Well, there you are.  I'm feeling depressed too and I log on and there is your forum message just staring me in the face.

I think mine is a wake up call.  Too much stress going on and not giving myself a chance.  Running away from pain into work instead of believing that there are people out there who can help.  Trying to do too much in my own strength instead of submitting to my higher power. And last but not least my subconscious throwing it's rattle out of the pram because I am about to do a bit of step four delving into the depths.

I guess the occasional bout of depression is par for the course for us addicts.

But one thing I know and have learned about depression is.  It is not about the circumstances and changing things won't help.  Things just look a lot worse when you have the dark glasses on.  If you think about it, nothing has changed but yourself.  It's just harder to cope with when there is a dark cloud hanging over you (that is happening pretty literally here in the UK too).

So, like the program says all you can do is be gentle with yourself and get alongside people who understand what it is and won't interrogate you or tell you what to do.  This too will pass. Cara

THNKS FOR UR REPLY.I KNOW DEPRESSION IS THE SYSTEM OF OUR DISEASE.SOME PPL CAN DEAL WITH,WHILE OTHERS NEED MEDS.I STILL GET ANGRY,THT'S NATURAL,IT'S HOW WE HANDLE IT THT MAKES OR BREAKS US.AGAIN THNKS FOR READING,IT'S MUCH APPRECIATED.IF YOU WANNA WRITE HERE'S MY EMAIL:BIGEDWITHLOVE@AOL.COM.LOVE BIG ED.  

 I've heard a few descriptions of depression that made sense to me, anger turned inward.

Self attacking self is another.

Thats why there is no self defense against it, people who practice depression self management limp through life on broken crutches. And I see they go slowly cookoo .

My depression was just me trying to run my life , it doesn't work and I'd become depressed. I worked the steps and haven't had those symptoms for over 6 yrs now but I remember well.

What I learned in the steps was how fundamentally dishonest I was to myself, I didn't know if I was telling myself the truth or lying to me, I couldn't differentiate truth from false. It only makes sense that a mind that is lying to itself will suffer and depression might be the least of it.

When I found my truth I stuck to it and the dpression went away, I had been depressed all my life so it was difficult to define it, I thought everyone felt that way. My shrink said I had failed puberty and thats why I was childish in my thinking, that makes sense. I started to grow up when I got right with God. I was just a scared little brat of a boy inside a mans body, running from the world. Afraid of everything and everyone, afraid to show I was scared.

So what was the lie? I subconsciously thought I was God, or more accurately , my ego thinks it is God.  And ego operates from behind the curtain of the subconscious mind, it can observe everything we think and exert control, but it can hide itself and its motives very well. An addicted ego is a very very deadly thing. My ego doesn't really want me drunk or stoned, it wants me dead because it is insane.

As I said, depression is the least of it. That was just the thin end of the wedge which I couldn't see coming anyway. When the trains hits, its not the caboose that kills .

D.-on't E.-ven N.-otice I.- A.-m L.-ying