Well,  I did know what I was going to say?  I remember chairing a mtg.  and expressing myself to some newbe's in the mtg.

"I remember being told I had to go to outpatient rehab, drug of choice being precsription drugs and marijuna.  I paced myself thru the days prior to checking in,  all the way up to the night before, I smoked my last bowl of weed,  took the last 3 of my pills.  Then the next day I went to ck in.  I denied having a problem,  I denied needing any of their business.   Going thru all their "crap"  them trying to make me talk.  Going to these "bullsh*t mtgs having a slip signed. "  "Then 3 monthes later "it"  happened  I woke up it was a saturday  and the urge, the need, to smoke a bowl, to take some downers was so overwhelming, my body shook,  my mind was under some other control, it was difficult to even remember how to take a shower".  (come on a shower).  I thought of all the ways I could get some pills, "the emergencie room"  thinking of all the people I knew I could get some weed from,  shaking to get my key in the lock of my car door,  I started driving  I made it to the Alano Club,  I knew someone their would put some pills or weed into my hands,  I waited in one of the mtg rooms.  A women walked in with no teeth,  getting ready to chair, and she knew, she saw or regonized the look and just started the prayers.  It was just her and I she left and came back with two other women and they just started talking as if I wasn't there, then one asked me if I would like to share,  and all that came out was tears and me saying "I just want to use".  The need was eating at my brain, my body, the need to have it right now, made me scared, and for the first time I was only thinking of myself the need how I could fullfill it and comfort my need.  From 8:00 am till 9:00 pm I was at the Club, mtg after mtg.  and no one their gave me the road to relapse.  just the path to the next mtg.  I was exhausted,  and just as the urge came, it was gone."  No more denial, the shakes were gone, the faces came and went.  And I was able to walk to my car and go home."  I remember telling the newbies that this day will come for them too,  could be tommorrow,  10 days from now, could be longer but it will come,  and they need to get to a mtg hall, call their sponsor, no matter what.

My sister did not understand the addiction, I told her to quite eating her chocolate that she hid thru out her house.  For one week,  just o ne week.  And she tryed it,  called me the following week and said she couldn't do it.  And she understood what I meant.  Another asked me about it from work,  he was a excercise freak,  I told him to give it up for one week,  He argued "but that it was a healthy thing he was doing.  2 hrs a nite you excercise, you plan your trips around the certain hotels that have excercise rooms,  you plan around your other commitments to excercising.  I used to plan my daily activities around my smokn' dope, and my pills.  I took that time away from my family, my kids, the same as you are.  What really is the difference?   He just said "huh".  I do understand all our addictions are different, I do understand that our will powers are all for different reasons. (wow, I just answered my own question that I've been asking).  And now I understand that all our reasons for really wanting to quit are different too."huh"  how bout' that.  darn hit me with a 2x4 !! O.K. please don't,  Happy New Year,  everyone!  Luv ya  OOO's

     Your sister must be quite a person - like my wife. The answer I usually get is "Huh"? Mainstream society's views of me are such that my addiction makes me a bad person. - not a sick one. That is instilled in our views from day one.

     Ask most "normal" people to picture a drunk - Bum on a street corner, discheveld and dirty - probably homeless because he never bothered to get an education or better himself. Picture an addict - in an alley with a needle, probably has a gun so he can get more drugs. Stereotypes.

     Don't get me wrong, there are many that do not understand why I do things but they care and understand that I am making every possible effort to better myself. And are willing to meet me halfway.

    It is just seems at times few and far between. On the bright side, I am not doing this for them - I am doing this for me. Mayhaps someday they will need the very same help I needed.  And I'll be there to greet them.

