I am a nineteen year old female who has been on a rollercoaster of recovery for years..

I have always been over-weight.  Yo-yo dieting was apart of my every other day routines.  I would lose weight, stop, gain some back, lose some, stop, gain some back - you get the picture.

Over a year ago I decided to lose weight for my senior prom and fell into the ruins of a life-threatening and what appeared to be a 'never ending' vicious eating disorder.  I was anorexic and bulemic - I ate only a little in attempt to satisfy loved ones - then would do horrible and exhausting workouts to work off what I had ate.. I only sat down when it was time to sleep, and even then I would get up in the middle of the night so I could take walks without anyone knowing. Over a 6 month period I lost nearly 80 pounds..

With the help of family and my fiance (all of whom endured a lot of pain and suffering because of my addiction) I decided this could no longer define who I am..

Then I started eating.. and eating.. and eating.. at first it seemed great - I was gaining weight and everyone was happy. But then I became yet another unbearable cycle - binge eating.

Every night I would wake up while my fiance was sleeping and pig out - consuming a days worth of calories in one sitting. I would eat light around every one else, and then would look forward to the time I would have alone, just to find myself in the kitchen standing over the sink. I tried hiding the boxes and wrappers. Inevitably they were found by my fiance.  I have since gained almost ninety-five total pounds (in just 4 months)..

No one has been able to help. All they offer as adivce is: "just use a little will-power!" or "just don't do it, anymore!"

I continue to deal with my problem and hope to find some sort of sanity within the twelve step program. With the help of God and my boyfriend - I believe it's possible.