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Having a Tough Time

Posted On 01/27/2010 12:27:43 by tdubbs825

I have been sober from booze (after almost dying a few weeks ago. I overdosed on purpose and was in ICU on an intubator for 3 days. Doctors didnt think I would live) for 5 days.

Yet, in those 5 days, I have turned back to narcotics. I pop my vicodin and xanax like they are going out of style. If I can't have those, I get hyped up on Adderall. And basically if I feel ANYTHING... if I feel SOBER... I feel miserable.

Why can't I like myslef? Will things ever get better? I hurt so much. I am just trying to take away all the years of pain and abuse that keep popping up in my mind and the best way to do that for me is to drink/smoke/pop pills.

I need help but rehab has never worked. I've been to 7 of them, 3 detoxes, and I cant even count the ERs and ICU time I've been in.

I need life. I don't want life.. But I do.

Tags: Drugs Alcohol Booze Narcotics

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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: KeithB

01/29/2010 13:07:55 Why can't I like myslef? Will things ever get better? I hurt so much. I am just trying to take away all the years of Good questions. Why hasn't all the places you've gone to given you the tools? Are YOU taking the action you need to and how committed to change are you? luv

From: Nancy

01/28/2010 00:09:01 Wow, your story sounds like the one that brought me here over a year ago. I know how you feel..I've been there. I didn't think I could stay away from my addiction and tried to take my life. I'm here to say taking your life is not the answer but giving it to God is. You will be in my prayers constantly! May God keep you safe and well!!!

From: Godluvsall

01/27/2010 17:37:23 Today, by the grace of God and Alcoholics Anonymous, I am a clean, sober and reasonably content person. If you haven't tried a 12 step fellowship, give it a shot. It worked for this drunk... I 2nd what Dennis has said. I didn't think I had a life and I almost died twice. There is a way, just keep digging like Dennis said. THERE IS HOPE! Tina

From: DennisS

01/27/2010 17:16:29

Hello and welcome to a good place.

Sounds like me. If I couldn't get my poison of choice, I simply found something else. As it turns out, my ism's were just symptoms of a pile of underlying problems (so far all were self induced, so I have no one to blame today but me). Escaping via drugs or alcohol only worked as long as I could survive till the next day. Then I couldn't escape any more.

I was forced to look at the reasons I felt miserable. And find answers to those. Once those answers were found and those issues resolved, my misery ended. It took a bit of digging with a willingness to be honest. Today, by the grace of God and Alcoholics Anonymous, I am a clean, sober and reasonably content person. If you haven't tried a 12 step fellowship, give it a shot. It worked for this drunk...

YF,

Dennis

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