Its is comical to me,  we watch the commercials on t.v.  "this is your brain" "this is your brain on drugs".  or the most recent ones,  That unfortunately is usally the extent of the "normies"  education on any addiction.   Oh, some watch talk shows,  and that extends the education to lets say "1st" grade.   But,  we (society)  won't learn it all from just the commercial,  or the next one, or even a different one,  they won't learn it all from a talk show.   Generations after generations  it was taught.  Rather it  is abuse, or being racial, or Bikers are bad they do drugs, and steal, and kill.  Alcoholism, abuse, and being racial was taught to me from the time I was born,  but, I never remember any commercials about stopping it.  I remember commercials that promoted it.  From cigerates to alcohol, (Bewitched show)  Darin always had a drink ready for him when he got home from work !!! I  ventured out and educated myself, (when I was old enough).  If all of these things are evil why did God put them here?  I went to many,many different churches, partook in many different religous gathers,  I'm 48  and I still don't have an answer.  Like my Cancer, people that were normally always around me,  stopped being around me,  Why?   FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN !!  They aren't educated enough they don't know enough,  and fear of not knowing scares the hell out of people.  So, the way we addicts "used" to be,  may not be the way we are "now"  but the ones around us don't know, not sure, maybe they tend to fall back on their old reacations.  Thats why there is Alanon (I suppose)  to educate them.  I never hid my trouble with the drugs (pills) (marijuna) from anyone when I was going thru rehab.  I talked about it all the time, (once out of denial).  Who else is going to educate them.  And I learned from it too!  By hearing something out loud.  Just like going to mtg.s   O.K.  here's one for you,  I'm bald walking, shopping in the Mall it was always the (older men) that would stare.  And sometimes you could just tell what they were thinking,  "trying to make a statement",  these darn hippes are shaving their heads now"  "What are they protesting now".  The Younger never paid no attention, Unless the Parent pointed it out.  So, non chatlantly I would smile and point at my head and say "its from the cancer" or "its from the Kemo".  But, was that right or wrong,?  I don't know but now (I'm hoping) that when they walk by and see anyone bald they will remember and won't "think" their old thoughts. !!!!   Sorry,  all done babling, I do have a tendancy to carry on. But maybe thats why we are here to educate?

I was married for 16 years. Both my husband and I drank. Our whole marriage was about drinking while we went boating, football games, had parties, our whole neighborhood drank. But, as time went on; I was getting unhappy within the marriage, the daughter was getting older and things needed to change.  My husband thought I was the problem.  I went to therapy, but he wouldn't go. I tried, but he didn't, so I drank more.  Then, it really became a problem and then divorce entered the picture. He couldn't understand that I needed support from him. He thought I could just "stop" drinking and he could have his few. He wouldn't go to AA because I was the one with the problem.

Now that we are divorced he still can't understand why I did things the way I did them. Why I thought and said the things that I did. He doesn't think he's an alcoholic, but that's ok, I'm sober.  I do talk to friends and it's hard explaining my mental outlook on things so I end up talking to my sponsor who totally understands me.

I don't know if I'm making sense. But, it is hard getting someone that isn't an alcoholic to understand our way of thinking, our actions, our thoughts.  That's why we have AA and now this site which has been awesome to have.  People can relate.

I hate this disease, but I understand things that others don't. I understand my precious relationship with God. I can't pick up or it's all over for me, so life is precious. I want to show my daughter that it can be done and I thank God she doesn't drink.

I'm living One Day at a Time. God Bless to All.

Tina

HHHHMMMMM.  I am trying to figure why you would expect them to understand? I think we all have a CROSS to bear,  yes?  I really can't understand what a cancer patient goes through nor do I  understand shopping addiction. Yet they happen to good people and each person goes through their own hell.  I don't want to make someone see or feel the way I do.  I do not need their empathy.  I have to go through my transformation.   It is funny but I find myself feeling a bit ego driven, "superior" if you will, because I have crossed through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and man I feel strong.  I understand now... I get it.  But I am in no position to preach it, are you?

So, to make another understand...one  whom does not bear the same cross as I? I do not feel I am in any position to impose that on anyone.  The stigma is what it is.  It is media driven (what movie does not have someone relaxing with wine or out drinking?)  and corporate driven for that matter.  I don't want to go on a tangent but I think if many examined their drinking habits it would make them uncomfortable. But again, whom am i to judge?

Step back from your addiction for a moment.  Just a moment, Dennis, close your eyes , breathe and then open your eyes.  It is the same world, the same space and yet its different isn't it?  Try to understand them .  You have come through the shadow, my man.  You are no longer in the position to be extraordinary.  That was stripped from you when you gave your life over, when You gave up your addiction.  You are naked and beautiful and loving and there is only one way anyone will understand you....It is through love and service.  It is on that plate that the "norms" will feed and perhaps digest and see.  Who knows?

 I hope I made sense.

Thanks for letting me share...

My name is Lisa and I'm an alcoholic... 

     I found out the hard way I have no strength on my own, mine now comes from God. Part of my program is to bring others to the realization that this program can help them - newcomers, if I may. The other part is when asked by friends or family (drunk or normies, mine or others), to explain why I do what I do - then and now. WTH, I don't drink now - why do I go to meetings and spend time here? I quit right? I don't need this any more?  I can't explain this the same way we talk around the tables or here - it probably would shock some senseless. It has to be coached in terms that "normies" can understand - which limits what I say and how I say it. How do you explain to a teenager that drinking may not kill them now (if they are real lucky), but it sure will eventually.

