service for free (kind of like the smartness that has allowed Google to be so successful - but that begins to diverge). 

Anyway, I wanted to pass this info along for anyone that might be interested in free and robust filtering. It should work with Macs, Windows PCs, and Linux, also. A cool deal. 

One that I used for internet filtering and have found successful is Safe Eyes. It is available for 15 days as a free trial but costs around $50/yr thereafter. But ones sobriety does not come with a price tag. I just tend to think of the cost my addiction was having on me and my family and then money isn't an issue.