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Attack of the Past
Posted On 05/06/2009 19:58:00 by txcupcake33

I 'm sitting here trying to get my thoughts straight about what I'm feeling. The words just aren't coming to me as they usually do. My heart is breaking and my faith is faltering. Friday is my two year clean and sober anniversary and I'm proud of myself for the accomplishments I've made in the last two years. But one thing holds me back and I fear always will. Two years ago I went to jail for a crime I didn't commit. I know most of you are thinking that all criminals say that very thing and truely aren't innocent. But I truely am innocent. Over the past couple of years I have gotten better about talking about the charge and my experience in jail. I feel I lost a part of myself that I will never get back no matter what I do in my life. That all the change, faith, honesty, accomplishments, and recovery birthdays that come and go will not help. The problem is is I plead guilty to a charge so that I could avoid prison and live what I thought would be a happy uneventful life. My mistake! This charge (a felony) bars me from so many jobs, careers, and takes away many choices in what I call a normal life. What can I do I sit here wondering. It isn't self-pity...it's fear that is suffocating me. Fear of not being able to continue to grow in life. It's hard to explain but I am going ot do my best. For the past year I have been a volunteer and they are know hiring. These people have gotten to know me very well and I have been very honest and upfront in regards to my situations both legal and personal. They offered me the job and now it seems that I am being put off. Maybe I'm wrong. Finding a job has been terribly hard since I got out of jail. I moved and now finding a job is even more difficult since nobody hires people with a felony charge on their record. I pray that I am wrong about being put off. My strength to continue fighting is decreasing as I am disqualified from so many places no matter. I know that my HP will provide me the strength to keep going and everything will work out for the best. My thoughts are scattered and filled with worry and confusion. Seems I have more questions than answers.  Just have know idea what to do anymore.

Thanks for being here you guys and letting me vent alittle.

HUGS TO YOU ALL!!

----Jennifer

           

Tags: Help Advice Recovery Life Fear Confusion



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Viewing 1 - 10 out of 10 Comments

From: txcupcake33
05/07/2009 13:06:07

I'm thankful I am able to feel the ups and downs of life being that I han't for so long. Getting the conviction overturned would require removing the plea of guilt and returning to jail with again the possibility of 2-10 yrs in prison if the was lost. Currently I am 1year 7months into a 7 year probation sentence. At this point I have completed all requirements of the court and am playing the waiting game. Basically I can request early release this coming January. It's a 50-50 chance but worth taking! I do keep in close contact with both of my probation officers on a regular basis and they both say 50-50 chance in January but at the same time that doesnt help the roadblocks before me now.Thanks for being here Dennis.

Today is a new day.

----Jennifer


 DennisS wrote:

 Jennifer -



     "I know that my HP will provide me the strength to keep going and everything will work out for the best." is a good attitude - but don't forget the footwork. As you say, those people may hire you in spite of the legal judgement against you.



     In the meantime, is there any chance of getting the conviction overturned? More footwork for you, but might be well worth it. It may be that you took the fall for another and were protecting them. Or there was no other alternative that you could see back then.



     When we clean our side of the street, that  "clearing away the wreckage of the past" - we often have things we cannot clear away with an amend or personal works. That's when we need to turn to the professionals for assistance. In this case legal counsel. Many in that profession will provide a short consultation regarding a taking a case of your nature prior to setting a formal agreement. Might be worth a few steps in that direction. If not, toss it out as something that you cannot change and move on.



     Either way you go, please remember that growth can in spite of or because of...



Hugs,



Dennis



From: txcupcake33
05/07/2009 12:53:46

Thank you Tom. I needed to be reminded that id God brings us to it he WILL bring us through it.

God Bless  -----Jennifer


 NICEnEASY wrote:

Hang in their,for we do not know what god has in store for us,but it will be much better than we can plan for ourselves.Sad but true recovery is about learning to make it thru our fears without useing anything to avoid them.Today i am very thankful for all the fear and pain that i had to go thru to get to where i am today For most of us it is  No Pain No Gain..For God does not bring us to a certain point, and then just let us go.If you can believe that he loves you,even if just a little bit, then know that he means you no harm...May you soon be wraped in peace and happyness....Tom L.