     I am an alcoholic (drunks don't go to meetings), and according to the dictionary this is what that means:

 al·co·hol·ism (lk-hô-lzm, -h-)

wow alot to say lovelife good words.

i went through addiction and now recovery with my wife. i was told while in rehab that most relationships don't survive recovery. they said i'll find out that my wife really doesn't know who i am anymore. and that was true to a certain point. she was kinda lost when i got home. she wanted to have her nights out and go to the bar with her freinds. she still wanted to hang out with the same people i bought dope from. and one night we sat down and had a discussion. she had her bags packed and was all but out the door ( after 7 years of marriage). after everything i put her through she was gonna leave me because i was clean and sober ( oh how cunning, baffeling and powerful this desiese is).anyways i told her that i loved her very, very much and i didn't want to lose her. but i couldn't go back to the way i was, and if she thought long and hard she didn't want that billy either. i told her i couldn't be there when she got home smelling like liquor or pot, or running around the room all tweeked out talking a mile a minute about nothing. at that time i didn't know why i couldn't do it i just know that thats what those whom had been sober for awhile told and i was willing to do whatever they said.( later i realised i would have become jealous and resentful to her because i couldn't use and would have proubably used in spite.) after a long talk she decided to stay and give it a shot. it wasnt easy shy used to drop me off at meeting and then come back and pick me up. then after a few weeks she started coming in, she started to see and hear and like the change that was happening in me,so she started attending meetings allways announcing" hello i'm becky and he's an addict (pointing at me). but that was ok she was there and thats all that mattered. eventually after a couple more relapses. she started announcing in meetings i'm becky and i'm an addict. that was three and a half years ago. it was nothing i did or said that brought her to that point. there was only two things that got her there that was God and her open-minded willingness.

And i think for alot of us you've got to be at that "jumping off point" or as they use to say in the old meetings "in the cup" before your ready for that. the young teenager is still having fun with it. they possibly haven't and may never develope the habit that we have. so they not going to uderstand. and may in fact grow resentful towards us for preaching at them. when we carry this message its to other alcoholics and addicts. people who are where we once were. they understand completely what we're talking about.

normies are never gonna understand us. all i ever got when trying to explain myself to them was frustration and resentment. and for what what was i trying to accomplish anyways. this is my deseise not theirs. there is always gonna be some stuation or another where a drink gets offered, or someone offers to smoke a joint with ya.the problem doesn't lye with them offering the problem lies within me. because i am an alcoholic and an addict and theres nothing i wouldn't give to be able to drink and use the way normies do. the big book says without impunity. i say without all the bullcrap that goes along with my using.

anyways i want to finish with a joke. Whats the difference between an addict and a normie.

a normie finds a rolled up twenty on the ground and starts looking for more money

an addict finds a rolled up twenty on the ground and starts to knock on doors to see who's holdin.

if ya laughed at that you should't have any problems with normies. we're all perhaps spiritually sick and selfish by nature anyways . love on em and pray for em as ya would anyone else.

love ya guys biggs

 Thanx Biggs -

     A marriage that survives this disease the way yours did can only grow stronger and closer. And that is fantastic.

     You all have given me a lot of grain to grind in the mill. I guess it is being left handed in a right handed world. Some "things" will never fit quite right. The good part is I don't miss any of "those" things.

     One of the common threads I now see in life is that when I was actively pursuing my poision of choice, nobody understood me (because I was a drunk). Now that I am proactively not doing so, I find that people (normies) still don't understand me (because I am an alcoholic). My wife (normie) tries but the connection just isn't there. Others have the idea that it is a temporary abberation, like "going on the wagon" or a new years resolution. Give me a friggin break...

     It is like when I see somone (then and now) have a glass of wine, get a refill and then stop halfway through. They say "i've had enough, I can start to feel it"! EXCUSE ME? - wasn't that the purpose in the first place? My wife says no, but she's wrong. I never drank to be sociable. I did it to "feel it".

     I learned the hard way that I can never pick up another drink again and expect to live. This disease will kill me, sure as someone driving a stake through my heart. So off I go. And someone says "One surely won't hurt?". How come they don't ask someone with diabetes if one double dip ice cream cone would hurt? Or someone on oxygen if they want a cigarette?

     The lack of understanding regarding addiction is amazing. I will fully admit I was not well educated about this disease until after I got sober. But for some reason, even now - telling someone the facts about addiction just doesn't register unless they are part of the "in" crowd. It is like war or might be like having a baby (not been there). You gotta be there, do that and get the T shirt.

     I guess the bottom line for me is to accept the fact that others will always have problems comprehending what I did and what I do now and especially why. Not complaining here, just looking for better words to use. Has anyone else come up with layman's terms to explain to the uninformed about addictive personalities that makes sense to them???