A lot of my addiction has had it's roots in fantasy.  There have been romantic and sexual fantasies going on in my head for a long time now.

At first in recovery I was only concerned with the real behaviours that had threatened to destroy my life and I was only concerned that my fantasies did not become obsessive infatuations but now the fantasies are getting on my nerves.  I can see how they might lead me to other things and they seem to occupy my thoughts more than ever.

I have tried to analyse them and to see what needs they point to so that I can satisfy my needs in other ways. Sometimes that works but sometimes I can't see what needs they are satisfying other than the need to think of love/sex.

I can blot them out by hard work but in the end that is another addiction and exhausting.  My sponsor suggested having positive daydreams instead but I don't find that easy or quite as satisfying.

Are there others here who have had this difficulty and found any relief from it?  Half the fight seems to be wanting to stop, these fantasies have been a part of my life for so long.  I can stop for a while but they always return, sometimes almost involountarily.

This sounds mad but then I'm counting on this recovery to restore me to sanity and I admitted long ago that my life is unmanageable.  I look forward to some replies. Cara

The amazing thing about us humans is that we can invent our own daydreams through positive visualization.  There are a few resources out there that may help.  It is something that I am trying myself.

A girl shared at a meeting she has the same problems.  She can meet a guy and 1 hour later she is thinking of names for their kids. 

It is no different with guys.  There is a cute girl at work that is 17 years younger than me.  Oh yea I can get some crazy dreams going.  But the weird thing is that her mother works in the same office and on Thursday nights we are in outpatient group therapy for Alcohol together.  Best wishes, Jeff

I don´t have issues with sex addiction, but I do have the same problem of fantasizing. It´s something that has become a huge issue for me, as it´s gotten to the point where I don´t spend a lot of time in reality. I don´t have an answer, but I know for me that it´s an issue of safety. My way to deal with things is to isolate, and when I daydream I´m not really interacting with the world. Therefore, if something happens, my reaction is numbed. I don´t truly feel the impact because I´m not really there. I haven´t found a solution, so all I´ve been doing is trying to bring my mind back to reality when it happens. It´s slow going' the first day I only remembered to come back once or twice. But the more I do it, the more I catch myself, and the longer I´m here for. I also know right now I feel fear about dealing with reality, so I have to look at that as well.

good luck , Ken  

Just thought I would let you all know that there is an answer to this one. Yes I had to get really fed up with it before I could do anything. And I did. Apart from the adrenaline fueled emotional rollercoaster it had me on I was getting some real ideas about men who were not meant to be partners in any sense of the word and it was ruining my relationships with some.

My step-work was revealing that I was living for some incredible ideals, the perfect man who would change my life, the perfect relationship that we would have and the amazing sex....I let them go, they are not real and never would be. No man is perfect, all relationships have glitches and you have to work hard at them and sex is never going to be anything but sex, mostly enjoyable, occasionally amazing but never more than the sum of it's parts (excuse the pun).

And then one day I was fantasising when reality rushed in. The man I was fantasising about was not interested in women and if he had been he would chose a single woman or go back to his ex-wife. The reality was imagining him with a single female mutual aquaintance in the kind of relationship I had been imagining. How would I feel? Wildly jealous, hurt, abandoned...I had no right.

Well that decided me. I would see how long I could manage to give it up.
It wasn't a doddle I have to say. I kept getting flashbacks from previous fantasies in certain situations but when I did I just said a firm (and often audible) 'No' and deliberately thought of something else or I prayed. The prayers were pretty desperate at times. Its a bit like losing a crutch I feel somewhat wobbly.

After a week I put 'Fantasies about real people (except my husband)' into my inner circle and kept going with the added incentive that it now affects my sobriety date. And just to be certain I went public in my recovery group.I have also tried to be imaginative in other ways, making up stories to keep my brain active on other subjects. And it is working.

Just a warning to anyone who wants to try this. Get some sobriety under your belt first. Don't try it until you have been sober for other behaviours for a while and have built up tools techniques and a support network. You also have to badly want to do it and it is a good idea to wait for some prompting by your higher power. That is another thing you need, a very definite faith in a higher power. What I am doing now seems to be the answer to a lot of prayer in the 'make me willing' mode.

But I once said it was impossible and that I couldn't do it and tomorrow takes me into my third week of freedom from a habit that has gripped me for over 35 years and has led me into obsession at times. I will keep going for as long as I and my Higher Power can. I hope that this will be an encouragement to others who come across this forum thread. It works if you work it. Cara

PS) Yes Ken, this week in desperation I had my first ever fantasy about my husband!

Cara you're absolutely correct! I'm new to this site and before now have never discussed my fantasies with anyone. I won't elaborate now, but we are two of a kind. It does relieve me to know that I'm not alone with that addiction. Of course it is accompanied by other addictions but it seems to be the most accessible of them all and is usually my trigger to bad decisions. I will try some of your suggestions. Thanks for sharing that, it has helped!

Gene