Isn't it enough to just not drink? What's wrong with simply not drinking?
Why the sponsor, why the 90-in-90, why the phone calls, the text messages, the emails? What's the big deal? Why so much "concern?" Why so serious, people? It gets depressing.
What ever happened to just keeping it simple - don't drink.
I've been doing a lot of self-assessment, and yes, getting a bit judgemental (emphasis on mental) about what I perceive as "outside" influences. Currently in the 4th step, I'm starting to get perturbed thinking about what others' expectations might be of me....specifically my sponsor. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks or so...we're both very busy professionally and finding the time has been a challenge.
That said, I've been rather put off by the cautionary tone of his voice in admonishing me to do 90 meetings in 90 days, don't jump around the steps (another caution from my sponsor) - after sharing a wonderful dinner with my 2 adult daughters, letting them know I take full responsibility for the break up of the marriage with their mother due to my alcoholism. (The timing was simply perfect - steps be damned). It was a wonderful conversation and I don't regret having it. It was a wonderful moment in time.
I've been involved in my music, attending rehearsals rather than going to meetings, and guess what....music is cathartic for me. IT WORKS! When I put the horn to my lips, I'm not putting a beer bottle to them. What's not to like.
I don't know what people expect others to do. They SAY you should do what works for you, yet human nature tends to bring out the judge in people; like you're not doing it "right", you're taking too long with your steps, I've heard comments (more than once) from the likes of my sponsor that I'm the type of person who's "high risk" at failure....smart, good looking, well off. Hmmmmm......what's up with THAT?
I'm frustrated (and must confess, a little angry) that I'm about 3 weeks away from my first year, and now I feel I don't want a sponsor, nor go to meetings. I just want to be. Just be me.
I'm satisfied with the way things are going personally and professionally for me. I'm accomplishing things with my life. I'm currently "on my game." And I don't want to drink.
I like simple.
Is that so wrong?
