I have been where you are, and it is a dark place indeed. I was raised up by women in two different 12 step programs. Women that helped me believe I was worth more, women who helped me realize that I am beautiful, loveable, and worthy of good, honest, safe, healthy love. It took me a while to accept that, but I learned to with time and love from these women in the 12 step programs.

Because of this, I am with a man who truly loves me today, and vice versa. He never puts me down. He builds me up. He encourages me to be the best woman that I can be, without belittling me. Before him, I was only with men who treated me as you have described the one you love treats you. I loved them, I sure did. But I learned I had to love myself more, enough to let them go....... no simple task and I could not have done it without the support of women in recovery.

Take heart dear, You are not alone.

hugs

Jessie

Who can be sure what your problem is. Only you know if you have a problem with alcohol and when you think you do, you may chose to quit! He can't tell you you do, or many other things. Being an AA member does not mean one is healthy. It means they joined and sounds like "he" has stopped drinking. A good thing.

He was with you carnally when you were drinking. What happened?

You have described co-dependant behaviour and all the signs of low self-esteem. Their is help for that. You may learn that your good enough and complete enough all on your own! Here if I can help.

My ex, got sober for 'me' and it did not work. I needed to get sober for myself.

If you say you have a drinking problem, keep coming to meetings! I know my

disease wanted me dead. still does...

we are physical, mental, emotional, spiritual beings- my disease devasted

all of those parts. I was bankrupt & in so much pain when I finally came to the

program, I was 'sick and tired of being sick and tired'. It took some time

for me to accept that I couldn't do it alone. "I can't, we can" ( and other slogans)

helped a lot. We need each other, one day at a time...Blessings, Nia

Thank you, Denis, and T!

I agree with Dennis.  I suggest that all things need to start with you at this very moment!  We've all been hurt, neglected, manipulated, etc.  This is life.  Being sober gives us the opportunity to deal with these feelings in a different way.  We have an opportunity to make a better choice now, where when we are in our active addiction,  we chose what are disease wanted us to choose.  We Agnostics is the first chapter I would suggest for you.  Keep coming back, we do!

T

Olie -

Hello and welcome

Interesting. There's an old story about alcoholics: "Just because you sober up a drunken horsethief doesn't mean you can stop watching your horse." You say you quit drinking for him - was it hard to quit? Are you an alcoholic or did he tell you you are one?

From what you write, I'd say you've been taken by a manipulating pro. The AA admonition regarding association with others that drink is only if you feel it endangers your sobriety. Your drinking didn't interfere with what he wanted one bit. That same admoniton is there regarding anyone that threatens your sobriety - and it sounds as if he does. I'd recommend keeping a goodly distance from a predator such as that...

Take care,

Dennis