Hey folks,

   I just wanted to share a story with you and maybe it might help some. First of all we must know that when we were practicinbg addicts, it was all about us and the drug or alcohol, whatever might have been your vice. In other words, we can be very selfish people. Now I know in the rooms and even in Christ centered addictions meetings we ask that people don't hook up for at the least a year. Because of our selfishness, we find ourselves in relationships of co-dependency when we do this. From being addicted to a drug, now it's a person. Problem is that just because your heart was numb for however long and now it's come back to life and your libido waves and testosterone is running rampid, doesn't mean to pour all that energy into another person. Here is the story of two who didn't want to wait.

    Rob had been locked up for 10 years and Gennie had a pill habit before coming to Grace Overcomers. Rob had about a yeart clean in since work releaseand Gennie about 2 weeks. You would see them talking after every meeting and you just knew. One day they both approached another Pastor and myself and ask if we would bless their relationship and be their covering. We couldn't for 1 year was our suggestion. We watched as they defied our counsel and let their love for one another take it's course.

  Soon Gennie was shooting Heroin and she was a nurse with two beautiful children. They stopped attending meetings and ran all over our huge church looking for folks to do what I call "co-sign their stupidity" Finally they found a couple that told them there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. They got so involved in drugs they both had to go to Florida to detox while geenie left her kids with her mom. When they came home a couple in the church offered them a 3 bedroom house for free so they could get their marriage together.

  bottom line, Geenie went to feed her kids lunch art her mom's and when she came back to the house, Rob was slumped over the toilet dead. Geenie told me at his funeral that as of late, everytime he got high he was falling out and she had to call 9-11 more than a few times. I wish people would have the backbone to stand-up and say, "NO, that's not alright, you need to listen to those two Pastors, they are the one's qualified to answer your questions.

            &nb sp;                         What a waste   OldSchool7 Peace-out

    Most will agree with you. In fact I'd strongly recommend for most people that no major life changing decisions are made for the first year.
    That being said, does not that have to be tempered on a case-by-case basis? Painting everyone with that broad brush would be like saying "Drunks and dopers are all a bunch of spineless, degenerate losers, they'll never amount to anything" - since many more go our than stay in the program. 
     I believe that there is more than time in the fellowship that dictates emotional sobriety. Committment and dedication count for much. It's always a tough call.
     As you say, It has to be God, recovery - then everything else. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. But altogether too often, never.
YF,
Dennis

     God's will, sober friends and one's sponsor is always up front in the decision tree for me. Since I've started this journey, this has not failed me - when a failure occurs, it'll probably be traceable to something I missed.
     I believe that is why such decisions are never made lightly. Whether it be deciding to join with another, change a job, buy a house or even decide you aren't an alcoholic and go out for a few. Each one of these decisions  carries consequences - both good and bad. 
     If I was a member of an organization that had specific rules of behavior, I'd either follow those rules or opt out. As far as the felllowship goes, I live the steps and traditions because it is in my best interest to do so. I encourage those that seek my counsel to d othe same.
     In my first six months of recovery I made some major changes in my carreer and other long term aspects of my life as part of my plan for recovery and due to some situations and opportunities that we place in front of me. I have not regretted them. I learned early on to question my motives for doing things. This I did, my reasons for doing what I did harmed nobody, helped others and placed me in a position to learn some very valuable life lessons that I needed. I'm still learning, albeit slowly.
     I supposed these are the risks one takes when going against the general rule (my sponsor agreed that these decisions were good ones if I was to follow through). But you gotta think twice and cut once...

YF,
Dennis

TO EVERYONE READING THIS FORUM,

     How dangerous do you think it could be by looking for a partner of the opposiote Sex as soon as you ger sober??

            &nb sp;                          OldSchool777       can'