There probably aren't too many of us that want to be alone. But sometimes the drive to have a special someone overrides everything else. We can end up making some pretty uninformed choices. Nia and Jessie called it. Only when one takes time to look at who they are, how they form relationships and perceive people can they eliminate or mitigate the problems they have with others. I have a friend that is on wife number five (for the second time, yet). He still hasn't figured out that all these failed relationships have one thing in common...

YF,

Dennis 

I had to become willing to work on myself first. We cannot give away what we do not have.

Many of us weren't loved and supported in a healthy manner- when I

picked up a drink/ drug, my emotional growth stopped. So when I got

sober -I had to work with that younger teenage part of me,( and still do)

to help them grow up into a responsible adult-

It is a long term commitment- but with the 12 steps and sponsor- I daily

try to take suggestions and it does work!  one day at a time- you can do it too- Blessings, Nia

Buy the book "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie. It's on my nightstand right now, and it usually stays there because I too am a recovering codependent who is learning to love my sexy, single self It's not an easy thing, this learning to love myself bit, but I know in my heart that it is worth it, that I am worth it, and so are you! My AA sponsor also has a blackbelt in codependency, so I work a lot of my s**t out with her, and other caring, loving women who have my best interest at heart, even if they sometimes say things that I don't always understand or like to hear. Melody Beattie changed my life. Beating yourself up is a habit to most of us, but habits can be broken. It takes hard work and faith, but the end result is beyond what our wildest dreams could ever be.

love and hugs my friend,

Jessie

you are on my prayer list

When you say "I don't know how you all do it." The thing you should know is you are one of the you all's. Thats right we as a group support one another. And you sharing your feelings is what keeps us all alive. Just having the ability to share with us shows your strength

As far as how to let go of any one or any thing that is something my sponsor tells me that since I am just a garden variety addict/alcoholic I will only let go of something when I can no longer control any part of it He has been right about me most of the time. The bottom line is its allways about ME not the person place or thing that I am hanging on to.