I WANT MORE (of everything pleasurable)
It was a fact, I spent a good part of my life wanting MORE, particularly those things that made me feel good and momentarily secure. Can you relate?
Whether it be love or adoration, praise, alcohol or drugs, friends, relationships and such, if it helped me to feel better in the moment, I wanted more.
I fortunately had a very good business career. People saw me as driven and I was able to give my employers good value for money. In return, I was promoted and my remuneration kept increasing. Each raise or promotion felt good for a short period of time, yet very quickly, I wanted more. There never seemed to be enough.
In my quest for "more" of those things that made me feel better for a time, I gave up a lot, and that included time for my family, time for life balance, time for anything spiritual and ultimately, I gave up respect for myself.
In just about everything I did to show others how "normal" I was or in activities that were in the moment pleasurable, I wanted more and seldom got enough.
The pursuit of that elusive more left me empty, hating to be alone, a divide between myself, my family and the dear friends that stuck by me. When I drank, many a time there was never enough. One drink or joint wasn't enough, for some reason, far too often I wanted more. I had no concept of a power that was greater than me; I did my best to control the universe about me. It was draining. I could be in a crowd and be lonely. A little black cloud developed and seemed to be perpetually over my head. I was constantly stressed and this left me tired. In seeking more I hit empty, and finally became sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I began to lose "things", like significant relationships, that were very important to me. I accepted that if I kept going on the path I was headed I would lose a lot more; and I had already lost myself- my very soul was buried.
I accepted finally that I could not turn things around by myself. I accepted that I had some deep seated problems and that at times, my behaviour and value system was not sane. Rational people would not act the way I did and getting more was not the answer.
I accepted I needed help, and reluctantly I sought and got it. A journey began; a journey that evolved into a long term process of life recovery; and that process continues today. I seek progress and will never achieve perfection. That I accept. I do not constantly seek more. The higher power that is a part of my life seems to give me exactly what I need and gives it to me when I am ready to handle it. Seeking more has changed into being truly grateful for what I have got, and along the way I regained hope, serenity and self-respect. A true miracle from where I started.
In some of the areas my blog is read, I get comments that all I am trying to do is drum up business. Yes I coach "life" issues for a living, but try to give back as a service for what I have been given. If I can spend time with someone as a "service" and help them get started on their own recovery journey, I do it with pleasure and at no cost. If someone decides for whatever their reasons may be and it looks like a win/win, I will work with individuals on a fee for service basis, but my first goal is to share and get others in a position where they are really willing to start a journey to a better life.
Ever just want a sounding board that has been on the journey for a while and has been able to experience major positive change, I can be reached through www.hopeserenity.ca and am available by phone.
Find out what "MORE" really is in your life. It will be a pleasant surprise if you're like me. Today, I have all I need.
Tags: Gratitude Coach Hopeserenity.ca
