I have 18 months 'clean', from dope. But if i had to pick up a white keytag for everytime i 'quit' this guy, couldnt take the pain of 'withdrawal' from not being with him, and went back to the source of my pain (him!), i would be one of those 'constant relapsers'. I just cant seem to surrender to this, to "Just say no". Dope doesnt text you, telling you how much it misses you and all that crap. This is EXACTLY like addiction to drugs. What do i do?! I cant stop and i guess the pain hasnt gotten great enough. Ive tried EVERYTHING!  But im scared to ask how much or what will it take. IF i can take it! OMG!            The pain has gotten great enough. Actually, it wasnt all that painful afterall! I left in April but he woulnt leave me alone, and that hurt. But when i told him the only chance we would have is if he got struck by lightning and 'seen the light', He finally stopped. That was over a month ago and im so at peace now. Thank you God!!

The bottom line on people (just like any bad habit) ends up "simply" not associating with them. Easy to say, harder to do. Changing phone numbers, email addresses, even moving if the situation warrants it. Restraining orders work quite nicely in many situations.

     You might try telling him you don't wish to associate with him. If that doesn't work, tell him you consider his repeated attempts to communicate harassment and will get a restraining order. But you have to follow through. If you don't he'll just figure that you are bluffing.

      Not so simple, but you have it to do if you want that particular monkey off your back...

YF,

Dennis

Oooo gurl! Can I ever relate. I had "quit" my ex so many times I thought I must be dumb, a sucker, a masochist, or just plain crazy. It took what it took and it takes something different for everyone. Just remember that if you can stay sober through this good or bad, it will all be worth it. Ask God's help. Beg your Higher Power's help! The BI**H of that is that we have to be willing to step out of the way, and like with the drugs, it's difficult to let go completely. Actually, I think it was (is?) harder to quit my ex than it was to quit hard drugs and alcohol!!! Hugs for you girlfriend, you will make it through this to a better day and a better you just hang it there and don't pick up no matter what!

I use the steps with all my addictions,it works,it really does !!

Wow, Im in a similar situation. And I have to agree with work the steps. I find the solution for 99.9% of my problems is in working the 12-Steps due to the fact that 99.9% of the time I AM THE PROBLEM!! It' not the drugs, the men, the kids, the job, it's me and how I handle each situation. Since learning how to handle Life for the very first time in my life, I so need help. Everytime I do the footwork that this program suggests I learn something different about ME (the problem) which makes it alot easier to make wiser, "more Sane" decisions! There is Hope, girl, how bad do you want it?? lol, pray. 

well, i agree with the relation you are seeing between whether it is your "drug of choice" or people we allow to be in our lives.  and one person commented on using your steps of sobriety to get through it.  I agree. 

I am going through the same thing and it is just like getting over your addiction.  it is a choice to allow them to treat you the way they do and its time to stand up for yourself. 

i wish you luck and even though times get lonely, you feel much better in the end without that person dragging you down!

oooh wow and there you speak the truth relationships no matter the orientaion are so much a drug to so many of us. I can't count the number of time I said to a friend it's just another drug only to have that thought re-occur in my head a year later when I realized I was the one with the unhealthy relationship, unhealthy shakey boundaries. One where I found myself lying to my support group my sponsor and pretty much everyone to cover what what really going on with him. But I was soooo in Love with him. More the idea of being in love and having someone love me the way I so desperately wanted to be loved. You see in my active addiction my drug of choice loved me the way I wanted or it paid others to do that for me ( well in a manner of speaking ) everyone really love you if you have what they want right? Well now I am having to rediscover what these feelings are all about and I am coming up on 3 years. relationships are like a foriegn language to me ... but They are becoming clearer.

I can understand your situation. I think many people can.

However, it's important to now take your time when deciding whether to date someone. Look at how they treat their family and friends. Also strangers around them. And how they treat him in turn. Listen to the reasons for his past break ups. It will uncover hidden behaviors that may not surface when you are alone with each other. 

Make a "reasonable" list of the characteristics of the type of person you want and use that to evaluate your men. It works. You can never change a man; but you can find a good one.

You have obviously struck a chord with many people - lol. Breaking a relationship off is never easy. All the time I hear people tell me about their 'on again off again' trysts - a lot of them are normies too. I dunno all I can tell you is what works for me. If I have ever been in a bad relationship in the past I have always come to a crossroads. The common denominator for both roads traveled is pain. So then I have to ask myself what pain do I want to experience? The pain of the breakup and adjustment to single life again or the pain of staying in a dead-end relationship. Either way there is pain involved. Once I just accept that, then I am cool. I just went through a breakup last month of a year long relationship. She is not done drinking and I just cant afford to be emotionally involved with someone who has a history of problem drinking. It is just too big a risk. I went through this clean and sober and was amazed at how well I handled it - wow. A very empowering experience to further the resolve to stay straight.

This guy is just one guy in an ocean of guys. Wash your hands and move on sister!!

Peace

Jason

Thank you for sharing your experience because I'm going thru the same thing right now and I had just e-mailed my dear Unce about it and reflected about how my addiction to drugs and alcohol have bled into my personal relationships. I realized that this guy and our "relationship" had the same pull and hold on me like alcohol in that in my heart of hearts I knew it didn't make me happy but sad and I realized I kept rationalizing it in my mind so I can be somewhat at peace with the situation until something else happened to give me a clue about him being bad for me. What hurts is that I don't even think he even misses me or cares that I cut him out, he could leave me or take me. That's what I'm coming to terms with right now, grappling with my mind and heart to get in sync and focus on myself and my recovery and surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about my well-being. Again, I'm so glad you shared that and I wish you the strength and clarity that I wish for myself to get through this. Keep hanging on girl!