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Trust 2
Posted On 05/03/2009 19:41:33 by Kariemac

Trust

I need to get something off my chest and my earlier blog was not my best.  I was too aggitated to be articulate and was somewhat reactive.

Well here it is…

I have been deceived.  A secret held away from me.  For a while by the sounds of it, by a person I trusted…not only trusted but it was rebuilt trust as this person is in their own recovery so our relationship went through the emotional wringer.

OK it’s my child.  Different yes. Different no.  I don’t know.  I feel deceived.  Almost tricked.  You see my intuition was telling me there was more going on but when I asked I was told no there was no truth to my thought.  Yes you that know me somewhat will know that being told my reality is not true is a trigger for me.  Childhood trauma 101. 

I watched her, stood back when she fell praying that she would get back up, helped when I could in God’s time and waited and wondered what tomorrow would bring.  I have fought for her in court not a place I like to return to but have because it’s the right thing to do.  I thought we had something we don’t: trust…and a bond that would stand anything.

She said to me yesterday “I have something to tell you that you are not going to like.”  (This in my experience means that she knows it’s not a good idea but she’s doing it anyways) “Ok tell me.” I said.  She told me and it wasn’t what she told me but that I was the last one to know other than my fiancé.  It was the fact, I am being honest now, that she told her Dad before me and “for a while now” he and other family members knew her news.  I didn’t feel like we had the kind of relationship I thought we had…I had failed again at creating and participating in an unconditional love relationship with my daughter.  She shared her news with people, mostly her Dad here people, who have not supported her and cared for her like I have.  I went to any lengths for her at all times to all places.  Parenthood sucks to sometimes.  Guess I had expectations.

I am hurt and don’t know how to respond to her news so I said minimal and left it to God to sort out.

What do I do now?  Pray and ask for acceptance.  Let Go and Let God and Live and Let Live.  I am grateful I have the tools in my program to deal with this and I know it will pass.  Trust-worthiness is one of the most important qualities of a person I want in my life today.

 

One day at a time,

Karie   



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Viewing 1 - 5 out of 5 Comments

From: Nia
05/04/2009 07:32:45

Sometimes we share first, with the people we perceive to be the easiest- least resistant. Like testing the waters

 to see how bearable it is. Then she built her courage-or got to the point she felt she could just lay it out (for us)

emotional jungles are hard to manuever in- very tight, close quarters-  Blessings, Nia

From: Bob777
05/03/2009 22:01:41

Karie,


Only thing I know of that you should do is try to forgive her, while not burning any bridges that you may want to cross again. Maybe you were the last to know because you are the last person she'd ever want to hurt. We are all very sensitive people and some of us have broken thinkers. Sometimes what we think is the right thing to do is actually about 180 degrees away from the right thing. I hope the two of you are ok, or soon will be. Sorry that you are hurting. Hugs, your friend, Bob


 

From: RecoveryRosary
05/03/2009 20:41:59

Karie,


I have had a terribly dramatic week myself.  I actually felt like I had a hangover this weekend.  I went to 4 meetings.


One of the things that has always helped me are the 4 P's


Pause


Pray


Put it to Paper


Preface it with Love (when you have to talk to someone)


I am in pause mode like you to right now I heard you say that you didn't respond because you didn't know how.  You did the right thing.  React and Respond is what I use to do.


I think in the program we do a ton of pausing.  Pausing has saved my life.  It actually prevented me from taking a drink after 8 years of sobriety.  I paused and said the serenity prayer. 


Thinking about you your sobriety sister,


Kristin O

From: DennisS
05/03/2009 20:26:31

Karie -


     You are only half that relationship. When you love someone and stretch yourself to the breaking point for them, it is only human to expect that love, respect and trust returned - when quite often it isn't. When a child is "grown" and you make the assumption that they are honest , open and willing to reciprocate in kind - and they don't, it hurts. Me? I have no choice but to relate to them as a child, probably incapable of respecting and reciprocating to my trust in kind, therefore I act accordingly. Love them I still do, and pray for them that one day they can...


Hugs,


Dennis

From: Godluvsall
05/03/2009 20:20:05


All I can share is that I have a 19 year old and her father lives near us.  I've experienced the same pains, but as long as I kept true to my word and gave it to God, He worked it out.


I'm also finding out that a non-reaction is sometimes a lot better than a reaction.


PLUS, with our daughters, this too shall pass, and your bond will continue to grow. No matter what. 


It has taken me 25 years to become close with my own mom.  So, time does heal all wounds.


PRAYER is the BEST thing you can do and let God handle it. It's hard, but it does work.


Love you, Tina


 


 

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