I read an affirmation recently and have used it - it says that I affirm that I will use every experience to learn.

I have just been through two weeks of stress ridden hard work.  It all centred around moving my mother from the rented three bed house she has lived in for almost 50 years to a one bed flat (apartment for those of you 'across the pond') so she can be looked after and not have to climb stairs. I had two tasks 1) Empty the old house of extraneous junk and furniture 2)make the new place homely with all her familliar things. The first task was the hardest and needed some impressive organisation - I was impressive and so was my Higher Power who seemed to just ensure that I had help at the right times and that things fell into place. We filled a skip (dumpster) with the trash. Then the second one which involved buying carpets and furniture and making sure everything worked, still a work in progress but almost done and she is now living in the flat

There was another dimension to this, I was clearing out what was my childhood home, with both good memories and a lot of bad connected.  It was emotionally draining too.

And what of me, how did I hold up?  Actually this level of stress is really nothing compared to the way I used to live all the time so I figured I could cope.  How wrong I was. I used to act out to avoid feeling what that level of stress did to me until I became ill or chronically depressed. 

Now I realise that I could only work at that level for a very short time before it got to me. I realised two things, one was that I am now so more used to looking after myself.  At the end of a busy day spent rushing around I just sat down, or lay down and let others do the cooking.

The other thing is that I could not or would not let my hunger, anger, loneliness or tiredness cause me to act out.  At the first sign of this I would want to find a programme friend or a meeting to sustain me.  At times necessity forced me to carry on regardless but I have to say that if there hadn't been a definite end in sight I might have folded.

This week I am taking it easy, allowing myself to rest, being gentle with myself and getting myself back on track in recovery, because I need it, because I am worth it.  I survived.

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