From: txcupcake33
05/07/2009 12:50:32

That would be great Philip. I too lost a medical license. SO there is HOPE in getting some of what we lost back.

HUGS   ---Jennifer



 Philip wrote:

I will send you an email on my experances on a felony and my getting my nursing lic back and a job



u r in my paryers



From: txcupcake33
05/07/2009 12:47:30

A miracle sounds great. Letting go seems to be the problem. Just when I think I have let go of the feelings attached to the charge and the ex that should have been charged I find I havent let go of it all. To be honest I dont know how to let go of this.  


Nia wrote:

Don't quit before the miracle happens!!!!keep turning it over and try to let it go-

Congrats on the upcoming anniversary, One Day at a time !

try to keep your focus close to the moment at hand-

Blessings, Nia



From: txcupcake33
05/07/2009 12:38:51

My attorney wanted me to fight the charge. I was so scared. There were two choices prison or probation. So I chose the latter. It was worth it. My life has improved a great deal. I am giving it to God he will do for me what I cannot do for myself and give me the strength to stand tall. Thank you for being here. 


TeeTop wrote:

Well Jennifer, don't give up.
Just give it over to God and let Him open the doors for your job.



I too was chared with a crime for which I was inocent, and by the suggestion of my Lawyer, pled No-contest. Totaly wrong move on my part, as it is with me the rest of my life.



So what, God has my life today, and I rest in Him.

Remember, even Joseph, was thrown into prison and yet he was inocent.
And look at what God did in his life as well as his people. (Gen. 39:1-50:26)



Never underestimate God's power or His Love.



With the Love of Christ,
Virgil



From: TeeTop
05/07/2009 11:21:52

Well Jennifer, don't give up.
Just give it over to God and let Him open the doors for your job.


I too was chared with a crime for which I was inocent, and by the suggestion of my Lawyer, pled No-contest. Totaly wrong move on my part, as it is with me the rest of my life.


So what, God has my life today, and I rest in Him.

Remember, even Joseph, was thrown into prison and yet he was inocent.
And look at what God did in his life as well as his people. (Gen. 39:1-50:26)


Never underestimate God's power or His Love.


With the Love of Christ,
Virgil

From: Nia
05/07/2009 08:32:05

Don't quit before the miracle happens!!!!keep turning it over and try to let it go-

Congrats on the upcoming anniversary, One Day at a time !

try to keep your focus close to the moment at hand-

Blessings, Nia

From: NICEnEASY
05/06/2009 23:47:24

Hang in their,for we do not know what god has in store for us,but it will be much better than we can plan for ourselves.Sad but true recovery is about learning to make it thru our fears without useing anything to avoid them.Today i am very thankful for all the fear and pain that i had to go thru to get to where i am today For most of us it is  No Pain No Gain..For God does not bring us to a certain point, and then just let us go.If you can believe that he loves you,even if just a little bit, then know that he means you no harm...May you soon be wraped in peace and happyness....Tom L.

From: Philip
05/06/2009 23:05:26

I will send you an email on my experances on a felony and my getting my nursing lic back and a job


u r in my paryers

From: DennisS
05/06/2009 20:33:02

 Jennifer -


     "I know that my HP will provide me the strength to keep going and everything will work out for the best." is a good attitude - but don't forget the footwork. As you say, those people may hire you in spite of the legal judgement against you.


     In the meantime, is there any chance of getting the conviction overturned? More footwork for you, but might be well worth it. It may be that you took the fall for another and were protecting them. Or there was no other alternative that you could see back then.


     When we clean our side of the street, that  "clearing away the wreckage of the past" - we often have things we cannot clear away with an amend or personal works. That's when we need to turn to the professionals for assistance. In this case legal counsel. Many in that profession will provide a short consultation regarding a taking a case of your nature prior to setting a formal agreement. Might be worth a few steps in that direction. If not, toss it out as something that you cannot change and move on.


     Either way you go, please remember that growth can in spite of or because of...


Hugs,


Dennis

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