Due to the downturn in the economy, Alcoholics Anonymous will NO LONGER be dues and membership "free" as has been the case for almost 75 years. Like many businesses, AA will now be charging for some things that used to be free, such as:
1--Being Rocketed into the 4th Dimension---$49.99 per trip, fuel surcharge applies, extra baggage NOT included. 5th dimension trips optional. See your sponsor for details.
2--Sponsorship - was free, NOW $9.99 per month, with 4 visits/15 phone calls per month free, after that, $2.00 each.
3--Membership Dues now $29.99/month, 10% discount for a 1-year plan.
4--Seating charges - Each seat now $1.00 per meeting, with a 20% discount for the 90-in-90 plan.
5--The "Pink Cloud" was free, NOW $14.99 per cloud, with a $5.00 per event environmental cleanup fee. These are the NEW ozone-free Pink Clouds that do NOT add to global warming.
6--Coffee to be $1.50 per cup, with a 10% discount for 5 or more cups.
7--Hugs now will be $2.50 each.
8--Conscious contact with GOD now $9.99/month, with the first 450 minutes free, then 0.10 cents/minute fee over. New "double your minutes for life" plan is a low $49.99 one time charge - holidays and weekends extra. See the current rate schedule, as GOD is VERY busy.
9--Accidental "cell phone going off during meeting charge" now set at $25.00 per ring (not per call).
10--"I've Been Thinking" fees to now be $3.00 each, with a relapse re-entry fee of only $99.99 each, if you're lucky enough to make it back into the rooms.
11-Publication of A.A. Birthdays in "The Messenger" fees will be $5.00 per 5 years of sobriety. $5.00 for 1 - 5 years, $10 for 5 -10 years, etc.
12- An extra $10.00 will be levied for any and every time someone, after a 15 minute dissertation says "But I don't know". If you don't know then don't preach for 15 minutes like you know.
13- An extra triple dip fee will be levied to DennisS for repeated turns to share.
14- A nonrefundable $20 fee for any extended length "burning desires" that are neither burning nor desirous. To cut back on people using important closing time to just rant at the end of the meeting for no real reason other than wanting to have the last word.
15- A $3 cross talking charge will be leveled at every infraction.
16- And the fee that would fracture AA as we know it...a $5 per cigarette charge or soon to be called the $200 fine for smoking in a public place.
17- And last but not least in our desperate push to make money we will be starting a No Cursing rule too. $1 for ever curse word or 12 for $10 if you Know you're "In a Mood".
Reminder: Cursing While smoking will not be commingled but treated as separate infractions. Please, void where prohibited by law, AA reserves the right to change none, all,or some of these rates at anytime, with no notice to you. If you need a notice of change of rates, a written request may be sent to AA World Service headquarters in NewYork, of course, a $10.00 fee applies
