I absolutely agree with Phyllis, you can find the people who can help you in the fellowship-those who are sincere in their desire to stay clean and be in recovery. I also just need to say, as one of those addicts really freaked out by the "god" word, religion is not a requirement. And all the people in 12-Step fellowships do not become christians. That misunderstanding keeps alot of folks away. I am a devoted agnostic and sit in the rooms with those who embrace all forms of spirituality-including atheism. It's a spiritual, not religious program and we are free to come to our own understanding of a higher power.

 Hugs,

FreeBee

Thanki guys for all the great advise, Phyllis - I really appreciate your advise and your right which I knew before you even said it, I even knew the answer as I was writing my post to begin with but I just need others to tell me.  It's so scary thinking about telling the truth, my mom is a very strong-willed, verbally abusive woman.  Also I keep in mind all the time she has permanent guardianship of my daughter so everything I say or tell her that's in the back of my mind.  And you know we just started talking again - basically since my son was born in Sept - but on the last phone conversation she even brought up looking into Hailey, my daughter, coming home and she was like you and Mark think about everything, money, the room, and stuff.  I know it's not gonna happen right now but I'm so close and everything is going so good right now, I'm clean I feel great (finally) but I'm sorry I know the right thing to do but the consequences would be monstrous.  I'm not saying I'm not going to tell her I've had a few slips here and there but for now its not time.

I want to go to meetings and I'm going to start, I promise - I go to a meeting on Wednesdays (just a recovery group not NA) but once a week is not enough I know that so now its all on IF I go -

Monica

 Today's a great day to start.

Hugs,

FreeBee

"So I'm clean and I'm lying - what do I do????"

If you were clean but not recovered and not lying?

 you'd still be lying, you just wouldn't realize it.

It was the lies I told myself, the ones I couldn't see that always led me backwards. The steps showed me how, where and why I was lying and removed the self that was causing it, the problem was removed.

Only God can do that.