Today was just one of those days...
I just graduated with my Medicinal Chemistry degree last month. I decided to take a year off before applying to med school and am working in a research lab fulltime right now. Definitely NOT what I am meant to do in this life. It is like watching the paint dry every single day. Painfully boring but I need the money.. probably the story of a majority of people's lives. So I spent 8 hours doing something I hate.
Little background on the next part of my day. My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He has also been my best friend for four years. We can talk about anything. I noticed that these past two weeks he has been distant and I know he has started drinking again. He always says he will start AA or get some other kind of help, and I keep encouraging him to come to my meetings but then he decides he doesn't have a problem. I don't want to be the bitchy girlfriend who makes him do something, I don't want to have to give him an ultimatum, I want him to want to get better for himself, because he wants his life back. I know from my personal experience with addiction that you have to want to do this for yourself. You are the one you can always count on.
So, I get off work. Am supposed to go to dinner with him. He is in a bad mood and we start fighting over something insignificant. He tells me to go try eating by myself (I still struggle with bulimia). We yell some more. I break up with him. He went out of his way to say everything he knows would hurt me. I wanted so badly to just give up on the whole recovery thing, seeing that someone who says they love me would throw everything in my face like that. I didn't though. Starving myself, running forever, purging, taking vicodin, none of it will change what happened and it is just a temporary fix.
I want so badly to give up right now so I thought blogging would be a good distraction. Thank you for listening.
