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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 posts
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POSTED BY: greenfisheyes on Jan 7, 2009
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learning to change EVERYTHING
at first i assumed that meth was what took me down, but with almost 17 months clean & in the middle of my 4th step im realizing that it (meth) only played a part in the puzzle of my self destruction. as i reflect back i now see that from a young age i was an extremest in EVERYTHING i did. when i started drinking, i drank til i puked, when i failed classes, i failed em' all, when i started having sex , i couldnt get enough, when i started wearing makeup, i always wore too much, when i started getting in trouble with the law it wasnt enough until i ended up in prison, the men in my life never had enough money no matter how much they made, when i started doing meth , smoking wasnt enough so i had to start shouting it, NOTHING WAS EVER ENOUGH,EVER!!!now it seems like i cant get enough recovery, am i addicted?
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never regret or resent yesterday, all we have is TODAY !!!
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POSTED BY: spoonyboy on Jan 28, 2009
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reply
i dont know what program you attend so in no way am i trying to offend you. my solution was in the big book of alcoholics anonymous, so that is what im going to talk about ok? the book says that the main problem in the alcoholic centers in his (her) mind. what that tells me is that that alcohol and drugs were NEVER my problem, they were solutions to my problem. my problem is, and allways has been, ME. therefore when the solutions (alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever) are taken away, im still a sick lil puppy. It also says that i suffer from a spirtitual malady, and once that get straitened out, the physical and mental will follow. The ONLY promblem is that i have spent years filling myself up with things that effectivly block me from God....resentment, fear, anger. lucky for us the steps are here to remove those things and make way for the sunlight of the Spirit. this is my oppinion only and again i dont wish to offened ANYONE but 17 months is a looooooooooooooong time to go withiut that 4th step. there is alot of freedom to be had in the whole process. despite myself, my problems have been removed by the steps, God, and a.a. God bless you. try it!
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if nothing changes......nothing changes!
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POSTED BY: Controlmb on Feb 19, 2009
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learning to change EVERYTHING
Spoonyboy said it well and i'm one of the ones who havn't worked a step or sit down with a sponser and worked the steps. So I need to get to a meeting find a sponser and get back into the groove of things. Boy ow boy well spoken soonyboy Thanks Mirrnada
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"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles."
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POSTED BY: Someserenity on May 2, 2009
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It's not even me thats the problem...
It's my thinking that is the problem. I get so attached to the past... And for such a small amoutn of time I try to think aobut the present and than i start to go about the past again, and than i start to obsess and i start to say okay now i have to forget the past and just cut it off. Well guess what, haha, the cycle reverses, now i start thinking about the future. Oh crap i cant... Wait that son of a gun... Oh no, my crystal ball... OMG OM GOMG.....
I, Am not my experience. When I obsess about that experience, i form a perception, but is my perception a reality? When I form my perception, i than form a memory...
At that point, with multiple addictions, that 4th step has helped me tremedounsly, but I am also scared about my sex addiction... very scared, i am scared about my codependency issues... So i need to pray about it so much, because I am very desperate, and I do not want to relapse on drugs again, because thats where it all leads back too.... Sex, codependency, food... Are all gateways if left untreated back to me for drugs and death... Death is a strong word, but it is inevitable.
Today pain is inevitable but suffering is optional...
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hey im back
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