Hi Jodi;

I don't know if I would consider it to be an addiction, but many ppl I have known have real fears of abandonment...The saying goes, "whenever (one of us) lets something go, it's always got claw marks all over it."  ;o)

Not really deep, I know, but it helps to know you're not the only one. I was also trained as a child that a female was NOT complete w/o a man, which increased the feeling of needing to HOLD ON to whomever I got ahold of.... Thank God it's not like that now. 

In the recovery rooms I hang out in, they say we don't get into relationships, we take hostages.

I know *I* have qualified for that one.

blessings

abbie 

This is a very interesting topic for me; I never considered these were related.  I am an adoptee that has met birth family at 21, both mother and father and 4 half sisters.  As much as I wished we could have ended up on "Oprah", oh- happy family reunited, it was actually 10 year relationship with her guilt and cruelty, our inablility to make up for a lost mother-daughter relationship and 2 different experiences when (again) she decided to exit my life.  Then 6 months later came back "If there is anything I've ever done to hurt you, I'm sorry....".  We no longer have a relationship. 

I've had co-dependant issues with both my 1st & 2nd (current) husbands, giving away my "self" and taking on caretaker roles to both.  I'm a prosfessional, successful, 40-something woman.  I still haven't completely come to terms with my life.

We, as adoptees, have to realize that we were supposed to "fix" the pain and guilt of adoption.  The "loss" of the child your adoptive parents were not able to have.  We were supposed to "replace" them...  The guilt of the birthmother for the child they "had" and the fantasy they made up in their mind of that child.  Reality is the adult they met, wasn't what they imagined.  We, as adoptees, were to fix this pain.  And, of course, we cannot.  So we feel inferior.  There must be something wrong with me...  This is at the root of our pain.

Have you ever watched a TV show where the mother leaves the child and broken out in gut renching tears for no reason?  This has happened all my life and thought everyone else reacted this way... I realized not everyone does.  There are things that are too deep to recognize on an adult level that we react to subconcienciously.  Co-dependance happens as a result of us controlling those who could leave us. 

My given name is "kimberly".  I found out the name I was given at birth was "robbie lyn".  Now, you can call me, Kimberlyn.  I'm trying to become "me".

i'm commenting because i have a spouse, an adoptee, in rehab. Abandonment issues? You bet. i'm here as an acoa and cigarette junkie. But while all the other babies were relaxing, getting ready to be born, you and all the little babies like you were already dealing with the issues of finding another mommy, another family. That can lead to addiciton, not trusting women, stress, you name it. and you need a hug. you've been through a lot, be proud of who you are.  

My belief system, education, and experience have led me to believe addiction is genetic, influenced by enviromental factors, but not brought on by childhood experiences.  Others have traumatic childhood experiences and do not gravitate to active addiction.  They may have other personality disorders but addiction would not be one of them due to childhood trauma without the genetic predisposition.
A small window into my views can be see on my profile in the seminar, The Foundation part 1/2.
Vince

I absolutely believe that being adopted can lead to a person being codependent as all hell. I believe it because I live it. I was adopted and all of my relationships have been codependent. My two long term relationships were long, drawn out, codependent, and unhealthy as hell. Now that I am a Recovering Alcoholic, I am growing much better equipped to deal with my codependency issues. You were basically abandoned at birth, and that can lead to a life time of using others attachment to you, whether healthy or not, as the very air you breathe. My all time favorite book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a good book to read on that sort of thing. I also own several adoption books and you can get back to me if you're interested. God bless

-Jessie