Today I tried. Today I was serious about my program. Today I was almost abstinent, but I lost it this evening for a bit. I wont minimize but it is progress not perfection. Today more of the onion was peeled away and I got down to the core issue of shame. I intended to be more aware of my feelings and my actual honest desires. I have been so overwhelmed lately with pressure from outside myself, whether it was my mother's standards in housekeeping, my need to be respected and loved, my own perception of success...whatever. Today I wanted to be really in touch with what I liked, with what I wanted so I really made an effort to be self aware. I was a lot but not 100%, but I was a lot less overwhelmed, and felt less shame and guilt than usual.

I could have called my friend whose mother-in-law is in hospice, but I chose not to.

I made less than perfect choices for dinner tonight. I had fried potatoes and skipped the salad I planned.

I feel guilty about not doing the dishes, which makes me mad. Why should I have to be the one to do that all the time?

I did get out and move around in the yard, got some stuff planted and old stuff pulled out.

I had an awesome quiet time, went to a meeting, emailed my sponsor...

Tags: 10th Step Journaling

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