 |
I am looking to help those who are new to their recovery.
Come share. Ask questions, get help.
It is the only way that I know right know that I can give back.
Thanks for stopping by.
Keep coming back, cause it works if you work it...
Here is my story:
The last 9 years of my life have been difficult to say the least. For the most part drinking was the major blame. But that was brought on by a series of events that led me down a path that I thought that I would never have had to travel. One that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Back in 1999, my now ex wife almost died. A large mass had grown in her brain in a weeks time, taking a bright, energetic, loving mother and wife to a near vegitative state.
We had everything going for us at the time. We had just purchased a business from a dear friend. Had our second baby and then this happened. What happens from here is where it all goes to hell.
After surviving the near death experience, and falling about mentally, my wife decides that she wants a divorce. Says it will be good for her and I was well as the kids. I am at a loss. This was only a mere 6 months after all most dying.
So here is my life spiraling out of control on every level. My divorce is a complete nightmare and the woman I loved at one time has become my worst enemy. A enemy.?!
I cannot find solace in anything. I find no pleasure what so every. I am asked to move from the house I bought. Leave my kids with no visitation, except for one hour on Wednesdays and 8 hours every other Saturday. These are my kids. The very kids that I had stayed up with at nights. Fed, diapered and cared for daily. Taken by a evil led wife. I can't really blame her too much her attorneys told her to go for it all and she did.
The insanity raged on and on. We couldn't find agreement on anything. It was a bitter divorce. She constantly called the police on me. Threatened me over and over.
I was a wreck. I drank like no bodies business. The only time I didn't drink was when I was around my children. I loved them too much to every let them see me depressed, lonely, and deeply heart broke over all that was going on. We slept together in one bed, for I had nothing.
I was hanging on by a thread.
I tried to have a social life but couldn't even get to a point of being comfortable with anyone. My life was empty and lonely.
The battle raged on and on. Finally I met a wonderful woman who is now my wife. She was everything that I longed for in a woman.
I knew that the most important quality in a woman would be her character and how she would be with my children. My wife was perfect.
She was humbled. She was loving. She was perfect. But I still wasn't. See my battle still raged on and I was drinking heavier.
We got engaged just 6 months after meeting and married within a year. And my war with my ex raged on. My drinking got worse.
It was almost three more years that my new wife and I dealt with my battles. My ex and my drinking. No matter how hard I battled I was losing. And it was one of three options. I died, I killed my ex, or I stopped drinking. I was killing my marriage to a wonderful wife. And allowing a monster of an ex to drive me to drink. Literally.
I had enough. I couldn't be scare of my ex any longer and the only choice I had was to quick drinking.
I checked my ass into Intense Out patience Therapy. I joined AA. And I worked the program. Yet the war waged on. I thought that once I stopped drinking that every thing would change. Well it didn't. What the heck? Why?
I couldn't understand for the life of me why? But I did know one thing. I was able to deal with my ex and her crap a little be easier. Not much, but certainly not nearly as bad. She didn't scare me as much as she did.
She and I went back to battling over lies that she made up over child support only to be made out to look like a fool in court for lying. But the battle still wages on. Why?
I try to work with her. I try to be nicer. I tried. but still the same old crap. Then I dawns on me. Things may not be getting much better with her, but they're a million times better with me, my wife and my children.
I am happier. My wife and I love each other more than ever. My outlook for my children is without a doubt the best it has ever been. I look for to every day, but why? I still have this evil ex that has nothing but anger for me. She takes great pleasure in making life for me a constant pain. She is jealous beyond all. Her pride is in trying to dismantle my life and put pressure on my new wife and I. And for what? I don't know.
I am sorry for her. I know that in the past I was less than respectable with my behavior towards her. I was angry. Hurt and didn't know how to deal with all that had taken place over the years. I did love her very much. I wish stuff could have worked out differently for us on the divorce. I do wish we were friends. She has a fiance in her life, and he seems to be a very good man. He is a good fit for my kids. Yet she isn't happy.
At least not with me.
AA gave me back what I lost. My soul. My heart. My life. GOD is now back where helongs.
I still have to deal with a great deal of crap to this day, but I don't drink and I am not scared.
I take it one day at a time...
Peace.
Dennis
|
