Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm a romance addict. You know, you read those books like Tuesday's with Morrie and you watch all those sappy movies, and you are constantly reminded what is important in life. Yeah, well that's me. I remember nothing in my life except my relationships. I remember always knowing nothing was as important. I remember watching people who kept forgetting. I always remembered. I lived in the hopes of one day meeting the perfect soul mate. Like Richard Gere in Officer and a Gentleman.

Well I met her...20 years, 1 wife, and 3 kids after I should have. There is nothing like it. I don't even need to be physical. When I am near her, i feel like I am getting a fix. When i am away, i feel empty, crushed and aching. Yet something inside me, says don't go. Don't go. Something pulls me harder to stay than to go...but I ache to be near her. Our love is mature. and not destructive. we don't hold each other back. But we are also both addicted to the idea of love. Love being the only thing in the whole world that matters. So, I love her, she loves me, but something tells me, there is more to life than love. So I have to give it up. Give up the idea of living a life in love. I have to make believe other things are more important to me in my life. I have to focus on materialistic things, and accomplishments. and now I am told the only way to fix my problem is to hand it over to a God, that I do not believe exists. 

Drugs. Is my life destined for phony living, thru antidepressants, or phony living thru imaginary men in the sky or is it destined for anguish? I know addiction. I also know love.  It's hard to kick a habit, if your whole being is based on it. And yet I try. Something inside me pulls me from going to her. and destroying the lives of myself and others. Have I already destroyed myself. I think maybe. I think maybe, I have learned too much. I look for other addictions to trade for my love addiction. Sex is fun, i don't drink or do drugs....not real. I run, and play, and build and work.  Is there anyone out there that can relate?

Phenylethylamine (what sex and love addicts are addicted to) is the base molecule for a whole family of drugs called phenylalines.  In that same family are some other drugs you may have heard of: Amphetamine, Meth-Amphetamine, XTC, & Cocaine to name a few.  It is a neuro-transmitter that produces a sense of euphoria and excitement that is very simular to that of the illegal drugs.  It is an anthropological theory that the purpose of this chemical is to help a young couple stay together in the early parts of a relationship until they bond.  It helps the human race get past all the little stuff at the beginning of a relationship.  Stuff like:  "I wish she'd put the cap back on the toothpaste tube when she's done", "I wish he'd clean all that hair off the drain when he's done in the shower."  But, I, as a person with a spiritual malady, never get past that stuff.  I am permanently "restless, irritable and discontent".  I never get past that little stuff.  So that when the Phenylethylamine wears off I am still letting those little things bother me.  In fact I am happy with nothing in my life, but I sure like the feeling in the beginning of a relationship.  So, I "serial date" as a way to get my fix and once again I can feel "ease and comfort".

Hi,

I'm new to this forum and to MyRecoveryspace. In May, 2006 I was arrested for my acting out behavior and really hit rock bottom. I've been attending SCA and SAA meetings since the Saturday after my arrest. I have seven months plus on my recovery plan. I've gotten a sponsor in SCA and a Step Sponsor in SAA.

William C