How did you get to the point that you really didn't want to do it anymore?

I mean I whole heartedly mean it when I say it but the next day the enthusiasm is gone and the self doubt creeps in. Does that make sense?

I have tried quitting at least four times. I did it for about a year and a half when I was pregnant and then breast feeding but my daughter was a terrible sleeper and I was exhusted. So when I stopped breast feeding I thought a little wouldn't hurt and that I would be able to control it.

Yeah well.............. 

Thanks RayRay, but I keep slipping back into the old habit. So I'm back at step one too.

Goodluck and thanks so very much for the support. I have kept this to myself (other than my husband I mean) until now. I'm glad there is another mum out there

I heard that I could "stop using, lose the desire to use, and find a new way of life".  And it is absolutely true.  And it can work for absolutely anyone.  I have not a single doubt in my heart, because I am clean today.  I remember thinking that I could not stop using again.  That I could not get a day clean again.  That I was hopeless.

But others that were clean believed in me when I was incapable of believing in myself.  They loved me when I could not stand to be in my own skin and felt overwhelming shame and guilt.  They hugged me when I was appalled by who I thought I was.

I first had to stop using.  I had to make any and every possible meeting that I could attend.  I had to tell people that I wanted to use, and then NOT use.  I had to use the dreaded phone and call people I thought I was bothering by my call.   I had to pray even though I didn't know if I was just talking to air.  I had to put on my seatbelt and do anything anything not to use.  And it happened, one day at a time.  I did lose the desire to use, and realized that is different from having thoughtsof using.  I lost the desire when I did find a new way of life.  I found dreams awaken that I had buried long ago, and new ones I never thought possible.  I found I was not hopeless.  And that I wasn't the aweful monster I thought I was that would run people out of the room I was standing in.  I learned to like myself, and one day to even love the guy in the mirror.  I found a Higher Power in the people that were clean, doing what I could not do.  I found hope.  And I found freedom.

well said jsolathe i myself only became sober  just under 6 months ago and the most difficult part was the trying part once i had actualy stopped with the support of aa and my family  i have gained  the strength to cope on a daily basis bringing god into my life was by far a super bonus  hang in there

I'm doing it without any support groups and my family don't even know what I do. My husband does but not my parents and the rest of the family. God, I couldn't even imagine their reaction if they ever found out!!

Thanks to you all for the positive encouragement

well i can tell you that it is hard to stay clean. I am now 35 years old. I started using drugs when i was 13. I too stopped when I was pregnant with my son but then i started right up again. I never really stopped untill 2 years ago i stopped using heroin  and now i have been clean off of everything for 238 days.  sometimes, i think wow i cant believe that i have been clean for this long!! i cant believe it! i never thought i could live my live with out drugs! I am being very honest! I knew when i had had enough when i lost my boyfrien of 5 years to heroin. That is when it was time to stop! He had overdosed twice in 24 hours. and i was with him both times and woke up next to him and he was nearly dead.Then 3 months later he overdosed again and i wasnt there and he died! well that was it!!! sometimes things like that have to happen to people to make them stop, you have to hit "rock bottom" like they say. I didnt hit rock bottom but I know if i kept on goin I would end up right next to my boyfriend. Right in the ground!!! I didnt want that. I have sooo much more to live for! I have a son and have a great family. ya know there is more to life than drugs. When he overdosed that was the first time anyone had ever overdosed in front of me. in all those years of using that had never happened to me! So like i said, it scared me . Maybe that is why i stopped. I goto meetings( not as many as i should but i do go. I have a sponsor and i work the steps with her.  You have to want to stay clean. If you dont want it it isnt going to happen. you can have all the people in the world tell you and teach you ways to deal with recovery but YOU YOURSELF have to want this!! You are the only one that knows what is in your mind! I have a calendar and i mark off every day on the calendar my clean time. It keeps me happy to see that  i have accomplished sobriety. you can too. 

Wow Serenity, that's a story and a half!! I think that would have given me a reality check too.

I want to try for another baby so that's keeping me off it at the moment. But I was told I'd never have children and my little girl was a miracle to say the least so as long as I don't let myself get depressed if I cant fall pregnant I should get the worst of it out of the way.

If that makes any sense

First Step Prayer
God, I put no confidence in myself, since I know
I am powerless to change anything without your
help. I declare my dependence upon you and
admit to the chaos and unmanageability in my
life. Help me to remain aware of my condition
through your divine help.

~~^^SUZY^^~~

It's a start!!!