I have a lot of issues with my father.  There is often frustration, anger, resentment, and other feelings.  It is very hard to have a thoughtful and detailed conversation.  I feel often alone from not having a relationship

I know that I am not living to my side of the street.  My side of the street is filled with the defects of inattention, slothfulness, and dwelling within myself.

Yet, I see little payoff to doing stepwork on this issue.  I think that stepwork would keep me clean on my side of the street. 

Stepwork is the only way to solve this.  I have to learn that my best thinking got me into the rooms.  It is my best thinking that landed me a sponsor and I have to do the step as he told me.

I need to understand that I cannot live in my head and I need to get my thoughts to the pen and paper.  When I get in my head, I need to write my thoughts down no matter if they ramble or not.

If I have issues with a friend, a employer, or my parents, it needs to get down a pen and paper.  I need to tell my sponsor about this.  And I need to write it here. 

I almost have a year of soberity and there is still of loads and loads of things to work on.  Even things like this. 

When I first recovered, I could not focus on issue. The only thing that I could focus is remaining sober.  Remaining sober for life. Such a challenge.

And trying to work problems with my father. Forget it mann.  I was just trying to remain sober.

And work? The work that I have to do on myself seems infinite and larger than the size of the ocean.

And that is just trying to relationship that lives like a perfectionist.  It seems that I will never meet his expectations.

And yet, I just realized that doing the stepwork to improve my relationship with dad is ultimately done for myself.  I am not doing this for him, but rather I desperately need the growth in my life.

I have to run. Run towards another place.  Another place where the daily grind off life will end.

A retreat from reality.  A spiritual place. And therefore, I do not need to think about this matter for a long. Time to get off the computer and be transformed to that place, even it is for the weekend.

Time to go

F

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