The House of Sand and Fog

I use to love to draw and paint now I'm just lost in my own thoughts.

I'm trying... I'm waiting... I'm lost...
I had 18 years sober until the divorce, then I got really stupid, and became involved with a violent man. On 06/15/08 he set me on fire, I was trying to get out. He was aquitted in January 2009. I couldn't quit drinking after the trial, I didn't know how to heal from such a traumatic event, I still don't. I drank until June 10, 2009, tried quiting since March 27, 2009, but had to keep picking up desire chips every two weeks. I didn't want to loose everything I had worked so hard for the last 18 years. To date 09/21/09 I have 103 days sober, working the steps but utterly miserable. I have a great job, great kids, nice house that I pay for by myself and with all the blessings I still don't want to be here, by that I mean at this place and time in my life.