EGO RUNNING WILD!
Thought to Ponder . . .The ego seeks the destination; the soul seeks the journey
What a deadly conflict I had going on for so many years, my ego searching for the destination and my forgotten soul seeking a journey! It made it hard to live in this skin of mine; seeking and achieving things that were never enough, yet a constant feeling of dis-ease inside.
I remember well the day that a marriage counsellor suggested that alcohol and other mood altering activities may have a role in the breakdown of my marriage; the most important relationship in my life. She sent me down the hall to see a "specialist" professional. He asked me about my accomplishments, and I had no trouble telling him of the work things I'd done, the material things we had accumulated and other successes. I saw myself as the successful man.
He administered a test that I now know to be a common one. Bottom line, the test clearly indicated that I was an alcoholic and I recoiled when he told me that. Me? The guy with the big house, cars and dazzling resume. Impossible.
He then proceeded to rip me a new one, something quite frankly I needed. Again recoil, but I couldn't run, I wanted my marriage to work out; people like me cannot keep blowing relationships!
My ego was large, in retrospect, my pride was false. In the areas that were really important, I was failing. The destination to outward material success had been reasonably successful; wasn't I president of a large company at age 31?
My spiritual life, in contrast, had been deeply buried. It is not that I thought I was god (although some might have thought so) but there was no thought of anything being more powerful than I, I saw myself as captain of my own destiny and relied upon me for most things.
It became apparent that this reliance had got me in to the mess that was my life.
Through a series of events and guided by others, I began to listen to that small quiet voice inside me; it had never left, but was but a small flicker in a dark world inside of me. This voice, the voice of my soul, was seeking a journey to a vastly better life; a life that included hope and serenity. By some miracle I decided to heed it, and a journey began! Ego, along the way, was right sized slowly and major changes in life priorities began to come into play.
Ego was modified by a self-love and a humbleness that had disappeared. I accepted help and began to trudge a journey that is and was hard, but a journey that I am eternally grateful for. Along the way, my need to use mood altering substances and behaviours to validate my ego dropped off.
Sure I still set goals for tangible things and enjoy material things when they happen. That being said, the predominant influence in my life today is my soul, not my ego, and living by the Golden Rule is what I seek and I do remember to thank and be grateful to that power that is greater than me on a daily basis.
Is ego taking you on a search for a destination? Have you considered, reducing internal conflict, going on a journey? As one who is one the journey ahead of you, if I can help, please contact me at khbray@hopeserenity.ca.
Tags: Certified Addictions Coach Free Help Hopeserenity.ca
