I've been with this guy for 2 years 1 month.  For almost 2 years we've been through all kinds of smokin, dealing, gambling, and living on the streets.  But then this past Nov.  I had my son and I'm almost finish with my treatment.  He is also court ordered to do it, but I'm not too sure if he wants to.

But the thing is that I dont really wanna be in this relationship.  But its so hard to leave.  I don't know, it's like I just need to have him with me.  Its not like he does anything to take care of me, I'm taking care of him.

This one girl I go to treatment with, she suggested that I should let him start and finish his treatment and give him a second chance.  But I just dont know.

Any suggestions...words of wisdom?

Hiya Empress -

Guess what??  The farther you get into recovery and you see how well you can do on your own because you are clean, you will not want this dude around any more.  You are going to love being your own person and standing on your own two feet and taking care of that baby AND yourself.  You are going to gain a sense of strength and independence that you didn't even know you had in you.  It is there and it will start to make it's appearance - the fact that you are questioning this relationship right now is proof - spend less time with him and focus on your total recovery.  It will be easier to break it off.  Hope this helps a bit!!  Aloha!

I couldn't have said it any better than daddysgirl.  I totally agree with her:)

I wish you the best. It will all work out for the best.

YOU FOCUS ON YOU and YOUR BABY!

Wow, i wish my sister (really close friend) would realize HER boyfriend is crap.. I AGREE COMPLETELY with the last two. You cant move on until you let go..If your fear is of your child not having a father figure, go find yourself a better man. I'm sure you can do better whether its a true thought that you belive or not. So yeah, i wish u the best of luck with everything!! God bless

            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                        Lots of love--Nayla

Hi Empress,

            &nb sp; I'm not sure if they're words of wisdom but they are words. Anyway, sounds to me like you're just a little afraid of being alone, I went through that too, just a little co-dependant, you dont count on him for much other than just being around. It also sounds like you realize it and want to do something about it. Co-dependance is just another addiction, apply what you've learned in your program to your, "relationship". You've already taken the first step, even if you don't realize it. I've been through a similar experience, thats what was suggested to me. I hope this helps.                                                                                                                                        My name is Paul and I'm a LIZaholic

Hey Empress; I'm not about to tell you that it will be easy w/o him around. single parenting is HARD WORK! But you know that already, huh? Seems to me that if you are not "with" him right now, that you ARE taking care of you & that baby, and apparently not doing TOO badly at it! If nothing else, you can always tell him that your counselors or Sponsor---you DO have one right? ;o)---said to hang by yourself for 6 months to a year. I have had those stupid relationships plenty, and it will be easier to break it off now than when you  2 are re-tangled up. AND, bottom line is, if he's not SURE that he is ready to get clean, you are taking a HUGE risk of him messing up YOUR recovery, which will of course mess up your BABY. 

I had someone living with me for a bit earlier on, and then came home to find beer in the fridge and a drunk in my bed!! I couldn't believe it. Called my Sponsor & offered to call  them a CAB. To me, if someone is going to mess with my recovery, they are disrespecting ME, AND they are SO putting my child in jeopardy. I have found that I can stand up for my child in HUGE ways that I would not have if it were just me. The babies motivate you to do what you HAVE to, not just what you want to.

Keep talking to WINNERS, and to GOD.

abbie