My name is Connie and I am recovering from addictions. I am lucky that I took some womens empowerment groups since I am a survivor of abuse. I learned that I have rights. And I learned it is okay to speak up for myself. I used to be passive, be a people pleaser and just allow others to walk all over me. If you wanted me to do something I always said "yes" without questioning. My "niceness" was really hurting me.

Anyway, now I can practice the saying "say what you mean, but don't say it mean". I can speak up for myself. And if someone choose to be mean and cruel to me with their "words" I do not have to sit there and take it. I can put up my hand and say "stop". I can walk away. I can hang up a phone. I do not deserve verbal abuse or any other kinds of abuse. No one does.

So today it is very important for me to speak up. To say how I feel. If a person is "un-safe" of course I have to not say anything, but it doesn't mean I can't express myself in my journal writing or talking things over with my sponsor(s) or others in recovery.

If someone invites me somewhere as in a party invitation, I take my time in choosing whether to go to the event or not. If I truly feel I need to be there, I will go. If I know it is something I really am not up to, then I have to just decline and know it is okay.

On communicating, lots of my friends and relatives and I stay in touch lots by email. Seems to be the thing nowadays. But it is so important on what you put in print. I mean a mean email can crush a person. It happened to me recently - receiving a "cruel words" email, but I am willing to let it go, forgive and turn over the hurt to my Higher Power from what I got in that email. I am willing to not write a mean email back, too. But to protect me, I am distancing myself from that person for my own protection from the mean stuff.

I communicate great with my Higher Power and my good friends. Especially my friends in 12 step groups that are living a spiritual life. With other people in general like cashiers or other strangers, I try to be on good behavior even if they are in bad moods. I don't want to do the "eye for an eye" thing. Like if they are grouchy, I have to be grouchy back.

I think it matters what we do, what we say, how we act. I know to live free from addictions, I need to be on a spiritual path. Luckily the 12 steps give me my path and I am more than willing to let go of any hurts so I can live in peace. Looking for the good in my life is a way I can see so much beauty, so much love, so many kind and caring people and this makes for an uplifting mood for me and then I can be more of a happy person. Being happy, joyous and free is something to look forward to daily. My Higher Power can help me with that when I notice the beauty and joy in my world. It is there. I just have to choose to notice it. Like I could have lots of nice friends and relatives and one person does something cruel to me and I am crushed. No, I can't live like that. I have to let go of the cruel persons stuff and take a good look at all the nice people in my life, then I can see God is not picking on me and I have a beautiful life to enjoy.

Thanks for listening. Sincerely, Connie with 12 step love and hugs to all

Tags: Communication Assertiveness Abuse Survivors

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