yeah well i wanted to have another baby but my boyfriend died. or lets just say the boyfriend that i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. Now i am with a different man and it just isnt the same. he cant have any kids. So just be lucky that you can! I have been with this New boyfriend for 3 years now, i really dont want to leave him just cause we cant make babies!

Hello, everyone!

I'm pretty new in here, and I hope to get to be a fixture soon. :o)

For me, it took what it took. Until I'd had ENOUGH of the pain and the shame and loneliness, I was not ready to quit. The oldtimers around here say when a person relapses, they just hadn't had enough pain. 

So, how are you doing, staying clean without any support? I can't imagine. The thing is, the steps are about deflating our ego, and it is usually pride that will tell us we don't need those meetings. Sure, I like to isolate as much as anyone, and at times those ppl in the rooms just irritate the cr*p out of me!!  nonetheless, my Dad used to say there are two kinds of ppl in the world, "Winners and whiners". Yeah, he always was a pretty black or white kinds guy. But they tell us to stick with the winners, and to stay teachable. 

Sure there are those who stick it out by themselves, but they are usually miserable, as is their family. The thing about 12 step meeting is that they compell you to try something that you'd never REALLY given a fair shake.

I'm rambling, I think. Sorry for blabbing on and on. It's good that you are here, and I hope to see you all around. :o)

abbie 

hello all,

For me, I got tired of being the poster child for insanity.( doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results). I remember asking God to help me out of the madness that had become my life. I had lost everything including my self-respect!

Then one day I ended up in the hospital with endocaritis( a bacteria infection that only I.V. drug users get) I went into cardiac arrest because my heart had swollen twice its size. I spent 6 weeks in the hospital and during my stay there I started to read the bible. I found my higher power in the middle of my misery!

If I could send any message to the addict that still suffers it would be...........

They don't say jails, institutions or death for nothing......

If we continue our path of self destruction...we will kill ourselves!

We are not bad people we have just made bad choices.

Rules for my recovery

1. higher power

2.hit my knees

3.call my sponser

4.go to a meeting

the answer to our problems is not simply we are complicated people.

Do not lose hope, we can do it one day at a time 

"How did you get to the point that you really didn't want to do it anymore?"

   By making the decision to be done and then immediately following it up with action. The action for me was going to NA meetings. I have not used since that day, 8 years ago.

   It's easy to want to stop. It's even easy to stop for a day, a week, a month....Staying stopped is the hard part. We have an obsessive compulsive disease. I was never able to control my using on my own, I needed help. And I got it. I never want to go back to the way it used to be, that's for sure. I really love my life now and I enjoy every day, even the hard stuff.

   Good luck! Hugs,

FreeBee 

 I went to my first meeting when I was just 16. It took many years and many relapses for me to "get" it. The key for me was to surrender. I asked myself time and time again just what is surrender? The answer lies in the first step.  We admitted we were powerless. Admitting is the first step letting go of any reservations is a part of this. Keep asking yourself what does the drugs have to offer me compared to what does being clean have to offer me?
And as for everyone not knowing about your addiction... "the addict is usually the last to know! lol

"The 12 Promises" 
(Big Book, page 83)

As God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are halfway through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;

I hope this helps