I'm note sure why but I never keep up with this site, It's silly really cuz there are alot of great people that I've met thru here. You ever feel like something is missing or just off? I know that I have extreme anxiety and that could be it (I had it before my addiction and its pretty much the reason I began to use drugs to begin with..a story we've all heard before, right) My substance abuse counselor that I see weekly says that more than likely that's what it is. I try so hard not to take my prescribed medication for it but I know I need to. It just that its addictive and I don't want to be addicted to something else you know? Then what's gonna happen when the time comes to stop taking it? I've tried so many other kinds of meds for anxiety and none of them have worked, boy if I made a list it would go on forever. And for some reason anti-depression meds make me depressed.
I just feel like something is missing, I mean I'm in the middle of going to school which is great. I'm a great mom to my son and my daughter even though my daughter still lives with my mom and that doesn't seem like its gonna change anytime soon or ever. My relationship with my boyfriend who I have been with for almost 5 yrs and God he has been with me thru the worst we're good. Right now we're going thru a stressful period though, financially. My b-day's tomorrow and I'm depressed about it. I grew up always making such a fuss about it and now it's nothing and it makes me sad. I know it probably sounds selfish right? But ugh we have so many bill that have to be paid within the next month and within that time is also my daughters b-day on Aug 28th and my sons on Sept 18th (and my boyfriends on Sept 14th) and on both mine and his b-day we have to renew our licenses and we're both in non-renewal status because of not paying excise taxes for like 3 years (each) so we're screwed. And I CAN'T let my children's birthday's suffer because we were irresponsible and didn't pay our bills when we should have.
So pretty much me and him are not getting along so great which really affects me. I don't know why I used to be able to shrug it off like it was nothing when we weren't getting along but now I take it to heart and I get so upset. I try to talk to him but he's not a "talker" so to say. He just seems so aggravated with me lately like everything I say or do is annoying. I just hate it when we're not on the same wavelength so to say.
Well good thing is I'm sober, I know that it may seem at this moment like it doesn't really matter but I know deep down that it does. Sometimes I just wish life was easy -- don't you?
Tags: Anxiety Money Problems
